O.K. I've found e-mails, voice mails, and today found birth control pills in her purse. I had found them before, about 6 weeks ago, when she went to Hawaii on a work "bonus". (she had said didn't want me to come, she wouldn't have fun?!OM went, though,She said the pills were to delay her period!) I didn't tell her I had found pills, just asked her this am if she was sleeping w OM. She gets very mad, says "**** you". I tell her a dog doesn't deserve to be treated this way.I'm a good mate and a good man and deserve better; she has to live w herself.I said you've been trashing me to justify your affair. She is still denying all, and is now mad at me for "ruining her day". This is ridiculous. I seriously love this woman , but I cannot live w the daily lies and disrespect.We are seperating at the end of June, ans I think I can use this time to recover and rebuild my life. This is so sad. <BR>BS's - when WS blames you for all, how do you feel and respond? Dobson claims it's common for the BS to ACCEPT the blame and try to accommodate! My wife seems seriously in fog, a friend today said she thinks W wants to be single w no kids and the center of attention. My sisters question her mental state. Can you cut through the fog? Or, is it just plan A until affair is over? Any ideas?

Family Man,<P>Deep breath in! Hold it...now let it out... Relax. Things will get better.<P>I would advise you to look carefully at Dr. Harley's book on emotional needs. I think it will help you to realize which things would help your marriage and which things might hurt it.<P>The treatment you are receiving is not your fault. Although you are partly responsible for your wife's happiness, she is 100% responsible for her actions.<P>Continue to be aware of that fog. And be a beacon that will welcome her back home when she realizes she has lost her way.<P>Hang in there.<P>All the best.<BR>--HBC

HurtButCoping - Thank you ! I will take advantage of your suggestions.<P>Dan

Dan, as a former WS I can tell you that your W's behavior sounds a lot like mine during my A. I too would become angry if my H asked me questions, and even had the audacity to get indignant/act insulted when he accused me of having an A. All the evidence was there, but I continued to deny everything.<P>Your sisters' questioning of her mental state isn't surprising to me. A WS in the fog is a seriously deranged individual, doing and saying things they'd never do otherwise. When I look back on my behavior during the A, I realize that I behaved like a crazy person. I, of course, thought I was totally normal.<P>We were having our problems at the time (both to blame there) but I never expected my H to take the blame for my A - I get that all to myself.<P>Have you considered counseling? Hang in there. {{Hugs}}<P>

Susie7753 - Thanks for your comments. We've gone to a councellor(sp?) recommended by our Pastor. I would call it a disaster. The counsellor said we had a great foundation and would be out of there in 3 or 4 visits. sigh. I've talked w Steve for 3 sessions, he was great. My wife seems to be beyond my reach at this point. How did you and your husband manage to reconnect? Your words are reassuring, thanks.

My H and I reconnected 2 weeks after d-day. I apologized for what I'd done and asked him if he'd go to counseling with me. He agreed and we've been going since the beginning of January. It's a rough road, but we're making it. In fact, we're happier than we've been in years!<P>It may take some time for your W's fog to lift, but when it finally does, you have a good chance of repairing your relationship.