YOU CAN SURVIVE IT!

I found this website over a year ago. Wife's affair started approx Oct 2000. Jan 4, 2001 was D-Day. The entire year of 2001 was the worst of my life. Found out from cell phone bills I was able to view on line that she didn't know about. Calls started 14 Oct 2000 and continued thru 2001. She also had many unexplained absences, lies about going out with other GFs, coming home late after work, the whole bit.

She never admitted anything. I confronted her and the OM, both denied it. For the longest time I believed her lies then it slowly dawned on me. I found this website, didnt really post but read everything I could. I tried the Plan A/B thing but wasn't strong enough. We kept going around in circles fighting and making up, each fight getting worse. I'm in the military and was going to move July 2002. In early 2002 things started improving. I think she either broke it off or cut way back. We were going to use my forced relocation as a means of splitting up, now I wish we had.

We moved to a different state, 2 days drive from the OM. All of a sudden, cell phone bills start to come in the mail again, how ironic. She had changed the billing address on her cell phone to her sister's address across the country.

The only thing that kept us together is the kids. She had 2 kids when we got married and we have had one (age 12) together. Married for 14 years.

I wanted to catch them together so bad it obsessed me. I followed her with a friend's car a few times and hired a private investigator who followed her a few times but didnt get any evidence. I couldn't afford to keep trying with the PI.

Now it's coming up on 2 years since the A started and Jan 4th 2003 will be 2nd anniversary of D-day. We are still together but only because of the kids. She has never admitted anything but acts very nice towards me now.

I'm very different now that I was a year ago. Last year I was such a wimp, an emotional basket case unable to hardly function. She was running around having a good time and I tried a plan A but couldn't stick to it. Now I am so disgusted at myself for allowing her to have treated me this way. I've got a lot of anger inside and find myself wishing that she would do something like this again. I've been acting like everything is okay but inside it is not. Since we moved in July 2002, I brought it up one time in a way to ask what really happened with OM. I asked her in a nice way that would allow reconcilation. It set off another big fight and another round of denials so I am throughly conviced I will never hear the truth out of this woman.

Just let something like this happen again - SHE WILL FIND HER STUFF THROWN ON THE FREAKIN STREET!!

So the only reason we are still together is for the kids, and I was introduced to the phrase "It's cheaper to keep her" by some friends at work. Meaning avoiding child support, court costs and in my case she would get a chunk of my military retirement pay if we divorced.

I guess what I want to say to all that have just started on this road - HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR YOURSELF!! You don't deserve this, even if you weren't meeting all her "emotional needs". It's no excuse for cheating.

You are absolutely right Mike. There is NO excuse.

You said you should have followed advice the last time you came to this forum. May I respectfully offer one more bit of advice...for you,,,please seek counseling. I do not mean this in any hurtful way at all..I promise,,I only mean I can tell you are still in turmoil over this, still in pain and it's NOT going to go away til you deal with it.

Mike, my H and I have been married 35 years. There are many times in our past we "should have" sought counseling and didn't. He "didn't believe in it", we were short on funds, we talked it over but mostly just swept it under the rug. And you know what Mike? It doesn't go away. Because it is under the rug, does not mean it's gone, resolved. Perhaps if we'd dealt with our problems early on instead of avoiding them, we would have never had the major big one (his emr). In any case, we have worked through that one WITH the help of a counselor.

MIke, you've been married 14 years. You have many years ahead of you and they CAN be good ones. You can build a better, stronger marriage than you ever thought possible. But it's going to take work,,from BOTH of you. Suggest counseling Mike, for BOTH of you. If she won't go,,go yourself. Please,,for you.