My H did have a full-blown A and tells me his is currently in limbo because he is in love with 2 women at the same time. She is the one to break off with him and he then says he wants to really work on the marriage and keep a home life for our child. D- day(and the day she broke it off with WH) has only been 3 weeks today. I feel as if I have lived a life time in those few weeks - he agrees.<P>My H told me of OW continued attempts to contact him. I would ask if he had talked with her and he would say no. Then during one of our indept conversations he told me his not talking to her was "not because there wasn't opportunity to". Then he told me she had called him "several" times. <P>I then started to check his cellphone logs to see the numbers he had called and had called him. There would be a call on there from her once a day, but he was not calling her (at that time he didn't know how to delete his logs). So I would erase her calls.<P>This went on until last Friday when I picked up a voice mail message from her that she was "just checking on him, was still out of town and would be back Sat and would call him then". <P>In my honest opinion he hadn't talked with her, but had been getting voice mail messages from her that kept him up-to-date with her and in some form of contact. Which I think was a comfort for him during his withdrawal -- which I'm not sure has really began yet, since she has continued to contact.<P>It is for that reason that I called her last Friday and told her so. I had been worried that she might hang up on me or say things that I wasn't really ready to hear. But I prepared myself for several days thinking that I might call her and what I would say and what would my reaction be if she said certain things to me. So I typed out what I wanted to say - I felt I should be direct, non-confrontational yet make my point. Then I took a deep breath and dialed the number. <P>I didn't intend to say anything other than what I had written out, but then she responded with "I agree with you" and so I ask her "if you agree then why are you continuing to contact him?" She said she had no answer, she guess she was just checking on him. <P>We continued this converstaion - actually it was extremely one sided with me telling her many things that I wanted her to know. My H has told me that he loves me, that he is committed to working on our marriage and saving our family, that they were two adults that made a choice that has devestated two families, etc. She said very little. But it made me feel like I had finally done something to have a little control. <P>I have been reading other post this am and realize I should let go of the need to control, but I really think this is something that I needed to do for myself. <P>I really felt great after I did this, but I don't think this is for everyone, it must truly be a personal choice and I highly recommend that you don't contact the other person at the height of anxiety or anger. Think this through, be sure you are ready to do this, that you are ready to hear things that you possibly don't already know or want to know and decided if you are going to tell our spouse. <P>I know it isn't an honest thing to do and it doesn't really agree with the MB principles, but I must admit that I have not told my WH that I have spoken with OW. I know myself and know that with time I will tell him, but I just decided it was too much of a LBer risk for me to tell him right now.<P>But I do feel better that called her, but please think your decision through.<BR>Best of luck,<BR>Heartbreak25130
