After finding out about my WWs affair (both EA and PA), she said that she just wanted to remain 'friends'. I wanted to believe this, but I found out otherwise. I was able to log onto her email at work one night (this was about 6 weeks after the PA ended because I caught them). Even though I didn't want to believe it, I found out that the EA was still going on. This is the email I caught between them.

WW- "I apologize for giving you so much grief...I guess I don't really want to be gone the next 4 days but know that it is one necessary, and two if I want to make a go of my marriage it needs to be that way.Besides...you keep giving me **** about it...:)There are a lot of things running through my mind these days...and I know that a lot of it is just wishful thinking on my part. I know that sometimes the things that we want aren't always possible and I have to be accepting of that. Know what I mean?You make my heart sink and soar all at the same time...It amazes me how I respond to you...you have to know I love that..So many of the things I see in you I like and some of them are so much like me it is scary...I guess the best thing to do right now is enjoy...huh?"

OM "I think that is the only option we have at this point...enjoy the company and companionship of each other as best we can. That was a real outpouring in this email. I like that we can talk to openly together...how many marriages or loves do you think have that ability?"

WW "Not very many...I guess maybe that is part of what I like about you...I don't feel like you hide things from me...Do you think you would if we were a couple?"

OM "No, I wouldn't see any reason to do that. We are able to tell each other anything/everything...that is one of the things I like about us. Who else would I be able to tell that I 'thought about them'??"

WW "Would you tell your wife that? Maybe that is a bad question but I am just curious."

OM "Honestly, I don't fantasize about her. Isn't that terrible"

WW "Maybe if you had been with me a long time you wouldn't me either...think? Maybe if I were accessible all the time the desire might not be there.I don't think that is terrible..I think it takes some effort from both husband and wife to keep things exciting. I think sometimes that is why people look elsewhere...In a relationship...married or not you have to work really hard (both people) to stay together and sometimes one works harder than the other and other times it turns around...I know this isn't a good example but like today...you were more giving than me...if I always took you would get tired of that...and rightly so..okay this probably went deeper than you wanted..."

OM "You are being quite philosophical tonight. I can tell that you aren't as excited about this weekend as you might otherwise be."

WW "It will be good for my household, I know...Do you think I am right about what I said?"

OM "On the first point...I don't know. If two lovers were passionate and giving and all that, I would think there would still be fantasies.As far as the work part, I totally agree. I think that sometimes it is simply easier to roll over and do nothing than to have to work at it. There comes a point where it is not as much fun as it used to be when it becomes routine, or when you think the work you are putting into it doesn't come back out.I like to give when I know that it is appreciated, valued, taken to heart, or however it might be classified. When it is taken for granted is when I lose interest in giving any more. I don't think we take things for granted."

After I saw this, I left a voice mail to the OMs wife the next day to tell her about the affair. The OM knew I was going to tell her, so he told his wife before I could (however, I did leave a voice mail just to be 'sure' he really did tell her).
Reading the email between my WW and OM almost hurt as bad as the night I found out. Just wanted to give everyone an 'example' of what happens when the WS wants to just remain 'friends'. The reality is, as I found out, that all contact must be cut off....period.

Wow Rollercoaster

That must have been tough to read.

My situation was similiar but I heard voices on v-mail so not only did I hear the words but also the voice inflections with all of the emotions attached. It was tough!!

To all,
This is my very first post from May 2002. I'm reviving it for two reasons:

To illustrate that if your S's story is that "they're just special friends" don't be as naivee as I was. Not only is that the tell tale sign of an EA but in most cases it is the sign of a PA.

To thank all of you who spent the time with a babbling nervous just found out H like me. Blind Sided, 2long, Hurt & Sad and all the others.

cwmac

Sorry you have to join us here, but it's really a great place, and the other people are great. The first thing that came to mind when your WW tried to explain her way out of it, "If it smells like a fish, and swims like a fish, you know what, it's probably, a fish". (Fish meaning affair)

Betrayed Husband,

Thanks for clrifying the fish analogy. LOL

As I said that was my original post from Winter 2002 so I 'm now a veteran (advanced amateur) in the infifelity game.

Back when she told me it was just an EA, I didn't really believe her but subconsciously probably wanted to. Not to rehash my story but I heard a v-mail and phone conversation that didn't specifically say,"PA" but came very close. So close that I couldn't really come to start recovery and closure until I was told the truth. It took her 18 months & lots of pain and wasted time until she finally relaized that she needed to do it.

cwmac