Now you're thinkin' girl! Maybe it will help relieve some stress to mess with them. You have to wait to say anything, so why not have a little fun a their expense.

The way you describe that couple is just like my H and I. We wouldn't dream of doing separate trips. He used to go fishing overnight with one of his buddies every so often at the coast, but even that has stopped with his new job. The thing is, I know he would love to take me fishing too, and he was openly verbal about it. I just don't always have the time and drive that his friend does for fishing.

I read a thread somewhere saying you can get specific calls forwarded by the phone company. Wouldn't it be funny if everytime she called your house, she got you at work! Hee Hee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

How very interesting, forward her calls to me at work. I'd like to see the look on her face when she realized what happened. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

You do what you have to do to survive and de-stress

Hi Sue, they don't have an icon with a waving hand. It was nice to meet you and to have lunch together. Did the waiter take the appetizers and the drinks off the tab? I am sitting here at work buzzed.

I don't know. The others took the bill and went to take care of it. (I think).

It was nice meeting you too. I love your accent. It was already suggested to try to plan an April lunch. I think it is a great idea.

You know, sometimes I think about my M, my H, the past.

H can be so good, and he can be so bad. I know he wants to be a good father. He makes many mistakes, and some of them are borderline verbal and emotional abuse. I know he was raised with that. He does not do have the stuff I heard about that went on in his youth. When I don't like something he has done, he know it. Before he used to get defensive, now he asks, if he was wrong. Most of the time, he is not wrong to discipline the kids, he is wrong in his methods or what he says. Such as, telling our oldest he is stupid.

By no means am I perfect, I've made my share of mistakes. When I am wrong, I apologize to my kids, tell them how I was wrong and I will try to do better. Usually I over react to things that I normally would not when I am in the middle of a stressful situation regarding my H's A. I end up telling them that they did not do anything wrong, they just caught me in a bad moment. I try to correct the situation. It happens less and less now.

I'm glad H is at least asking if I think he is wrong or what he should have done different. Once I told him that if what he does is somethign you don't want the kids repeating, then it is wrong and he needs to find another method

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Sue with hope:
<strong>I don't know. The others took the bill and went to take care of it. (I think).

It was nice meeting you too. I love your accent. It was already suggested to try to plan an April lunch. I think it is a great idea.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you for the compliment, I would love to get together again for lunch. Actually I was also thinking on the way to work that we should do a big potlock dinner at my house sometime soon. That way we'll have more time and maybe have more people and be able to talk more.

P.S. You can call me anytime if you want.

Hi,

Things are not good for me right now. As much as it causes me intense pain, I find a need to check his cell phone to see if he calls her, or she calls him. They have been talking every day for the last couple of days. On one hand, eventually it will help me to prepare to move to Plan B. On the other, I need to know if they are talking.

I have been thinking alot about Plan B. I know it is what I have to do after I pass boards. If I don't, this A will continue for lord knows how long. Thinking about Plan B, causes me great pain. I don't want to go that route. I want it to end before it gets to that point. I don't honestly believe it will <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Nothing changes, everything stays the same. When it gets to that point, I will ask him mom if he needs a place if he can live with her. I'm sure OW lives with her parents, so I don't think he will go there. They probably will not let him. Why does a single 28/29 year old woman live with her parents? Then again, who knows. I have to go to bed. Have to work tomorrow, babygirl has dance in the morning. Boys have party in the afternoon, and I am supposed to go out with H. I don't want to.

You know, he only takes me out to places where he is expected to be seen with me. Very seldom do we go out together on a date. I'm sure he takes her to things that involve his friends. We never do anything with his friends. He says he does not want me around them. It is almost like I am the OW when it comes to his friends, and his wife when it comes to his family and union social events. Otherwise, he does not want me around. What am I to him? Did he marry me because it was what he should have done because of the kids? And he really wants to be with her. I'm sure she is alot more fun than I am, after all, she does not have the contraints of childrens schedules to contend with.

{{{{{{Sue}}}}}}
FBOW

Thanks

I know it sounds strange to keep checking cell phone logs, records, etc, especially when those things cause pain. Eventually, each time it will hurt less and less.

Hi Sue,

I have noticed that things are seldom as good as we want them to be, but also, they are seldom as bad as we imagine they are.

You have some pretty damming proof, but lets talk a little bit about it. Remember that an A is an addiction. If someone gets hooked on drugs, alcohol, or even tobacco we tend to empathize with them and want to help. Even though we know it was something they started of their own free will. If they have an A we tend to say they are the scum of the earth. ( this is just in general terms, I am not calling anyone anything.)

No, it's not right, and yes, you have a right to be hurt and angry, but here's my point - you are delaying plan B on purpose because things may end if you go to that. It may very well be that your H will respond the way you want him to and dump OW if and when you go to plan B. It may be that he really does love you but he has this addiction. It may be that he will give it all up for you when he realizes what he could loose.

Well, we just don't know. Because you don't dare work on it now, you can't find out right now and you get more hurt and more angry as you go on. I don't know of any way to put your feelings on hold while you finish school, but I wanted you to think about it again.

So, yes he is a real cake eater, yes he has problems, and yes he is hurting you, but what if he does the right thing when you confront?

I don't know what will happen, and I don't want to give false hopes. I am not saying there is anything good about what he is doing. It would be far better for your children if you never had a smoke the rest of your live, but do you sometimes cheat a little there?

I haven't spent as much time on your thread lately, you have gotten lots of replies and comments and so I don't worry about you as much, but I wanted to get you thinking in another direction, the one you have been going in for the last few days won't help you finish school.

I hope when you finally do confront him he is able to walk away without help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SS

HI SS

Thank you. I have been forcing myself to stay focused on school. I only have 2.5 months to go. I have to stay focused. I know, the way I have been the last couple of days is not helping me.

I don't know if confronting will stop things or not. We will see when the time comes. I won't get my hopes up. No point in it.

As far as addictions go, I learned the hard way to run not walk to the nearest exit from people with addictions. I don't need them dragging me into their little h*** hole. (or my kids for that matter). If H was an alcoholic or drug addict, I would have been long gone. I was involved with one of them once. Made my world livng you know what. So, why do I stay with this addiction? I know, I have to get through the next 2 months. I can do it. I know I can.

<small>[ March 15, 2003, 06:42 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>

(((((((Sue))))))) You are a saint woman. I'm amazed at your restraint. Just remember he is the one with issues, not you. One day you'll be able to say I knew all along and face him with all guns blazing.

PS - Have you looked into doing any jacking with the phones? (Forwarding or Blocking)

Do you ever try asking your husband nonchalantly about her number on his bill? You know, play dumb at first?

My H does not know I know about the calls on his cell phone. He hides the bill from from, or at least itemized part. I have yet to find what he does with them.

H tried telling me that he has an account in anohter bank, then he says he doesn't. I know she works at a Credit Union. I wish I could find out if they have a joint account.

Hi Sue, and everyone else.

quote by findingmy wayback:
(((((((Sue))))))) You are a saint woman. I'm amazed at your restraint. Just remember he is the one with issues, not you. One day you'll be able to say I knew all along and face him with all guns blazing.

Yes, she has shown restraint. She hasn't killed him or kicked him out yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Sue, since you know so much, you may want to begin working on him. Hinting, teasing and making him wonder. At least you can have fun with it for a month or so so you don't go crazy. I know you can come up with something, you are the smart one here.

SS

You mean like the two, one right after the other wrong number phone calls, during the middle of the night. I thougth I recognized one of the numbers. The other number did not come up on caller ID. I thought it was very odd that there was one right after the other, and different female voices. The second one was a little too quick in the "sorry wrong number".

H woke up for those, wanted to know why I was on the phone. I told him, two wrong number calls. It bugged him, he commented on it a couple of days later.

Yes,
Mind games. I believe after getting to know you a littel bit that you could be a lot better player at it than he is. Think on it a little bit, perhaps it could give you an outlet for your frustration.

Meanwhile, you are a great person, a smart person and a good help to others. You will do fine no matter what happens, that alone should be a bright spot in your life. You know it's the truth.

I will be gone for a few days, see ya around.

SS

SS is right, you could reak some havoc on them. Most WS's don't want to be caught. She might be trying to get him busted. Keep bringing up these strange phone calls and other inconsistancies very non-chalantly. It will eat away at him, trust me.

Last night when I got home from work, I was tired. Everything is taking its toll on me. I am trying very hard to keep focused. By the end of the day I am tired, but cannot sleep.

I went to bed, H went to bed, then it hit me. I started crying. I tried not to. You know how it is, the harder you try not to cry, the harder it is to cry. So, I left the room. I didn't want him to know I was crying. I have not had a really good cry in a long time. Most of the time, I refocus myself and I stop crying. I suppose after awhile, it does not work.

Anyway, H wanted to know what was wrong. I told him what was causing me to cry last night. It wasn't the A, it was because I believed he did not love me anymore. Now in the morning, I probably should have said I am just tired and frustrated. He would have accepted that. He does not like to dig deeper. Even if he believed it was not the truth, he would not have asked anything else. He didn't say anything. Most guys would have said "I love you honey, I just don't feel comfortable saying it all the time" or "doesn't my actions say I love you" Anything like that. No, he says nothing. Well, to me, that confirms that he does not love me. So, why am I doing Plan A anyway? Why am considering Plan B. Why don't I just go straight to Divorce when I finish shcool and get it over with? Why drag this out any longer?

I gotta go. I'm am in a very poor mood right now. Very negative. I have being negative.

((((((Sue)))))))

I'm so sorry to hear this, your H was not very sympathetic. I worry about your health, you are holding so much in. I don't have the answers, I know that, but I want to help you somehow!!

A WS can make you feel like you are losing your mind. They do things that are insensitive, irrational, and selfish.