Well I wrote the subject line and still hardly belive it myself.But its true ,I guess I am over the initial shock but the pain is still so intense when I think of it.Iknow my M was far from perfect but I couldnt imagine inflicting this much pain on my enemies let alone some one whom Ilove.Well anyway enough self pity.Ineed to tell my story and would appreciate any advice.My W and I have a child centered marriage we have both neglected each others EN.And I admitt that it had eroded to a point I thought she was having or going to have an A because there was no real fire between us and sex was very near non exsistant we are both great parents (to a fault) My jealousy of just about everyone and everything grew.Then about 1 yr into this she decided we should go to conciling I was all for it.After about 3 sessions (thats all are insurance coverd at the time)she decided she didnt want to go any more.She didnt like what the counseler was saying we needed to do as far as making our marriage first and kids 2nd (W admitted this)so with out any break through we went on and of course things didnt improve.At about this time I noticed that when we went out and she had a few drinks she tended to flirt a little.This didnt make my suspicous and jealous state any better because it wasent me she would be attentive to.And when she went out with out me (with her long time friend from out of town)there were a couple times they were out way past any bar being open.And she did admitt to me they had went to a party with total strangers and that it was stupid (my wife is easily swayed espessialy when drinking)Well now I get so bent out of shape every time she goes out or is even a little late coming home from work.Iam totally parinoid and suspsious.Well things continue we are still in love but its that nurturing kind,with little or no intimacy.Then as our kids start getting a littel older G 6 B 3 we both start to see a little improvement we start an outside activity together I go out w her and friend from out of town to see what is girls night out and didnt cramp there style. I thought we were getting on track my jealousy and suspision were even starting to wane Then it happend she was going out with her sister 2nd time in 3 weeks which was strange.but she kissed me on the cheek and said see you in a little while About 130 she wasent home so i called her sister to se if she had made it home yet her husband had just picked her up about 15 min ago and said my W was there talking to this guy from her work (who we both know him and his W and kids) and his brother(he also used to work with her but had moved out of town)I just got this sick feeling well my broter in law said she seemed fine to drive home when he seen her at about 115 but if she didnt come back in 15 min he would go see if she was allright well at 145 he went to look for her.She showed up home at 0200 and I ASKED HER WHERE SHE HAD BEEN.Well she tried to lie she was drunk but i had seen her in worse shape.It took me about 2 hrs to get her to admitt she went with the 2 guys down to their boat and that something could have happend but didnt well the next day I called up OP1 thinking they had tried to seduce her and i was giving him a chance to come clean before i told his wife and much to my disgust he said she propisitioned them and they turned her down. Well when my W came in the room I sprang this on her and I could tell it was her Initiating .She admitted it. Well i disappeared for awhile I did get the story(covertly)verified that they did turn her down she did kiss them both briefly,andthink there was dirty talk and possibly groping.But i know where it would have went if she got her way (she admitted it)SO there it is in all its humiliating,emberresing gross ,painful type of betrayal possible.My questions are How do I get total honesty from her.Did this happen before? She says infaticly no that this incident threw her she didnt know what she was thinking or doing and she was blacking out,her Mom i think has her convinced I conditioned her to do this and this was a cry for help that she knew this guy wouldnt do anything (she was safe) I love her so much but I still feel like she wanted to do this as mabey an exit affair? Or she thought she could have a fantacy fufilled and not get caught She says she wants to work things out we are both seeing ind. concilers and plan MC after But I have been applying Harleys tecniqes and wanting her to also but I cant help but feel her heart isnt in it.Ive printerd out just about the whole website trying to get her to look at the material but she barely even looks at it But still she says she wants it to work I dont know what is even on her mind most of the time Im on anti deppresants and still this whole thing gets to me and i havent been able to tell anyone in my family but all of hers know and think there playing the whole thing down to her.Like most of this is my fault(and i do take half the blame) Im sorry Im just lost If anyone took time to read this book ty any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated .Also sorry so sloppy.and sp is so bad

Hey man,
No apologies necessary!!! Sounds like your wife's drinking is what is getting out of hand there... Would she be more interested in AA rather than Dr.Harley's stuff??? Maybe you should go to a meeting and see how to deal with this. I bet she wouldn't be flirting and doing these inappropriate things so much if alcohol was not in the picture... Do you agree???<p>I'm sorry this is happening to your marriage. It does sound like it can be fixed tho! Don't give up. Don't be codependent either!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Welcome to MB!! You will find a lot of help and support here. Good luck! Consider yourself hugged... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Wow ty for reply And words of encoragement I wish I had found this site 2 weeks ago.I do think your right we have both agreed to stop drinking.I never thought of it as a problem but she thought she might have one.On this I now agree But what I am having a problem with is her unwillingness to step up and say yes i did it I knew what I was doing It wasent the alcohol entirely .I have already told her that the pain isnt going to be any worse.But she needs to be totaly honest with herself as well as me.We spent 300 dollars on a test to see if someone slipped her something(neg)And I had the feeling the whole time she knew better but I must say each week that goes by she is accepting a little more responsibility and yes i hope her conciler dosent get into her being co dependent.I just want to start with the whole unvarnished truth and need her to understand why>

I'm sorry that you have to live through this. But you are and you can't sit still, you both need to reevaluate your lives together. Her drinking and THE LATE NIGHT OUTS MUST END.":NOW" If she can't commit to that then the issues will become unfixable. Your marriage might be to tense and stiff. Take her away and reach out to her. She seems lost and confused and the drinking is moving her away from her family . Shiffting her values, and without those values you are lost. This is not easy for you and the pain that both of you are living through dosn't help this situation. You need to recommit before there is little left to save....

Man!... looks like I am reading a chapter out of my own story. I too have an W that has a problem with going out and partying. There have been many nights that she has rolled in the door at 4,5,6 am. Her excuse is that she was drunk and did not want to drive. Or she says I was with so and so. Like it is ok if she is with a particular person. I feel for you, I know the pain. Unfortunately for me the guys she was after were more than happy to oblige in her wishes. You can make it through this. It sounds like to me like the drinkning and partying needs to come to a screeching halt. I am working on this in my M also. It will not be easy, but only you can determine if she is remorseful and willing to work on it. Hang in there it will get better. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]