<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoDuped:<BR><B>He's very much looking forward to talking with you.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Cool.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I found the quotes you shared (by the way...how do you do that?)<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Click the pencil icon next to the post and it will open an edit (TEXTAREA) box and you will see the tags that create a quote.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>As for the pornography issue...more that my own head has been having difficulty.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Why are you having difficulty with the pornography? Not that you shouldn't. But, what are the feelings you have?<P><BR>

Whewww - I just found these posts and there are a lot to read! Sounds like you two have been good for each other. I have one question for you Dogbert....It seems like sex is very important you. I think if your wife had sex with you everyday, you would think of your marriage as absolutely wonderful. I am a woman, and I am married. My husband wants sex everyday - but frankly - I am not interested in sex. Yes, I love sex, but not when I am pressured into having it. Have you ever tried laying off the sex for awhile and see how your wife responds to that? Are you nice and affectionate to your wife ALL the time - not ONLY when you want sex?? Have you ever asked your wife why she is not that interested in sex?? I think what caribgirl wrote about buying something sexy for her to wear is a good idea. I would love for my husband to buy me something sexy to wear. I would never buy it for myself, because I think he would think of me in a wrong way if I did. Like you said - afterall, she is the mother of your children. Anything wrong with her being a "slut" in your bedroom? This something else I wish my husband would let me be - but again - I am the mother of his children - I shouldn't act that way.<P>Since there were a lot of messages between you and soduped, I started scanning through them - so I might have missed some things. One thing I can't seem to find is the part about Soduped's husband addiction to pornography. Soduped? What is so wrong about your husband looking at pornography?? Let's face it - we don't have the bodies that these girls have in the magazines - is it so wrong for him to look at them? He is never going to run away with them. My husband thinks pornography is disgusting - sometimes I wish he would look some.<P><BR>Sorry if I am coming across as being very blunt in what I say - but that is part of my nature - lol.<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OpenMinded:<BR><B>It seems like sex is very important you. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Of course.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I think if your wife had sex with you everyday, you would think of your marriage as absolutely wonderful. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I already do think it is absolutely wonderful. Just need some tweaking.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Have you ever tried laying off the sex for awhile and see how your wife responds to that? <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Yes.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Are you nice and affectionate to your wife ALL the time - not ONLY when you want sex?? <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>NO WAY! I am mean as a snake! All the time!<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Have you ever asked your wife why she is not that interested in sex?? <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Oh yeah.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I think what caribgirl wrote about buying something sexy for her to wear is a good idea. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Let's not talk about that. There are a few things that have been worn once or not at all. And I am not talking about really wild stuff either. This does bother me but I refuse to let it derail my attitude and take away my joy.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR> Anything wrong with her being a "slut" in your bedroom? This something else I wish my husband would let me be - but again - I am the mother of his children - I shouldn't act that way.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I have been waiting for that for years! I have no issues with sex that I know of. I would do it anywhere, anytime and in anyway (minus third parties or public places). But that is me.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>What is so wrong about your husband looking at pornography?? <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>It involves a 3rd party and it desensitizes a man to his wife. Plus, the addictive nature of it only means that you will need more and more of it to achieve the adrenaline rush.<BR>

Dogbert & Openminded...<BR>I'm going to try and answer both your questions in regards to the problem I have with my husband and his 'books'.<BR>Please bear with me, as I am still trying to sort this one out.<P>Up until the affair, I didn't have much of an issue with the pornography - I didn't necessairily like it, but I did accept it as something that was part of my 'blue collar redneck guy's' nature.<BR>After my husband told me he had been with someone else, I was no longer comfortable with him looking at his books...they fed the insecurity that the affair created...that I wasn't enough for him. I felt as though I was competing with with not only the other woman, but the fantacys in the magazines as well.<BR>My husband PROMISED me that until I felt more comfortable with things, he would put the books away.<BR>That lasted for a few weeks, until the fact that we had not been intimate in a while became too much for his lebido...and he decided to pull the books out one afternoon, and entertain himself.<P>I'm having a problem with all this because...<BR>-My husband PROMISED to leave the books alone<BR>-he broke that promise for the sake of his own gratification<BR>-he broke my trust in him AGAIN...for the sake of his own gratification<BR>-his actions make me feel that where I'm at emotionally in all this is unimportant<BR>-his actions reinforce my perception that I am not enough for him...and that it's only a matter of time before he turns to a person for gratification instead of a book.<P>In terms of my anger...it's more about the entire situation, not just the pornography.<BR>I'm angry at him for having an affair, I'm angry at how I now feel about my husband, myself, and our marriage because of the affair.<BR>I'm angry at having to go through all this.<BR>I'm angry that thus far Betty has suffered no concenquences<BR>I'm angry that my children have been affected by something so base.<BR>In general I'm just feeling angry.<P>I realize that this is a 'stage' in the process, but so far I'm unsure how to handle it - and so is my husband.<BR>He wants so badly to help, but I'm too angry to be open to his attempts. <P>Ugh!<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoDuped:<BR><B>Up until the affair, I didn't have much of an issue with the pornography - I didn't necessairily like it, but I did accept it as something that was part of my 'blue collar redneck guy's' nature.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I am a white collar guy. I don't think that has anything to do with it.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>After my husband told me he had been with someone else, I was no longer comfortable with him looking at his books...they fed the insecurity that the affair created...that I wasn't enough for him. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>This is understandable and maybe why my wife is not as upset as you are.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I felt as though I was competing with with not only the other woman, but the fantacys in the magazines as well.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>You are not competing with those women in those magazines. Trust me. For me, it always was a last resort after I could not seem to get sexually satisfied that I turned to those. Couple that with an adrenaline rush that porn gives you and you have the makings for a strong addiction. Does this excuse the looking? No. We men need to learn better ways of dealing with our disappointments and struggles sexually.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I'm having a problem with all this because...<BR>-My husband PROMISED to leave the books alone<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Would it be different if this were cigarettes?<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>-he broke that promise for the sake of his own gratification<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Yes.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>-he broke my trust in him AGAIN...for the sake of his own gratification<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Men think about sex around 6 times a minute or hour. I can't remember what the number is. But, it is hormonal and we cannot stop that. We can only work (pray) to get the passions under control so that we don't satisfy the normal desires in a sinful way.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>-his actions reinforce my perception that I am not enough for him<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Can this be proven or is it just a fear?<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I'm angry at him for having an affair<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>This is normal and expected.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I'm angry that thus far Betty has suffered no concenquences<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Romans 12:19<BR>"Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord."<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>He wants so badly to help, but I'm too angry to be open to his attempts. </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Hoo Boy.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dogbert:<BR><B> [QUOTE]<BR>You are not competing with those women in those magazines. Trust me. For me, it always was a last resort after I could not seem to get sexually satisfied that I turned to those. Couple that with an adrenaline rush that porn gives you and you have the makings for a strong addiction. Does this excuse the looking? No. We men need to learn better ways of dealing with our disappointments and struggles sexually.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>How can I not feel as though I'm competing? - He wasn't even thinking of me! He was looking at and thinking of complete strangers. Couldn't the same adreneline rush come from creating a fantasy with he and I in his mind?<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Would it be different if this were cigarettes?<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Yes, it would be different. <BR>I would be dissappointed in him if he broke a promise to quit smoking...but I certainly wouldn't be emotionally affected...nor would I feel betrayed.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Men think about sex around 6 times a minute or hour. I can't remember what the number is. But, it is hormonal and we cannot stop that. We can only work (pray) to get the passions under control so that we don't satisfy the normal desires in a sinful way.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I also think about sex often - perhaps not as often as the average male, but still often. <BR>Those thoughts however do NOT cause me to have uncontrolable urges that must be acted apon NOW. I am perfectly capable of waiting for a time when I can be with my husband.<BR>I don't understand why this is not possible for some men...especially my husband.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>-his actions reinforce my perception that I am not enough for him<P>Can this be proven or is it just a fear?<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Given that it's my perception, it probably is rooted in fear...but how do I deal with that?<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I'm angry that thus far Betty has suffered no concenquences<BR>Romans 12:19<BR>"Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord."<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>There's that 'let go - let God thing again...<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>He wants so badly to help, but I'm too angry to be open to his attempts. <BR>Hoo Boy.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hoo Boy is right.<BR>

I can wait as long as I realize there are legitimate reasons (e.g. sickness, travel, 'that' time of the month, fatigue, laundry, etc.). But beyond that, I can't think of a reason to not have sex as long as everything else between a man and wife is going well. And when I can tell things are going well between us as evidenced by her smile and warm conversation and letting me hug her and kiss her when I walk in the door, I don't quite get it as to why we don't have it.<P>I would wonder whether your husband feels some kind of insecurity outside the bedroom in relating to you. I don't think there are many men who would prefer to have sex with himself instead of his wife. There must be something going on there.<P>As far as you being able to wait - your hormones don't drive you as a woman to need sex. Testosterone is at lower levels because you are female than they are in his body. The tension that testosterone builds will exhibit its energy in some way and usually that involves a body part. Some men can work a lot or delve into some rigurous activity and keep it somewhat under control. But it is still there.<P>1 Corinthians 7<BR>2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. <BR>4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. <BR>5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. <BR>6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. <BR>7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. <BR>8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; <BR>9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. <P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dogbert:<BR><B> And when I can tell things are going well between us as evidenced by her smile and warm conversation and letting me hug her and kiss her when I walk in the door, I don't quite get it as to why we don't have it.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Ugh...the differences between the male and female minds - Sometimes I think I'll never understand them.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B> <BR> I would wonder whether your husband feels some kind of insecurity outside the bedroom in relating to you. I don't think there are many men who would prefer to have sex with himself instead of his wife. There must be something going on there.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I'm not sure it's so much a preference as it is a necessity in his mind. Due to my thoughts and feelings regarding the affair, I have a great deal of trouble being intimate with him. Some days I'm ok, but others I can't get past the things in my head, and deny him. It's then that he turns to....well, you know.<P>Now this train of thought brings me to a question that I've asked my husband, but he doesn't seem to understand well enough to answer...<P>Where in the midst of all this physical need and desire for sex is the emotion?<BR>Is not lovemaking the ultimate expression of <B>feelings</B> between two people? Does it not express a certain level of trust and openness that cannot be achieved without true intimacy?<P>That's what lovemaking is to me. I need to feel a degree of all those things to feel open to making love. It goes beyond the physical for me.<P>When is it like that for a man?<P>(I do realize that it isn't that way everytime...heck, before all this happened I was a big fan of a good ol' fashioned quickie...but right now, I need more...I'm looking to feel the emotion - given how shaken the relationship is today.)<P>Am I asking for the impossible?<p>[This message has been edited by SoDuped (edited March 19, 2001).]

Well, one of the things I am working on with my wife right now are 'triggers.' You know the things that happen to you that remind you of some bad experience and cause you to react in a way that is not in sync with the current experience? Of course you do. When your husband wants to make love, it 'triggers' an emotional reaction in your brain and you unconsciously (well for you it would be consciously) react negatively to an otherwise normal thing: your husband wanting to make love.<P>Last night I built a nice wall out of those castle wall blocks that are so popular nowadays. 70 of 'em. Last night after it was over she was putting dishes away and I came into the kitchen and I smiled and asked, "Are you going to put <B>all</B> of those dishes away?" Well she rattle off a few other 'urgent' things she had to do but I knew she unconsciously was stalling me. She knew what I wanted.<P>So she got in the bed and we talked and she said, "I know that you are not doing this to me. But it feels like when you do something big for me you expect sex." She admitted that in the past I have done this and she has been holding on to it and it negatively effects the present. A trigger.<P>Well I told her that yesterday while we were at Lowe's buying the blocks and last night while I was putting them in I felt blended together with her emotionally and it felt natural to make love. That sex was a way to cap off the rest of the day. She interpreted it differently - as a payment. <P>Now if we have been fighting and she is still carrying a grudge, I can still have sex because the testosterone is pumping (as always) and it would not have much of an emotional attachment in the least. So it is possible to do either one. It seems that women can ONLY have sex when they feel emotionally attached otherwise it feels like rape. Why? I don't know because to us that sounds wierd.<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dogbert:<BR><B>Well I told her that yesterday while we were at Lowe's buying the blocks and last night while I was putting them in I felt blended together with her emotionally and it felt natural to make love. That sex was a way to cap off the rest of the day. She interpreted it differently - as a payment.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>After you talked, was she able to see your perspective, or did she still have trouble getting around the 'trigger'?<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B><BR>Now if we have been fighting and she is still carrying a grudge, I can still have sex because the testosterone is pumping (as always) and it would not have much of an emotional attachment in the least. So it is possible to do either one. It seems that women can ONLY have sex when they feel emotionally attached otherwise it feels like rape. Why? I don't know because to us that sounds wierd.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Wierd huh? Thanks. <P>Do you know how your wife feels about emotional vs physical sex?<P>

RE: Trigger. <BR>She was able to see and understand it but it is yet to be seen how much that knowledge will change things. I can only hope.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoDuped:<BR><B> Do you know how your wife feels about emotional vs physical sex?</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I am fairly certain she feels like you - has to feel an emotional connection to want sex. But the depth of the 'connection' is a mystery to me and I am sure she could not describe it to me. It is one of those "you just know when" feelings. It would seem that if I were a good guy, met her emotional needs and helped around the house and all that (not because I have to or am trying to get anything - just loving her and helping to support the business of the family) she would be interested. But I think it goes way beyond all that when you are married and have kids. I think it takes thought and priority. <P><p>[This message has been edited by Dogbert (edited March 19, 2001).]

Ironically, my husband spits out an interesting quote whenever friends bring up the topic of sex.<P>"For a Woman, sex begins in the morning...for a Man, sex begins the moment he drops his pants."<P>For a woman to be interested in having sex that evening, things must happen throughout the day to hold her interest in the idea. Generally speaking...expressions of <B>AFFECTION</B>.<BR>If a man (husband) doesn't start thinking about sex prior to the moment he drops his pants, or fulfilling his partners needs in regards to creating the desire to have sex...then it ain't gonna happen.<P>It's a little black and white...but the idea is a valid one.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoDuped:<BR><B>"For a Woman, sex begins in the morning...for a Man, sex begins the moment he drops his pants."<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Is this the way he feels?<P>I hope not.<P>

I'm not saying that's how he feels...it's just an analogy he uses on occassion.<BR>In general he's pretty careful to keep the momentum (so to speak) going in terms of intimacy, especially now.<BR>The problem is mostly in my own head.<BR>I can't help but feel sometimes that it's more the act he's after as opposed to the intimacy...which was the topic of conversation this weekend.<BR>I seem to have a great deal of trouble communicating my feelings on the subject. In most cases I feel like I confuse him more than anything. And of course there's that male/female mind barrier that keeps me from fully understanding the things he has to say.<BR>We're still trying though...I'm hoping that with time and persistance we can learn to understand eachother where this issue is concerned.

I guess <B>SoDuped</B> is masquerading under her husband's new account <B>Wanting it to work?</B>

Masquerading?<BR>Now there wouldn't be much point to that would there?<P>I did help him to get a membership...he's new at working with computers - but that's it...the rest is up to him.

So I guess you think he may not do anything huh? You sound miffed.<P>I was thinking about lust today while I was at Target. Being there and seeing all the new ladies fashions for spring, women looking at bathing suits, and the nice looking women who were just shopping reminded me of how lonely I feel. That sounds strange doesn't it? I didn't lust (defined as seeing a particular woman [real or imagined] and having sex with her in my mind) after anyone. Just the images reminded me of sex. And it hurt me somewhere deep inside that I don't know how to describe it. I drove away feeling lonely and discouraged. <P>At other times, these feelings make me feel high. Like it must feel on drugs of some kind. I feel invincible and confident.<P>I guess it is hard to understand and maybe harder to explain to a woman. But, having sex is absolutely the best thing a wife can do to love her husband. And it doesn't fall into the category of gift giving. It is so much more than that. Oh! The way it makes me feel is enough to make me emotional. It is not some anscillary side thing. Sex is the core of most men and when that is ignored, or treated tritely, husbands feel wounded and discouraged. Then when we feel berated for trying to have sex and are accused of try to extract 'payment' for our goodness - well, it hurts pretty bad.

I'm not so much miffed as I am concerned.<BR>I was looking forward to my husband getting involved with this website, and after seeing the frustration and impatience he displayed last night as he was trying to post his message to you I became a little discouraged.<BR>I'm afraid that he will let his impatience get the better of him, and won't take the time to post. (he's a finger pecker typist.)<BR>Once again...time will tell.<P>So...let's talk about your shopping trip to Target.<P>Is it possible that the times when you have the invincible confident feelings you described after a situation like that are about power or a dominant position?<BR>Perhaps in the past when you wern't dealing with your pornography issue, you could watch other women going about their daily routines, think about sex, and then take action...Just the knowledge of that possibility would be enough to make anyone feel like they were on a 'high'.<P>Since you are now trying to cope in another way, you know that high isn't an option. Therefor you are left with 2 possibilities - going home to be with your wife, or having your wife deny you. That's a thought that would leave me feeling lonely and discouraged too. I'd probably even be afraid to approach her if I thought there was a possibility of rejection...hence more lonliness.<P>I could be way off base here - but the emotions you described were so visceral that this is how I related.<P>If only we women/wives could <B>see</B> how deeply our husbands can feel about sexual intimacy. If we knew that it truly touched you to your core no matter what the motivation, we would never have reason to feel used, or obligated.<BR>As a matter of fact, our desire to feel that deep emotional/physical connection with you (our husbands)would likely increase our desire for you...if we could see that you were touched on such a deep emotional level. <BR>How could we refuse the very thing we keep asking you for?<P>So why is it that we so rarely see that...even if it is the case?<BR>Perhaps it's something in the approach? Or are we blind because we don't understand the way you express your emotions?<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoDuped:<BR><B>(he's a finger pecker typist.)<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>Maybe he feels a finger at his back. <P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Is it possible that the times when you have the invincible confident feelings you described after a situation like that are about power or a dominant position?<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>No if you mean like 'conquering'.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Perhaps in the past when you wern't dealing with your pornography issue...Since you are now trying to cope in another way, you know that high isn't an option. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I have thought about this and it is a real possibility. <P>There was a rock group called Mr. Big and they had a song called "Addicted to that Rush." I think this is what they had in mind. <P>Porn was always an option I didn't really want and only did so after failing at my attempts to connect with my wife. Bad choices I know, but it was easier. And I always left feeling very sad about myself.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Therefor you are left with 2 possibilities - going home to be with your wife, or having your wife deny you. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I think I know what my odds are.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>That's a thought that would leave me feeling lonely and discouraged too. I'd probably even be afraid to approach her if I thought there was a possibility of rejection...hence more lonliness.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I keep hearing from some "Leave it alone so she can want you." Well, that is awfully difficult. But, with God's help I am moving that direction.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>If only we women/wives could see</B> how deeply our husbands can feel about sexual intimacy. <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>You have NO IDEA the power in a sexual encounter! For a wife to walk up to her husband and start kissing him and lead him to the bedroom is the ultimate.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>If we knew that it truly touched you to your core no matter what the motivation, we would never have reason to feel used, or obligated.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>And how do you communicate that?<P>

I just realized that I posted you a message under my husbands signon last night...no wonder your masquerading post didn't make any sense...my message was on the page before, so I didn't even see it...SORRY!!<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Maybe he feels a finger at his back. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>You have a point there. I'll lay off.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>if you mean like 'conquering'.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>No, I mean like having the power to take action...knowing you will be satisified one way or the other.<BR><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>Porn was always an option I didn't really want and only did so after failing at my attempts to connect with my wife. <BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>If it was something you didn't really want, then how is it something that 'worked' for you?<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I keep hearing from some "Leave it alone so she can want you." Well, that is awfully difficult. But, with God's help I am moving that direction.<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>As a bit of an oversensitive person these days I would ask you to be careful with that one...sometimes when my husband 'leaves things alone' for too long I begin to mistakenly feel as though he doesn't want me. A little 'catch 22' there.<P><B> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>And how do you communicate that?<BR></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I wish I knew.<BR>