I never thought I would be here writing this note, but here goes my story- Married nearly 5 years to H. Just found out I was preg 1mo ago. Routine OB visit turned up a sex.transmitted disease. H broke down and confessed PA starting with someone he kept in touch with from old job- according to him, they were together 3 or 4 times (did not live near each other). The second affair was ongoing until the day he confessed his infidelity- but the whole story did not come out at once. Of course it was someone he worked with, a younger female, kinky, attractive, met his emotional and phys needs. He would meet her several time a month for the past year and a half while I was at work (I work evenings)We had hit rock bottom and then the bottom fell out. Now, we are trying to pick up the pieces and restore our marriage- i love him despite the PA but obviously am deeply wounded, no trust,ect. He says the affair is over, supposedly moved out of state last weekend. he promises no futher contact, and says he is commited to our marriage, and he realizes that he could have lost it all. He hads turned to the Lord for guidance as well as I have, we have started counseling, seen a pastor. He also has components of sexual complusion that he recognizes now and is willing to seek treatment.
Right now, I am practically thankful that this has come out, it has shocked me out of my apathy in my marriage. It has given us hope for a new beginning- appropriate for the Easter season! I am struggling with what the future holds- I have no trust in what my H is telling me, he is being patient but I wonder how long his patience will last. I wonder if he is just on his best behavior now and the old ways will come back to haunt us.
I am sure i am not the only one who felt this way, I would appretiate any support, encouragement, words of advice. Can we really survive this and have the marriage we both say we want???

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 10:00 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I am at 20 days of having been informed of my husband's affair. I feel very much the same as you. My husband feels great remorse and guilt and I too wonder if his patience with my shock, anger, pain will last as long as it needs to; and if I continue to have the strength to deal with these feelings. I have 2 boys 7 & 9; and we both feel we will do anything it takes to save our family. So here I am...sad to be here but grateful for all the kindness I have found from others who know what it feels like to be me. Bless you.

I know that right now the pain in your life is unbearable.<p>Try to get a support system in place - friends, family, a counselor, talk to a priest/minister, church group, and especially God. You will need all of those people to get through this.<p>I second the advice to read those two books as well as the info. on this site. If you are trying to work on the marriage then you need to follow the 4 rules of recovery. A no contact letter needs to be sent(per SAA). You may even want to have at least one counseling session with one of the MB counselors to help you both devise a plan for recovery. They can jump start the recovery process and get you started on the right tract.<p>You will feel a wide variety of emotions. Many people read the book Torn Asunder as well to help them deal with recovery. Boundaries in Marriage by Townsend and Cloud is good too. You will no doubt feel obsession with thinking about the affair - this will not last forever. You will probably feel resentment toward husband - there is info. on this site about how to deal with that.
But know that those feelings are normal, and you may want to post on the recovery board to get feedback from people dealing with those same issues. And don't forget the power of prayer. Try to pray together, or at least pray for your spouse. The Praying Wife and The Praying Husband by Stormie Omaritan are both great books. God is the ultimate healer of our wounds. <p>Recovery is possible and having a better marriage than before is possible too. I wish you success in your efforts and healing from your pain. K