My husband and my best friend ( who was his best friend's/business partner's wife) had what they claimed was an EA 6 years ago. He was ready to give up everything for her, his business, marriage, religion, etc. Well, she broke it off (after lying to me, bringing me birthday gifts, going for walks with me, etc.) and we were apart almost a year. We ended up back together and in counseling. I told him I HAD to know the truth and he insisted it was just emotional. Our counselor didn't see it as a worthwhile topic to look into so for 2 years I was very distrusting. He still worked with her for a while and saw her often as they were neighbors.<P>Well, we're back in counseling again. I told my counselor that I HAVE to know the truth. After waiting 9 months, it finally came up tonight. Of course I was right. It was a PA, and they both lied and continued to lie for years. Her husband (my H's best friend) still doesn't know the truth and continues to spend much time with my H. We're even supposed to be going on a trip together next week. <P>I am soooo angry, betrayed and hurt. I can't believe I have to go thru this twice. The worst part was he didn't seem very sorry, even seeing my pain. Said he would never have told me if he didn't have to. Was defensive and crabby at the session.<P>Last fall he was acting distant again and we were living in the same house, as room mates for a few months. I pushed and pushed the counselor to look into medication for depression (as I did 6 years ago to no avail) and finally, she talked to him about it. He's much better with the medicine and has worked on some things in counseling. This is the first time we've gone together to counseling in a while. Last fall, I told him I could not be intimate with him again until I knew the whole truth. He looked me right in the eye and said he hadn't been with her. What a jerk.<P>We've definitely had ups and downs in the past 6 years. It took me 2 years to gain my trust back, only to find this out. I never thought it could hurt this much again but let me tell you, it's almost worse. I feel like the past 6 years have been a big lie and a waste of time. They had everyone convinced that I was a paranoid lunatic, that nothing happened and poor her, people were judging her with no reason. I guess having sex with your best friend's husband in her car is not really sex. And calling him, writing to him, while still seeing me is okay too. <P>So I not only have trust issues with him, but have never truly trusted friends again either. Double betrayal has turned into triple. Sorry this is so long, I just am in so much pain right now. I don't have too many people I can talk to. I want to drive to where she's living and let her have it. But that would get me nowhere. She's now working on H #3 (she's about 30) and is pregnant. HOw sweet.<BR>I will keep praying, it's the only hope I have. Maggierose

If your in counseling, and your H has commited to recovery...<BR>...all of his contact with the OW <B>must</B> end!<P>If you've read the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A> here...<BR>...check out the book <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank> "Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>...<BR>...and in particular... read about the "no contact" letter (from WS to OP)...<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Jim-there is no contact between them now. She moved far away. It's just been hard going thru this twice. I thought I'd never make it 6 years ago and now I find out about all the lies and deception in the since then. He claims he had to do it to save "HER" marriage, guess ours didn't count. Of course she got divorced anyway three years ago so I argue he could have told me then.<P>I am so unfocused and depressed. Today I forgot I had to work, and the other day I got lost in my very small hometown. I don't know how to deal with this. It's like my mind won't let me think about it because it's too hard. I am on medication which I'm sure helps. <P>I know I'll get thru this. My H is very remorseful now, but he wasn't the night he told me. He says he hates the pain he's causing and he doesn't know if he could forgive me if it was reversed. <P>What scares me is that right now I have NO feelings for him, good or bad. I'm just numb. All of the things that I thought were special and unique to our relationship are no longer that way. I know I won't look at things the same anymore in our marriage. And that makes me very sad.<P>