He told me he wanted to move out a couple of months ago after the first confrontation. NOthing but tension since. When symptoms of the affair rose again, I kept close track of clues and had him followed. He picked up a woman in a dark parking lot, etc etc. She's his friend's girlfriend. I told the friend. Friend is devastated.<BR>My H. totally denied everything! Here I thought the evidence was overwhelming. And continues to live here.<BR>He said he was looking for an apartment, but seems to be coasting... living here... perhaps the affair is continuing, but deep underground. It's probably even more exciting that way. It hurts so much that he's lying about it to family and me. Having him here in the house now is downright insulting if anything. It's a big lie. <P>At this point I am so disgusted with his narcissism,total lack of affection (I used to ask him to hug me once a month) selfishness (he ignores the kids - pursues his own interests only), sloth, and sex-addict persona (he thinks porn is o.k. and lovemaking usually has an impersonal demeaning quality to it)... I just want to get rid of him....<BR>A month ago I was desparate to work on the marriage. <P>Now that I'm starting to wash my hands of him, I think he's having second thoughts. <P>problem is I'm so disgusted. I have 3 little ones here at home and have been so distracted and miserable that I haven't been able to keep up with anything. <P>I really don't want him back if he's going to be the same. I did tell him that if he wanted to stay married to me that we needed a MAJOR overhaul. <P>So should I encourage him to find an apartment?

Lenni,<P>As a WS myself, as I have come to see what I have done to not only my wife, but myself and family after being seperated from them for 2 months now my answer would be YES. I know that sounds strange coming from someone that had the Affair. But I don't think that I would have seen what I was missing or would miss if I was to stay.<P>I am still seperated from my wife and family. I do want to go home and be with them, but my wife isn't sure that she wants me to just yet. She says that she still needs time. So I am going to give her that because I think that I owe her that from what I have done to her. Is it a struggle for me? You bet. I want to be with her so bad. <BR>Am I changing? yes I have learned not to be so selfish and to listen to her.<P>Just my opion from a WS<P>MarkC

Dear Mark- <P>I'm afraid my husband will not only NOT ADMIT but get UGLY if I confront again. AND do things like REFUSE TO MOVE OUT TO SAVE FACE, ETC. Right now it's just too 'toxic' for me to have him around. I feel like he may just decide to stay here to spite me or save face, etc.<P>Should I wait to confront him with the semen test (semen on the auto upholstery) ...? That's pretty damning evidence if you ask me. ... or will he do the OJ Simpson thing and lie forever. <P>MOst important to me is: how long did you lie after confrontation and what made you "crack" and tell the truth??????<P>Thanks for your reply!<P><BR>-Lenni