On Oct 22 I caught my W in a cyber-sex EA. Found out Jan 17th that it went PA a week later after she'd told me the EA was over. I've always wondered what the people who'd gone through this type of thing did to survive. The EA was bad enough but to find out it went PA. I really wonder where God is in all this. I feel like such a fool doing plan A all the while she was carrying on her A. But that's what everyone elase was doing on this site. I didn't understand how they could do that.<p> Now I'm doing it and I don't understand why I'm doing it. For the kids? To be honorable? Agape love? True love? I think for me it's masochism. Trying to pay for some sin. Or more likely all of them.<p> One day at a time. That's how I'll take it. Fool that I am I still love her. I need professional help here. No talented amatures allowed on this one.<p> Sadly I'm glad I'm not alone here. This website is truly a Godsend and a lifesaver. I'll keep posting.

I read some frustration on your post, welcome to the club. We all try to find an acceptable explaination to our behavior ... is isn't that the fog all about ?. To outsider and WS, we are the 'nuts case one, we are in our fog. It is good that you still have a reason or reasons.<p>[q]One day at a time. That's how I'll take it. Fool that I am I still love her. I need professional help here. No talented amatures allowed on this one.[/b]
Most of us conseling w/ Harley directly, but he is not 24x7. Sometime we need other people's views.<p>Sadly I'm glad I'm not alone here. This website is truly a Godsend and a lifesaver. I'll keep posting.
Ditto [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .

The reason you keep trying is that you love her and your kids. And you remember why you married her. <p>Where is God in all this? Is He there in that He forgives us when we mess up and loves us unconditionally? Is He perhaps trying to help gather some of the grace of that altrustic love in some small way? I don't often wax religious but I think we are here to learn love and compassion. I think that's what our time on Earth is all about. I think being on Earth is a reward to our souls---we get to experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Utopia doesn't offer that. But like raising our children, you can't protect them constantly, you have to let them stumble and fall or they will never learn to walk. I think that is where God is in all of this.<p>I'm sorry for your pain but since I'm kind of in the same boat, I'm really wondering if knowing that the A included physical contact makes it any 'worse'. I think I would rather have my husband share his body than his heart. JMTCW.

Thanks troops. I'm really glad you're here.