I have been married for almost 19 years and 3 years ago I found out that my husband had had 3 affairs. The last one was the worst, he was ready to leave because he thought this women was the end all say all in his life. He did end up supposedly re-commiting to the marriage and we have or should I say "I" have been trying to work on this marriage, I guess he feels that just because he came back to the marriage thats enough. I have caught him in so many lies about the affair, he will say "I swear to God I didn't talk to her or see her after I recommitted" and then I find out that he lied.
My biggest problem now is that I don't trust him, he is a internet/computer junkie and recently I have found all these porn sites that he goes to and he even down loads porn on to disks. Everything that he has is pass code protectd and when I confront him with it, he tells me that will never change. I have told him how hurtful the porn is to our relationship and he just makes up excuses like it's nothing. I am on the brink of a complete break down, I am severely depressed and I have made him go to a marriage counselor and that was a complete farce on his part, he didn't feel that we even needed to go. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel that he has substituded his affairs for internet porn and who knows what else, I can't get into his computer to even find out if he's having affairs over the internet or if he's hooked up to online dating. I suspect at one time he was. I'm lost and don't know what to do, I do know that I can't go on like this. I'm 54 and don't know at this stage if I can start my life all over again. If someone has some answers that could help me, I would so appreciate it.
