I've seen a number of threads in which the issue of who you tell, who you talk to, etc.<P>Let me just throw in my $0.02.<P>While I think it's important to be able to vent about how you feel, I'm not sure that your "real-world" friends or family are the best way to do it. Your family is likely to be supportive, but will make it difficult to reconcile if and when that occurs, and they, not being familiar with the MB methodology, are less likely to forgive and welcome the WS back into the family.<P>Friends are even iffier. Human nature is irrational. Have you ever noticed that when there's an illness like cancer in the family, often friends seem to disappear? Almost as if they think the cancer is contagious?<P>Affairs are the same way. People fear them. If it could happen to you, it could happen to them, and they're afraid. So by avoiding you, they avoid the risk.<P>It doesn't always happen, but sometimes it does. It's not their fault, it's just the way humans are.<P>I was lucky in that I had an entire army of female e-mail friends, and they were the recipients of all of my venting. It worked because if they got sick of it, all they had to do is stop reading. And they were "removed" enough from me that the "it could be contagious" thing was completely removed.<P>If you don't have that kind of support network, this is probably the best place to find one. Most people here are MORE THAN WILLING to help off-board. The only caveat I'd give is to stay away from opposite-sex support, because when you're going through this sort of thing, you are quite susceptible to an overly intense EA yourself.<P>Counseling is also MANDATORY, IMHO. Some therapists who are unfamiliar with the Harley methods will orient you towards separation or divorce. It's up to YOU to explain what you're doing and why. If the therapist won't go along, find another one, for it is NOT a therapist's job to tell you what to do.<P>As for my real-world friends, I did tell them what was going on, but that was the end of it. I told them I was going to be withdrawing for a while, but that I'd be back when things straightened out.<P>This worked for me. Your mileage may differ.<BR>

. <p>[This message has been edited by Rodger (edited May 01, 2001).]

Well, I've vented toward a couple of my e-mail friends and that's probably the best support I have received throughout this whole situation. But I have told my very best friend in the world about the situation. How could I not? She has been through tough times and I"ve been there to listen to her and I know she can listen to me and help me through things. Fortunately she and I have the kind of relationship where we don't get judgmental about the other person's spouse/boyfriend/whatever - never have been. But no, I don't think I would tell the remainder of my friends. I also told my brother about this, but only because he's probably the only other person in this world who has even a clue as to how my H has changed since he has accepted Jesus into his life. My brother has gone through that same thing and he knows it is life altering. He is quite a forgiving person and has not made any judgments toward me, my H or how we are working on this. As for the rest of my family, no I would never tell them. I am a strong believer that if you tell your family something about your spouse in any negative way, that's all they will remember. So no, I'm not going to tell them. And that's the advice people have given me too.