As far as I know, my H did not have an affair. <P>Do you think there's anything to gain from meeting the OW? I would feel better confirming they didn't have a sexual affair. It would help me tremendously - but what if they did? Also, my H has told me (in the past) that he doesn't care if I do go meet her and talk. He says they were only friends. Would this be a HUGE LB? I suspect he really doesn't want me to meet her since the last time he met her was right after I said I would go talk to her. Help!!

I often have the same question. I just want to see what the OW looks like. I want to see what kind of a person other than myself that my H likes. I have asked him a number of questions about her, and I find that it helps me a little. It helps me to stop wondering. I have asked to speak with the OW and she is refusing to talk with me. She claims that she is not ready. Poor her! <P>In your case... I would be careful. You could meet her and fuel your H's fire. He may think that "O look, now they have met and my W thinks there is nothing to worry about"... I would choose to not meet her in your case. At least not until you know for sure that anything has happened between them.<P>See, my H asked me to talk to the OW before I knew it was the OW... He said that I would like her and we could be friends. I had a funny vibe about her after one conversation. Go with you gut... always! Turns out I was right after all.<BR>Now she better hope I never meet her!!! Just kidding.<P>Good Luck on whatever you decide.<BR>~Heather

My personal opinion (because I've confronted) is DO NOT DO IT. The OW will LIE, LIE, LIE. They have no reason to reassure you. If it was an A, they will not be truthful, and if it wasn't and they are being truthful, you will still have doubts. Just my opinion. My H DID have full blown A. The OW was so sweet, she sent the "no contact" letter back to ME unopened, cut in pieces. Yeah, she really cared about reassuring me. Now I STILL don't know if contact is continuing or not. Basically, her actions said "I don't really care about whether you believe he's stopped seeing me or not!"

My H did have a full-blown A and tells me his is currently in limbo because he is in love with 2 women at the same time. She is the one to break off with him and he then says he wants to really work on the marriage and keep a home life for our child. D- day(and the day she broke it off with WH) has only been 3 weeks today. I feel as if I have lived a life time in those few weeks - he agrees.<P>My H told me of OW continued attempts to contact him. I would ask if he had talked with her and he would say no. Then during one of our indept conversations he told me his not talking to her was "not because there wasn't opportunity to". Then he told me she had called him "several" times. <P>I then started to check his cellphone logs to see the numbers he had called and had called him. There would be a call on there from her once a day, but he was not calling her (at that time he didn't know how to delete his logs). So I would erase her calls.<P>This went on until last Friday when I picked up a voice mail message from her that she was "just checking on him, was still out of town and would be back Sat and would call him then". <P>In my honest opinion he hadn't talked with her, but had been getting voice mail messages from her that kept him up-to-date with her and in some form of contact. Which I think was a comfort for him during his withdrawal -- which I'm not sure has really began yet, since she has continued to contact.<P>It is for that reason that I called her last Friday and told her so. I had been worried that she might hang up on me or say things that I wasn't really ready to hear. But I prepared myself for several days thinking that I might call her and what I would say and what would my reaction be if she said certain things to me. So I typed out what I wanted to say - I felt I should be direct, non-confrontational yet make my point. Then I took a deep breath and dialed the number. <P>I didn't intend to say anything other than what I had written out, but then she responded with "I agree with you" and so I ask her "if you agree then why are you continuing to contact him?" She said she had no answer, she guess she was just checking on him. <P>We continued this converstaion - actually it was extremely one sided with me telling her many things that I wanted her to know. My H has told me that he loves me, that he is committed to working on our marriage and saving our family, that they were two adults that made a choice that has devestated two families, etc. She said very little. But it made me feel like I had finally done something to have a little control. <P>I have been reading other post this am and realize I should let go of the need to control, but I really think this is something that I needed to do for myself. <P>I really felt great after I did this, but I don't think this is for everyone, it must truly be a personal choice and I highly recommend that you don't contact the other person at the height of anxiety or anger. Think this through, be sure you are ready to do this, that you are ready to hear things that you possibly don't already know or want to know and decided if you are going to tell our spouse. <P>I know it isn't an honest thing to do and it doesn't really agree with the MB principles, but I must admit that I have not told my WH that I have spoken with OW. I know myself and know that with time I will tell him, but I just decided it was too much of a LBer risk for me to tell him right now.<P>But I do feel better that called her, but please think your decision through.<BR>Best of luck,<BR>Heartbreak25130

I would have to say NO!! NO!!!Dont give her the time of day. SHe will lie to your face & laugh behind your back. Sorry, but your H could be lying too. She is not worth it. It doesnt matter what she looks like etc. YOU are his WIFE. You havent done anything wrong. Meeting you will not make her feel bad and drop your husband. Women who have that much contact whether EA or PA with another womans husband have no moral concience and are selfish & manipulative. You'll only hurt yourself. I asked mine to back off when I realiized EA was starting. She doubled her efforts. Now my H is deep in the fog & I think she is getting divorced from her own H. (He must suspect something!) I hope she drops my H in search of someone richer!<P>Look in the category "Resolving Conflict" for the thread that is titled something like - My husband has a female "friend". - Most persons said do not contact the OW.