Hello everyone. I am new here. I have been reading the posts for awhile to get a feel for the community. I like what I see. I would like some prayers and some insight for my situation. My wife and I have been married for 11 1/2 years. We have had ups and downs over the years (most of the downs at my hands). Last year was an especially bad year at both of our hands. Well, part of the way through the year, my wife, claiming that I shut down and stopped being her friend because of some things she had done, started being friendly with someone (someone she met as a result of the things she was doing which made me angry and caused me to shut down) and eventually had an affair with him. She voluntarily told me about it in December and I was devastated but tried to rationalize it because of all the things i had done to hurt her over the years and even the things last year (which I had since realized I could have handled differently). But I backed off that and realized that no matter what I may have done that made her move in that direction, she made the decision to sleep with him. Now, the twis to this is that when she told me about the affair she told me that it was just a friendship...nothing physical. I didn't believe her. She told me she ended it. I didn't believe that either. Through some investigation and further questioning over the next few weeks, I confirmed both my beliefs. She was still seeing him and she did have a physical relationship (albeit she says only a light one, kissing, etc.--I didn't believe that either). Well, I wanted to rebuild the marriage and start from a point of openness and honesty. At first my pride and hurt and pain wanted her to tell me the truth but then it became a health issue. So I wanted her to let me know the truth so we could be tested. She refused to say it was more. Well, recently she admitted it and now feels that because I have pressured her into telling me the truth that she no longer has any integrity left or anything left to bring to the marriage. She had a nervous breakdown two years ago and is still recovering from that. I want to help her recover and to understand that, while I will have my moments of dealing with the hurt and pain, that I forgive her and want to rebuild teh relationship. Does anyone have any ideas? And please give prayers.

Welcome <B>britania</B>...<P>There is a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>It is so common to what our wayward spouses(WS) come to their senses...<BR>...but the truth is...<BR>...they need to see the changes in us (betrayed spouses) first.<P>To that end... do start on a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>Check out my post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>.<P>Of course you have my prayers...<P>Stay here...<BR>...<B>you are not alone</B>!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>