Hi Sue,

how are you doing? How are things?

Is that your photo in the MB photo album?

I had a big LB day today, the best thing after that is just to hang out here and check on some nice people like you.

When are you coming to NYC to check out that construction worker scenario??? (LOL) Works like magic...and if that is your photo in the MB Album, we won't be able to save ourselves from the guys.

Hope you're doing well.
All the best to you

Hi Liza,
Nice to hear from you. No, I didn't put one out their yet. All of my most recent ones make me look like I just crawled out from under a rock. Okay, so maybe I did (LOL).

I am going to when I get a fairly decent one. Lets see, the most recent one has me either squinting from the sun, wind making my hair look like I have not combed it in years (on a pontoon on a very windy day). I could grab the one from about 10 years ago. In that one I look great.

I'll have to check out the MB photo thread again.

Are you in there?

Lets see, when is a good time to come and check on NYC construction workers. MMMMMM

I will have to tell you about one thing that happend about 3 years ago at my work. They were expanding on the building. Now, I'm about 7 month pg with last child. This hunk of a construction worker gets on the elevator. MMMM baby. I lost it. Normally I can see a cute guy and I think to myself not bad, and end of subject. I was talking to my friends as we are about to get on the elevator. Before he doors close on walks Mr America. Face and body all in one package. I totally forgot what I was talking about. My friends tried to get me back on subject, but I was a gonner. My friends sure had a hoot out of that one because normally a cute guy does not get a reaction out of me. All I could think was, why did I have to be married and obviously pregnant( bad girl) LOL. Oh well, can't have everything now can I.

How come was it a LB day? or don't you want to get into it?

I'm confused lately.

H and I have been talking about selling house and moving when I finish school. I'm excited about the prospect. I like my house, but I don't like the city we live in. I know what city I want to move to.

Here is my confusion. As of late - I'm not sure if I still love my H. Is my barriers up for self protection or has all my love been drained from the bank?

Why would I even consider selling and moving with a man I don't know if I want to stay married to him?

Many a times, I think when I am done with school, he is out of here.

I cannot live with a man who thinks it is okay to leave all day on the weekends, while I am at home cleaning all day. If I was a stay at home mom, I would not complain about doing all the housework. I am not a stay at home mom. I work full time, school part time. Is it wrong of me to ask for domestic help. I don't think so. Personlly, I think he is being selfish and lazy if he refuses to help me around the house. Am I being to harsh on him?

Hi, Sue!

Right now it is proably hard to really decide if you love him or not. I know that after I found out there were times when I just wanted my H out of there -- when I really thought I didn't love him. When he left, I knew that I did love him -- I just didn't like who he was during that time (the alien).

You probably shouldn't make any final decisions until you and your H are in counseling. At least you won't be selling for about a year. It certainly never hurts to spruce up your house, but don't become committed to a situation that you won't be able to handle if things don't work out (big house payments after you finish school that you won't be able to handle by yourself). You have already said that after school you want things to come to a head regarding your situation. You probably shouldn't become committed to something until then. At that point you will probably know what your feelings are and if your H is willing to commit to your M.

Anyway, hang in there!

Also, what is wrong with minivans. I have one (don't even have children) and I absolutely LOVE IT! My H hates it and that has been an issue between the two of us. My dogs love it too.

FHO

Hi FHO

Thanks for your words of encouragement. I know I won't make any decisions with regards to selling and buying a home until things with us are resolved.

With regards to minivans- I have nothing against them. Even though I have kids, I have this aversion to anything that says I'm getting older. Minivans represent that to me, so does short hair. (when I think of short hair I think of my mom and my neighbors and friends mom from growing up). I know, minivans don't really say that, but to me they equate with stationwagon. If I could I would have a sports car, not practical, so the SUV is the closest I can get to sporty and still provide me the room I need for the kids.

I know, sounds a little wacky. But it is my wackiness

Hi,

I also think minivan says I am getting older. I didn't really want to get one at first, but my dog really liked my MIL's van, and I wanted a car that we could all go in places, so it was either minivan or SUV. AFter I got it, I found out I loved it. The only thing I don't like about it is that it does scream "Suburban Stay-at-Home Mom" which I absolutely am not. Oh well, I still like it.

I was thinking about your situation and the one good thing about having the goal to finish school and then come to some resolution re your M is that if you continue your Plan A during this time you will have had a chance to deposit an enormous amount of LB$. By the time you are done, your H will really have something to think about. It will have been enough time for him to really see the changes you have made in yourself and he probably will not want to let you go. Then you will be able to start working together to resolve issues in your M (like you doing the housework).

Anyway, I was just thinking about it.

FHO

I hope you are right. I get so frustrated at times. Like now. He is going away for the weekend. An annual trip. I'm generally okay with it, except, I know 6 years ago, she went on this trip. (Supposed to be a all guy trip) does she still go? Or he has all these friends, before he met her, I was invited with him to their homes. Now, I am not. Does she go? Why does he choose to exclude me? These are the things that I get frustrated with. Before we got married, I told him that this behavior will stop or we do not get married. He agreed. Well, it has not stopped. Oh well, School starts on Monday, I will have a new focus. I will do my best to make deposits and we will see come May/June. I try not to dwell on these things as they only frustrate me, so why bother.

H, chooses to not take me out much, but I know he takes her out. He uses the bank card. It showss up on our statement, TGIF, Damon's, APPLEBEE's. And the amount is the amount that one would spend on two, not one. I question these to him.

Cheerier subject - Boys sign up hockey this weekend, and I have so sign up Daughter for dance. My sister took her to her daughters recital, and now she is bugging me for sign up. For a 3 year old, her memory is way to good. She brings up things from a year ago with fair accuracy. She won't remember details, but she recalls enough so you know what she is talking about (she scares me).

Hi Sue,

I didn't know I would get myself in so much trouble with you gals about the SUV or minivans,

Sorry, sorry,sorry...

Many times I wished I'd have one, when I am at the wholesale place and I really want to buy that patio set and there is no way I could get it into my Volkswagen (forget about the Porsche, it has a trunk the size of my purse).

Or that time we went to Washington for the weekend, when the little one was 4 months old and I couldn't get my feet on the floor for five hours because the Golf was packed with enough equipment that you could have survived for six months in Antarctica. I would have killed for a SUV then.

Sue, I read your post about your husband using the banking card to charge meals for two at restaurants. Why do you think he's doing that? I find that?

Got to get back to my lab...
Talk to you later some more...

Sue,

I also wonder why he is being so careless when taking her out. I also would be concerned with him spending time with friends that help cover up an extramarital relationship. Obviously these are not friends of your M.

Why don't you ask him out instead of waiting for him to take you out? Plan something and go out. Or tell him that you would like to spend some time with his friends and when can all of you get together. Of course, if he doesn't react favorable, back off so you don't LB. But if he says yes, it will be a great opportunity for LB$.

Well, school should soon take your mind off things. I started this week, so am getting busy again. Oh well, it is better to be busy than bored.

FHO

Hi FHO & Liza,

I cannot wait for school to start. I really need it to.

I've asked him out, his birthday was last month, I tried making special plans, nothing. He says, he will see if something better comes up.

His friends have not respect for M. Most of them have cheated on their spouses. His so called best friend cheated constantly on his W. When she had an A of her own, my H found her to be disgusting, but it was okay for his friend to have one A after the onther. He knows I don't want his associtating with them. I've tried for us to make friends with others who will have a positive impact and no luck.

School willl help my frame of mind.

Hi Sue,

finally I got back to this computer. What a busy day... - and I am still here at work until tomorrow 10 AM.

I was wondering about your husbands attitude about spending time together with you? When he goes out to eat at those restaurants with OW, does he tell you where he is going? You said in some post before that he denies the A, so he won't tell you with her. How often in a week is he out with his "friends"? How often is he home having dinner with you and the kids?

I can imagine, that this situation must be so hard to live with every day. Hold on to your great kids - have fun with them! I'd love so much to have a daughter to take to dance classes. I envie all my friends who have daughters...my two boys are wonderful but it's not the same.

I laughed so much about your elevator construction worker story. You would REALLY have fun here since they are renovating this place and there are TONS of construction workers around...

Good night...

All that meat and no potatoes (LOL).

I work second shift, he works first. He picks up the kids from daycare, I drop them off on my way to work.

Weekends he disappears around noon and returns anywhere from the hours of 4-7. He says he's looking at houses, shopping, golfing.

I took the nigth off tonight. I have things to get done at home. He left for a drunken softball weekend this weekend. For all I know, she might be with.

School starts monday - nine more months and I graduate, then I take boards, then I find a new job. After that, I will deal with M.

Hi Sue,

good morning! I'm still here at work (2 1/2 hours more to go...). You can figure what my job is, right? Medical field,too, but that lousy part with the long calls. If someone had told me about this before, I would have studied art history instead. No, just kidding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I love my job and I wouldn't want to miss one minute of this exciting and challenging night. But a pillow would be really nice right now.

I am not sure I understand your schedule. If your kids are in daycare and he works first shift and picks them up and you work second and drop them off- I could not figure out who works when (maybe it's the time of night for me or general poor IQ...). And then on weekends he disappears, after a week of this working different times. And that he didn't want to go out with you...another thing that's terribly hard to take. I can just endlessly admire you for hanging in there:

<<<Cyberhug>>>

Are you still able to Plan A with all of this?
You're a saint and I am sure you'll be rewarded in heaven (either with your husband being nice again and fog lifted - or with a whole bunch of construction workers...). I won't see you there because I'll be stuck in hell for all those LBs that I committed after my H's A. Maybe they'll still admit me to heaven-economy class only- because I spent so many nights saving patients (there's still hope).

Bye for now-be strong!

Liza you are so funny.

I think I will take a whole bunch of contruction workers as my reward. One in each area, roofer, electrician, sheetrock, carpenter, plumber, my house should be in the best of shape. (LOL)

For trying to make it work, you will be going to heaven First Class.

I do my best to not LB, but then again I've had years of practice and a long time of suscpicions, so it is easy for me to hold my tongue on some issues. Then again, I have found a way to get things out, Probably and LB, but it does make him squirm. Such as (this is true) a class mate of mine is from one of the Dakota's. Her dad found out that her mom is cheating. In their state the BS can sue the OW and the WS, so I told him that, I left out the which state part.

Probably wrong of me, but I have to survive somehow.

Take care. Off to see the Grotto

It feels like the best you can do is plan A for the next nine months. That is long enough to see if it works and for you to finish your studies. At that point probably the best option is to do whatever you can to discover the affair with evidence, confront him, and go to plan B if he does not break it off.

<small>[ August 25, 2002, 09:04 AM: Message edited by: relate ]</small>

Hi Sue,

do you think they'll be checking tickets on boarding for heaven...???

I will sure get into trouble at the gate because I LBed big time again yesterday.

If you have time please read my post under my thread (wanted to put it there so that people who read my story don't think it's been all bliss the last few days)

Relate,

That is about all I can do.

Today was the day from you know where.

First day of class. MIL is a gem today. She took the kids last night so I would not have to disrupt their last week of summer vac and wake them up early to go to daycare so I can go to school They are at her house again tonight. I have to be to school at 8am. Tuesday night, my neice is going to stay the night and take the kids to daycare for me. I'm trying to not let my schedule interupt the kids schedule too much.

My MIL and I sometime do not see eye to eye, but she has been a real help with my school issue. We had our differences in the past (some major ones).

But H, was the straw that broke the camels back. I knew I was going to be late for work, because I had other things going on. Everytime I'm home when he gets home, do this, do that, even telling him I don't have time, usually makes me late, because I have to stop and tell him why, then the kids want something.

The bookstore did not have what I wanted, Kids didn't behave when we went for school pictures. One thing on top of the other.

tomorrow is another day.

Hi, Sue

Hang in there. Liza is right -- you are a saint to Plan A for this long. One of the things that has always kind of bothered me is that it generally seems that on these boards neither S is having their needs met, but one of them has an A to get his/her needs met, then in order to recover the M, the S not having the A has to do even more to meet his/her S's needs, while still not having his/her own needs met. How long can one go on without having his/her needs met? I guess that is where Plan B comes into play, when the LB$ is drained.

Anyway, just me own private vent. It seems to be especially applicable in your case -- your H plans his own activities to meet his needs, but you get to watch kids, clean house, go to school and work. ????????? The good news in all of this is that you are perfecting some great life skills -- patience, unselfishness, tolerance. These will always be with you. It also seems you are building a great R with your kids.

Hang in there. Keep your eye on the prize -- finishing school. Time enough later to make decisions about your M. Also after your great and long Plan A, you H will probably be startled when you reveal that you know about his A.

FHO

You know what, school is a great place to meet people who have a lot in common with you. My ex filed for divorce when I quit my job and registered for my studies, but after some time I didn't care because college was so much fun and I was falling big time for my supervisor.

Thanks to both of you.

Relate - If I start falling for my instructors, then I'm getting very desperate. (They are all female). Couldn't resist.

I know H will be very shocked when I reveal the A. He thinks I'm in the dark.

FHO, I'm thinking that all the BS's are saints then. To do plan A takes alot of strength, courage and patience.

Well, gotta get back to work. On break. School took up the whole day. Tomorrow too. This weekend I should have some time to be out here. H will probably home. He and his brother are going to redo our roof.