good morning to you too jwolski <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry about that previous message. There was supposed to be more to it but i'm not sure what happened. So how are you this morning?

it's ok--how many double posts have i put on your thread now? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I am having a good morning and planning to have a good day--hope you are too! I'll be around here for awhile (always here all morning lately), so if you want to talk or vent, feel free.

Hi and good afternoon (I am from the UK)

Things are sounding really good for you at the moment. I wish you all the best and hope that things continue to work well.

HJ

Thank you very much HJ--I wish the same for you!

so how are you holding up?

ok-i'm gonna try this again. no bs is ever to blame for an affair-although there are alot of ws that try to blame us. the wanderers make a choice. you can't make the choice for someone to have an affair any more than you can make other choices for anyone.

the blame is all theirs. but we as bs usually, not always, have some culpability in the deterioration of our marriages.

i know this is all new, believe me i live it everyday. you really have alot to learn. we all did. sometimes when us guys and gals who have been around the block a time or two, see you doing something we did or didn't do we strongly try to advise you otherwise. but as i said eirlier, we can't make choices for you either.

glad you are having a good day.

I have a question - what do you get a ws for his birthday? (how about some tar with a side of feathers, or maybe a scarlet A?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Seriously, I don't even feel like getting him anything but think we should go on a 'date' and do some talking without our child around.

Thanks nikko--
I do realize that before the A there were things that I was doing wrong too--this site has really helped me to see them. I didn't even realize a lot of things I was doing (LBing and such) were hurting my H, and he didn't say anything to me. Now I can see the mistakes I made, and I'm working on changing the not-so-good things about me, but he has to do the same if we do work things out. Hopefully he will want to, and I think that if he really wants things to work, I will show him the basic concepts and Q&A on this site so we can both try to go about things the right way this time.

I do appreciate all advice. Take care.

LOL cwfi--
You forgot chastity belt <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .
Seriously tho, I don't know what the best thing in your case might be. I know that my H's b-day is in about 3 weeks and I plan to get him whatever I would normally get him--probably a jacket (he needs it). There will also be a mushy card to go with it but I would not suggest that for everybody, that's just me. We are still intimate, still say i love you all the time, and talk all the time so I think it would be ok for me to do that. Maybe someone with a little more experience with this can give you good advice. Good Luck

Hey jwolski--
I've been holding up pretty good if I do say so myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Things are looking pretty good (for now anyway--still not letting guard down for a second). How are things with you?

Ok--daily update (don't know why I feel the need to do this every day, I just do--sorry if anybody is getting bored with it)
Yesterday was pretty good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Yesterday he told OW that he thought it was best if he stayed away from her for awhile, even as a friend (which is what he said is all they are now)--I hadn't even suggested that to him. Turns out her and her bf got into a big argument about H and her spending so much time together. He feels bad for hurting her, but he agreed when I pointed out to him (very nicely) that she knew what she was getting into. She called me last night for cooking advice, and I let him talk me into lying and saying he wasn't here. Told him I'm not going to lie for him again--that is something he needs to handle. He told me that he wants to work things out bc he can't stand to see me hurting--I told him that isn't good enough (need advice on this one bigtime). As hard as it was to do it, I told him I would only accept him if he really honestly wants to work things out and if we are both going to put forth an effort to make our marriage happy for both of us.
Oh yeah, thanksgiving was brought up again (not by me). He said something about it--if he wasn't going he wanted me to lie to everyone and say he had to work or something. I told him I'm not going to lie, that I will tell them we are having problems but I'm not going to tell them what the problems are. For whatever reason he doesn't want me to tell them anything--that is when I think I made a pretty good point to him. I told him he decided to tell his dad without even saying anything to me, so if, when, and how I tell my family is my decision. He couldn't really argue with that one. I think he's going to go (probably bc I told him it might be a good idea if he doesn't so we can have time away from each other to think). I really don't want to spend the holiday without him, but I'm not pushing him either way.
Anyway guess now I'll just wait and see what happens from here, same as I've been doing. Things look good now, but like a said a couple posts up, I'm not letting my guard down for a second. I do feel like things are headed in the right direction and am keeping the positive attitude for now
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Hope everyone is having a good day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Good morning everybody--hope y'all had a decent weekend. Mine was.....umm.... eventful. OW an her bf showed up unexpectedly sat. night. Am gettin fed up with the whole situation. Had a talk w/ H sat. night. Then sunday OW came over and stayed most of the afternoon. Have been wondering wtf happened to him and her staying away from each other for a while. Anyway, she took him to the store to get a part for the car & they wre gone almost 2hrs. That did it. I told him that I'm tired of being disrespected, that I don't deserve it and am sick of putting up with it. Told him I don't care what they do, i can't stop that, but i don't want HER in my home anymore. Also do not plan on having sex with him for now--am not using this as a weapon, I just can't stand the fact that he is basically getting everything he wants from both of us. Anyway he is trying to work things out with me now, but basically if i don't think he's sincere then it's not going to happen. I know that I probably did everything I wasn't supposed to, but I'm sick and tired of being blatantly disrespected. If he really wants to be with me, then he can put forth a little effort. And if he doesn't, then so be it. I lived without him before and if it comes down to it, I'll just have to again. That's not what I want, but I also don't want a husband with a girlfriend, and I don't want him here for the wrong reasons.
btw, he is going with me for thanksgiving. We both think some time apart might do us some good, but thanksgiving is not the time to do it. He wants to be there for me and no matter what's going on with us, I don't want him to spend the holiday home alone (alhough I'm sure he wouldn't be home alone for all of it, no matter what he says).
So anyway, that's where things stand right now. Basicaly he now knows that if he doesn't go ahead and do something about the situation, he may not have me to fall back on. I love him to death, but I'd rather be alone than to keep putting up with the s**i that I've been putting up with.

Hi

Sorry you did not have such a good w/e. Hope that the week ahead works out better for you. When my h 'committed' to me and came back for the 4 weeks, he was in constant communication with ow. During this time ow managed to convince him that it was not going to work out for us and never would. Therefore he went back to her without any guilt over leaving me again thinking he gave it his best shot. If I had known more about SAA then, I think I would have played it differently and certainly not played it all his way as I did. In my opinion, you need to be strong and for your own self respect, let him know that as much as you love him, he can't play around for ever.
I really hope it works out for you. From your posts, it sounds like you have a strong relationship and he is close to realising what he has with you. He just needs the reminders that plan A gives him. But please, make sure that throughout this, you look after yourself, not just him.
JMHO
HJ

dear lost- ok. now that you made a few uncertain choices,(allowing that woman anywhere near you and your family) its time to be strong and follow saa. get her out of your life. the hell with her bf and what he'll think. get her out of your life, NOW>

THANK Y'ALL SOOOO MUCH!! I really thought everybody was going to tell me I was wrong for doing something that seemed so un-plan A. Oh btw, left something out earlier--yesterday he said, his exact words, "she [OW] wants us to work things out as much as you do" HAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I had a good laugh at that one and told him he was a lot more naive than even I thought (I know, LB, but felt it was a minor one all things considered.
Thank you so much for all the advice and support. Don't know what I would do without y'all and this site!

well, we stayed up half the night talking last night. don't really know how far it ogt us tho. he did ask if it would be better if he didn't see her at all, even as a friend (well DUH).I told him that would make things alot better between us but i can't force him not to see her. he still says he is confused but doesn't see her as an option. he told me again that he feels like things changed between him and me and if we do try to work things out he's afraid that the same thing will just happen again. he said he feels like he missed out on something getting married so young and all. i told him i have had those feelings before too--i had my first child at 18 so i know the feeling-of course i got past it. Anyway now he is at the point where he feels like he doesn't know what to do and is afraid of the consequences of either choice. he's afraid that if we do try to work things out it will ultimately end up the same later on down the road and if we don't he's afraid he'll lose me as a friend and regret everything later. I just don't know how to help him with this, and i'm just feeling worse by the minute. I feel like he has taken mylife away from me, everything i wanted for the future included him and now i feel like a big part of the relationship wasn't even real because he didn't feel the way he kept saying he did.