I am so tired today. Is it because i had my final yesterday and I can now relax, if you dont' count having to catch up on house work. I come from work at midnight, dishes from dinner are not done, I wash them when I get up a 6am to make his lunch. He does not keep an eye on the kids, so their toys and clothes are all over the house. He lets the kids undress in whatever room they are in, and they leave their clothes on the floor, chair, whatever is closest.

Today, I went back to bed after making his lunch, work up at 10, finished laundry, went to work, and I am exhausted. I'm writing this on my break. I can barely stay awake. I don't know if it is depression, winding down from my busy schedule or what. Now that I don't have school to keep me occupied, I'm thinking more about what he is doing. I want to cry, but I'm too tired.

I wish this heat would go away. I have more energy when it is not so hot. I need the temps to drop about 20 degrees. Right now I'll settle for 5 degrees and no humidity

I want to LB sooooooooo much. This keeping my big mouth shut is not my style. I'm used to telling him like it is. That is why I don't get why he married me. He knew I would not hold my tougue. If I didn't like something he did, I told him so. And I did not waste any words in the process. I'm tired of his not helping around the house. I come home, the sink is full of dinner dishes. The kids activities are all over the house. His idea is that it is womans work. Well, yeah, back in the days when woman stayed home all day long and had nothing else to do.

Well, I cannot forget he does mow the grass once per week and chops wood about 4x per year for the fireplace. While I, do laundery daily, dishes daily, vaccum daily, sweep daily. And he wonders why I'm tired at the end of the day. Lets not forget I work 40 hours per week and go to school part time. Some of the stuff does not get done daily like it should, it all depends upon what I have due for school that week. One more year.

He spends $$ like we have a $$ tree in the back yard. Claims he does side jobs. I think the side jobs are more like BJ's from the OW. I never see the $$ from the alleged side jobs. When I used to work 2 jobs, I would put the 2nd paycheck into the joint account where it belonged. Same with my bonuses from work. Well, no more, my bonuses are mine, mine mine. Well, maybe the kids too. But he will not see 1 red cent.

Sue -- I am sorry you are having such a difficult time right now, and I wish I could come over there and smack you H up top the head for his stupidity!!! I give you a LOT of credit for being able to hold your LB's, because I think that if I was in your situation, I would NOT be able to!!! Speaking your mind is NOT a bad quality... to me it means you are not afraid to say what you think! (something I admire in a person!!!) I wish you could get your H to fess up, and get over himself!!! You DON'T deserve the crap he is putting you through!!! This whole "fog" thing would make me CRAZY!!! Don't you ever get the desire to grab him by the neck, and explain to him that his A is nothing more than fantasy, and if he had to actually deal with life issues with her, he would realize that she is NO different than the rest of us!????!! Like I have said before, I have NO respect for a woman who would get involved with a married man... I think that they are cruel, they abviously have no concern for their part in the pain they cause!!! ( I know it takes two, but if #2 says "no way, your married, go home to your spouse" then the A can't happen!!!) It may take two for an A, but it only takes ONE to say "NO"!!! (just my opinion!)

I really feel sorry for your H's OW, because she will find herself all alone and feeling like a whore when this is all said and done! (which is exactly what she deserves) You and your H will have the opportunity to fix your M, and she will have NOTHING!!! (again, what she deserves!!!)

I hope things get easier for you SOON!!! I wish I could do something... anything to help you, but as you know I really have no clue about all this! Just know that my thought are with you!!!

Wishing you all the best!

-mcnyh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'm sooo glad I found this site. I was hoping someone out there could guide me. We live in Florida and just got a call from my son-in-law of 2 months that our daughter (his new wife) has been unfaithful to him for at least 12 months, and with at least 2-3 different men. He is understandably upset and wants her out of the house (they live in CT) and wants nothing more than to confront these men. My daughter is 25 years old and has been with my son-in-law for 8 years, engaged for almost 5. When they first decided to live together, nearly 4 yrs ago, I tried to encourage her to get an apartment with one of her friends, so that she would have an opportunity to live a little, on her own, before settling down. We love our son-in-law, he is a good man, and a wonderful provider. He adores our daughter, has an 8 yr-old son from a previous relationship, but I think there was something going on that made her feel unworthy or didn't measure up. She has a very strong personality, is outgoing and beautiful. But she makes only about 1/3 as much as he does, and I think that has been an underlying issue between them for a couple of years (they bought a house together 2 years ago, but her name was not put on the title because she has terrible credit. when they set up housekeeping, they agreed to split expenses 50/50, which put a strain on our daughter) We told her that we love her, that they should continue to get counseling (which they just started last week) to deal with this. I told my daughter that she needs to find out why she would want to sabotage her relationship, as well as to think about what she really wants for her life. She says that she truly loves her husband and doesn't know why she's done what she has. What can we do to encourage reconciliation, understanding, and perseverance, as well as be an effective tool in diffusing the highly emotional situation occurring in their home? I feel really helpless being so far away. My husband and I are not financially well off right now, and cannot afford to go up there, or to bring her here for a while. Personally, I don't think that she should leave the area; that, at most, she should stay with a good friend for a day or so for things to cool down, and have an impartial and supportive ear to share this with. She has not told any of her friends, and is ashamed to tell them, but I reminded her of their wonderful nature and that they love her too, and, even if though they would normally disapprove of that type of behavior, she is their friend, and they would not be judgmental of her actions. This is so out of character for her, she is usually a very well grounded and sensible person. I can only think she must be terribly unhappy and she was looking for some attention, especially since the way my son=in-law found out, it seemed like she wanted to get caught. I had no idea anything like this was going on, I'm baffled as to how to help them. Does anyone have any suggestions to help me to help my daughter and her husband through this.

Hi MC,

Thanks - I was having a couple of bad days there. I had my final, so my major distraction was gone. It did not help any that my son told me that my H mad the comment "she is making me miserable". Son said dad did not know he was within earshot. This I did confront H on. He said he no longer feels that way. So, If he is no longer miserable with me, why does he call her. I've speculated baby??????????????. Is that the connection???????? She lives at home with mom and dad. Wouldn't mom & dad question why this relationship has not progressed any. If you count when they first met, they have known each other for 7 years. How much of it is an A, I don't know.

And to anwser your questions, yes, I would like to strangle him. They dealt with life's issue before. When he first met her, he cancelled our wedding plans, and moved in with her. At least we didn't plan on a big wedding. Was going to have the priest do a small ceremony. He's catholic. Before they moved in together, they had lots of fun. He had lots of money, he had access to my paycheck and was not paying child support. After he left, he had to pay me child support. It cut big time into his funds. About 6 months later, he wanted back together. He was still lying to me about his relationship with her. What kind of woman stays with a man who goes back to his ex fiance and marries his ex fiance. Is it the thrill of an A? School starts up again a month. I'm going to start my daughters halloween costume. It will keep me busy. The boys don't know what they want, so we will probably buy theirs. Once school starts I won't have time to make them.

Once I can focus on school, it will not be able to distract me. I wish he would admits so we can start to work on recovery.

Worriedmom: you will get better results if you put the same information in a new thread.

Thanks

Worriedmom: I should have included how to do this. At the bottom of this thread, where the reply button is, is a "post new topic" click on that button and copy and past your stuff from your entry. Give it a subject that will catch others attention.

I'll be okay. I think I'm hitting a mild state of depression. I get up, and I'm okay, within a couple of hours I'm tired again. I have a lot I have to get done, and I'm not interested in doing it. I have to snap myself out of it and make myself do these things. Maybe that will help change my mood.

Can someone tell me why I am trying? Boys play soccer on Mon & Wed. Some days are practices some days are games. I work 2nd shift. He knew what days soccer was when they were signed up. So, why does he have to play monday night softball, beside he likes the team. He plays Tuesday night softball, subs on a Friday team and his Sunday team just had their last game. So, why can't he give up Monday for the boys. I have to get my sister or his mother to take the boys and our D. Yes, I have to, he does not bother to. It is his game. Tonight, my sister's son had ball, so we have a conflict. Well, I could not ask her to not take her son to his ball game, so my kids missed out on their soccer so he could play ball. I don't get the selfishness. I should not be surprised. When we first me, he gave me lipsink about how kids came first, but he is just like both his parents, neither one of them made sacrifices. My H was a latchkey kid before the term existed, he was in the first grade. She justifies it, by saying the babysitter she hired, said why bother hiring her for him, he was at the ball field all the time. I want to know, what is a 1st grader doing at the ball field alone????????. My MIL says, we didn't know better back then. BOLONEY, my mom was having kids before she was, and my mom didn't do that. We were not allowed to leave the yard without permission, and if mom and or mom and dad had to go somewhere without us, we had babysitters. We were not allowed to leave the house without the babysitters permission, and generally that was never. Venting. Why do I want to stay married to a man who obviosly comes from such a dysfunctional background and no one gets that this is not appropriate. When I comment on how he plays too many games and he should be giving up on Monday for the boys, well, "he needs time out too". And I don't. What kind of message is he sending to the boys about how important he is compared to them. I warned my H, that the day will come when the kids will have no respect for him, and he will have brought it on himself. He does not believe. My oldest son, is already lying to dad, but will be honest with me. He does not want to tell dad the truth, I've asked him why, and he says "just because" I've told oldest how wrong lying is. It does not matter who you lie to. Oldest is already showing signs of disrespect for H. I can't talk to H about this stuff. He does not believe me when I point this stuff out to him. Oldest is already showing early signs of maturing, such as body odor. H has not had any talks with him about puberty, so he will have an idea that changes occur as boys age. So I sat him down and had a very simplified talk. I told him that as he gets older, there will other talks regarding these changes, and when he is ready we can talk about it. I guess I have to be mom and dad to all the kids.

All I want is a man that puts his family first. Sees the importance of family first. Am I asking for so much????? Maybe he just cannot fulfill those shoes. As I look back, the warning signs were there, of course they didn't show up until after we had kids. I now question if taking him back was the right thing to do.

Sue - my H is a sports fanatic too. he played ball once a week and hockey 2 times (at least) per week!!! He never understood how much pressure this all put on me! Before the kids, I went with him to all the games, but after the second one, there was no way I could jugle them both at a game!!! So he went, and I stayed home with the kids... I would get sooooooo frustrated with him, I felt like me and the girls didn't even rate with him! I finally put my foot down and told him how unfair it was that he got so much "him time" while "my time" was food shoping (oooh, fun!!!). My H now only plays hockey once a week... that's it. I still don't get any "me time", but at least he is around more now!

I am so sick of hearing that "boys will be boys", because that is a load of crap! Boys should become MEN!!! That means accepting their responsabilities... wife, children, etc!!! They need to GROW UP and deal with life! (not get "confused" or "scared" and run to some dumb bimbo for "support"!!!)

I hope that your H wakes up from his fog, and realizes how selfish HE is being... you deserve to be happy!

Sorry for the intensity of my post, I just get really frustrated!

All my best!

-mcnyh

Hi MC,
don't apologize, I feel the same way. I don't mind his sports, and I too used to go. Now, I'm allowed to go to select teams. What, is she at the others???????

He has not played hockey since he started coaching the boys, so he does have some involvment. My me time is school, and work, and the shopping too. WOW!!!!. They just don't get it.

Well, I keep hoping. No one can take that away.

When taking antidepressants, is this just a temporary thing? I'm thinking about contacting my doctor. Ever since my class ended I have lost all energy. All I want to do is sleep. I have no interest in doing anything. The weather the last couple of days have been perfect for doing stuff outside, and all I want to do is lay around the house, let the kids play on the computer, as long as they leave me alone. That is not me. I take a real interest in my kids, since class ended, I don't care. Fall semester is a month away from starting. I know school helps to keep my attention focused on myself and not on H or the A.

sue, i know exactly how you feel. i have no motivation to do the projects i need to do for work, get stuff done around house etc. I dont have kids...but my sister is bringing my 2 beautiful nieces to my state to see me in a couple of weeks and I cant even get excited about it. Usually we spend every waking moment playing and having fun when i see them and i right now i am just thinking i dont want to exert the energy. all i want to do is sleep too.

i am thinking of trying anti depressents also...i was doing some research on the web and found that the diet drug Meridia was first used as an antidepressent and then marketed as a diet drug after they noticed it helped people lose weight too. I am thinking of trying it...perhaps I will get a 2 fold benefit.

hope you have a better day tomorrow...i keep reminding myself each day is new and perhaps the next one will be better.

best wishes

Thanks - Hope we both have better days too. I should ask my Dr. about Meridia. I need to lose some weight also, so maybe I can be a great looking depressed woman. I used to exercise, and that helped, but now, I cannot motivate myself to do that either. When I am at work, I feel my best. Probably because I'm not at home, I don't want to leave work. Everyday on my way home, I think, I could just keep driving, then I remember the kids and I could not do that to them.

I want school to start again. I need school to start again. I was all excited to go to the Hancock fabrics and get the material for my D's costume. I planned to make it while on break, since I won't have time once school starts again. The boys, I told them if they didn't decide by the time school started, this year we will buy their costumes and after I'm done with school, I will go back to making them.

Why does he think he is getting away with anything. I think his mom is starting to suspect, even though she has not said anything. Just with the way that she has answered questoins. I think she does not want to raise the issue. The last time he did this, she was so angry with him. She spent 6 years putting up with abuse and infidelilty from my H's dad, that she hoped she raised them to be different.

Hi Whereismy

Maybe when your sister gets here, that might help you get out of the slump?

I'm going to check my drug book at home and see about different antidepressents. Maybe I need this to get me through until school starts. (I'm going to school to be a RN).

My day is a little better today. Not much. I didn't go back to sleep for as long, but then again I couldn't. I made arrangements with MIL to take her to get her car fixed. I called Dr., day off today, go figure. So I will call tomorrow.

H is still trying to perway me to celebrate his birthday on a day other than his birthday. Why, does he have plans with OW? Am I spoiling those plans by trying to include me and the kids. The only way he will be able to get out of doing anything with me, is by refusing to, and then I will want a valid explanation, good luck to him coming up with one.

Sue - I am also considering calling my Doctor. I feel so blue most of the time! I know a lot of it is the stress of trying to sell our house, but when I try (key word: TRY) to go to sleep, I still get images in my head that upset me... Will they ever go away??? I explained this to my H, and he is trying to be understanding, but there is NO way he could possibly understand what I am going through!!! I know he is going through his own "stuff", but I am the one with the images to deal with... MY OWN SISTER!!!!!! Just the thought of it makes me sick!!! How could they do this to me????

Sorry. I hope you are able to get out of your funk... Maybe meds would help you. My H just started taking stuff about 3 weeks ago, and it seems to be helping him. (the pschiatrist seems to think he has an adjustment dissorder...)

When you H wakes up, he is going to realize just how great you are... I hope it's not to late for him when he does!!!

Take care of yourself!

-mcnyh

I hope you are right, that H will think I'm the greatest. Right, now, I don't think so. I wish I knew how to get in touch with his XW. He is my first marriage, this is his second marriage. He married his HS sweetheart, he claims they married too young, him 19 her 18 and that was why they broke up. However, the way he describes how he would do what she wanted to please her, has me wondering, 1) is this really true? 2) If it is true, why doesn't he love me that much?

And what the H*** is so special about OW that he would jeopardize our M and hurt our kids? I know FOG, FOG, FOG, or another word, STUPIDITY. Guess I'm loosing my cool here.

I don't think you are losing your cool... I give you a LOT of credit for doing what you are doing!!! I don't think I could! You have a plan, and you are sticking with it... Your H is a lucky man, and someday (soon, I hope) he will realize it! He married you for a reason! I think he is just to absorbed in his "fantasy" world to remember that! Whoever this OW is, she is not a woman, she is a stupid little girl who has no concern for the pain she is causing you! What man would want (I mean REALLY want) a whore like that? It's fun for a while, but he WILL see her for what she is!

I am glad you are feeling better, and I hope your ride gets easier for you! (mine is just starting, I think...)

Have a good night!

-mcnyh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ July 24, 2002, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: mc needs your help ]</small>

MC - Thanks, you have a good night too.

I just don't get it, lets assume the worst,
He never stopped seeing her, got back with me, married me and continued his involvement with her. Why would she stay? If this is the case, why would she stay in an A for 7 years? This sounds so ..... I don't know, dumb?

everyday I get a little better. Now I stay awake in the mornings instead of going back to sleep. I still don't want to do anything. To be truthful, I don't really wake up until it is time to go to work. When I get to work, that is when I start feeling like myself. When I leave work, I don't want to go home, I go home because of the kids. What I really want to do is to keep on driving until I'm out of gas and money.