Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#416936 08/20/02 10:11 PM
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 439
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 439
Greetings MB'ers. I would first like to say that I have read many of the posts from the last couple of days and my heart goes out to everyone. My problems seem almost petty compared to many, and I respect you for having the strength and courage to hold your own and share your experiences. Once again, here is my 2 cents. My WW continues to say that she is not sure how she feels about me, and shows little remorse for her A's (there were several). I have read that this is a natural response but it doesnt' make it any easier for me (or any BS I would imagine). She even continues to see the OM, though it is not CURRENTLY a PA, it was previously, and is still very much a EA that could very easliy I think become a PA again. I have tried meeting her EN's as best as I can, as she just opened up to me a bit Sunday night about what she needs. I come back to the house (I have moved out for the time) and watch the boys while she works and clean and laundry etc. While I was cleaning today, I found her diary, and yes, I read it. I know it was wrong, but I couldn't help it. In it she says how she wants to work things out with OM, (appearently they had a falling out of sorts) and wants to "hold him close and feel his touch". As I said, she sees him irregularly, but not by her choice. I think that if she had her way she would see him much more often. As it is, she only sees him when he comes into the bar she works in, she also mentions she is depressed because she won't see him as much because he is taking on a second job. By the way, he is married also and is 13 years older than her. She continues to tell me she wants to try and give us a chance, but that she needs to "date" both of us to see where he heart lies. I say KAKA!!!! I have done my best to make as many love deposits as possible while avoiding the LB's, and she is starting to open up to me more, but I can't help feeling that there is really no hope for us. I have avoided educating her as per the site advice (she would hate it anyway) and have avoided excessive confrontations about OM. But it is very painful to think of her with him, even if there is no sex (which I'm not sure of, I have no way to know). Then tonight, while I'm with the boys, she calls and says he is coming over to see her at work!! I am glad she is being honest, but... Should I move to Plan B? Should I tell her she needs to cut off all contact with OM now? Should I accept the fact my marriage is over and start moving on? So many questions I can't even get them all out. When I do see her, she is responsive and we often end up getting intimate, should I cease this? Am I just allowing her to use me/us? I am assuming this is what I've seen referred to as "cake-walking". I know mine is not the most important question(s) of the night, but any advice from anyone would be great help. I have doing Plan A (albeit quite one-sided) since I first arrived at MB's a few weeks ago, should I give it more time? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950
T
Member
Member
T Offline
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 6,950
You should not go to plan B unless your love bank is almost depleted. Is your love bank depleted at the present moment?

Are you in counseling right now?

Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 122
A
Member
Member
A Offline
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 122
Well let me ask you , why did you leave your home?. She needs to be commited to your marriage. Plan A is very important but she needs to break contact with OM. You said he is married and you said this is just another affair for her. If that is true then her affair will not last. You might want to move back in your home. Or maybe let the OM wife know. Think twice before doing that but it might end it. Yet you say she had multiple affairs, that means there are deep issues not resolved yet She needs to commit, break off relationship and see a MC.

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 439
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 439
We are not in counseling right now, I can't talk her into. Couldn't afford it anyway. I gave up a very good paying position because of the hours (60-70 per week) so I could work on marriage, but took a huge paycut, so finances are tight. As for his W, from what I've hear they don't even speak anymore. But I will keep on Plan A for now.

Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 439
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 439
^^


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 273 guests, and 28 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Countfunkula, mollye14, Pansu, sakyt, George Mixflicke
72,372 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,659
Posts2,323,613
Members72,372
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
deneme bonusu
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0