Cerri,

I thought that I would address this directly to you and ask for your advice. I made my first post on Marriage Builders just a few days ago, but have been dealing with problems for many years on my own…it’s not working (at least not completely as I would like it to).

For Valentines Day I would like to give my W a certificate for either the Marriage Builders weekend or for counseling. I really cannot afford the money for either of them (but I can’t afford to not) So, I need to choose one or the other. Originally I was going to do the Weekend, but after my post, and the responses I have started questioning if that would be the best thing.

I would probably do the telephone counseling with Dr. Harley, unless I can find someone in my area that is pro-marriage and believes all of the same principles as he does.

Please read my post so that you will know my history… It is in this section and is titled:

Is the Marriage Builders weekend worth going to? First time posting and I need HELP!

(I'm not sure how to put the link in but I'm sure that you will beable to find it)

I was also wondering if there was a mailing list for your newsletter? I would like to sign myself and my W up if there is.

Thanks in advance,
WSD

<small>[ February 12, 2003, 02:50 PM: Message edited by: Wife stll denying... ]</small>

For Valentines Day I would like to give my W a certificate for either the Marriage Builders weekend or for counseling. I really cannot afford the money for either of them (but I can’t afford to not) So, I need to choose one or the other. Originally I was going to do the Weekend, but after my post, and the responses I have started questioning if that would be the best thing.

Why on earth would posters here think that the MB weekend would not be the way to go????? That comes close to being one of the most ludicrous things I've seen!

OTOH, most mc's are not trained or equipped to help you save your marriage. They are trained to help you cope with the break-up. The success rate (saving the marriage and restoring feelings of love) for conventional counselling is somewhere around 20%. In addition, about 25% of people who go for any type of counselling report that they are satisfied with or helped by it. I wouldn't choose that route!

I would probably do the telephone counseling with Dr. Harley, unless I can find someone in my area that is pro-marriage and believes all of the same principles as he does.

You cannot do counseling with Dr. Harley. He no longer takes clients. BUT if you go to the weekend you have unlimited access to him via the private section of the forum, (no add'l cost) AND you can have me for a mentor. (Right now, I think I'm the only one to have completed the coaching class and therefore available to mentor weekend couples, there may be more soon, I don't know.)

Please read my post so that you will know my history… It is in this section and is titled:

Is the Marriage Builders weekend worth going to? First time posting and I need HELP!

Actually, I think I was one of the first respondents to that thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I was also wondering if there was a mailing list for your newsletter? I would like to sign myself and my W up if there is.

Yep, go to my site www.saveyourmarriagecentral.com and you'll see the sign up for it on the home page. Might as well look around while you're there. If you go to the articles page, I have a couple of things you might be interested in.. one is Questions to ask a Counselor or Coach, and the other is Coaching or Therapy? You'll find towards the bottom of the articles page. Let me know if you want the links.

Thanks in advance,

Happy to oblige.... and always tickled to see my name in lights <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

C

Cerri,

Thank you!!! Yes, you did make a post on the other topic, sorry! My head hurts!!!!…it is spinning like so many others who love their spouses!!!!! We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t!!!

I wanted to clear up that NO ONE has ever said to me to not go to the Marriage Builders weekend…It was myself questioning, whether or not, if the counseling would be a better way to go. (I do not have the money for both, and want my marriage and family to work) I know that I will never know unless I try, but my fear is that the weekend will only tell us mostly what we already know. I started thinking that she (my W) may do better with counseling, because of all she is dealing with…my betrayal and her EA/PA. She is dealing with all of that emotional rollercoaster from both sides, just as I am. Again, I want to do what would be the best for us…what we would get the most out of!! I’m tire of hurting and being lied to!!!!!! But, I still love my W....very very much!!!

I know, I know…Plan B…but, I cannot do that to my daughters!!! Just the other night at dinner my youngest daughter mentioned how scared she was a couple of years ago…She referred to when my W was saying that she needed time alone…and I would not let her go. She mentioned that she was scared because she has never seen me cry before!!!!

I probably can threaten my wife that I will leave if it continues, but she hasn’t admitted anything to me, and if I threatened that I would, I better be able to follow through with the threat…which I don’t think that I could!!!!!!

So, If I cant leave…what will hit her on the head!!! Will the MB weekend be enough…will she wake and know what she really has??? Would counseling be better…to have someone directly say to her…”STOP IT!!!…Stop all communications with OM and work on your marriage”

All I know is that I have tried all that I can do…and it hasn’t worked yet!!!!!!

WSD

PS just signed up for the News Letter…I didn’t see it all the way at the bottom…LOL (Yes, I can still laugh…even through the tears!!!!)

Just wanted to mention this, as a FWS, if your wife is denying and is not interested in MB, I had a momentary picture of her stuffing the certificate somewhere unpleasant... I would still do it, but not for Valentines Day!

I know this is a day late and a $ short, but that was my thought...