Hello everyone!
Yesterday was our first visit to the MC and It was not so bad. She first wanted to see us
on separate dates but my husband will be going out of town next week and I really
wanted him to do this before he left . So we decided to do the first session together.
He started out telling her our reasons for being there was because he had an A. He said
he was sorry for the pain he has caused and he wants to save our marriage. I sat there
waiting to here what else he was going to say, but there was not much. You see, Since
D-day he has refused to talk about the A and any question I had or problems I was having
as a result of this, he would not talk about it until we saw a counselor. ( "It was like" he
did not want to talk with out a lawyer present ) Well it was my turn... I told the MC how
much he hurt me how long it was going on and I wanted her to know that he is sitting
here like what he did was not so terrible , but I wanted her to feel my pain and I also
wanted him to finally hear me out. We did not talk too much about the A but more about
his excusses for why he did it. That bothered me because it felt like a lie and a reason to
make what he did excusable. After about two hours we talk about the kids, the house not
being cleaned and how Im not bringing anything to the table, and my son being hard to
deal with. WELL I spent most of the time defending myself. I felt like he's telling her all this
to say Im the problem. However, I was strong and there was not too much more he could
have said or done to hurt me anymore. I let him know , what ever it was that I need to do,
to make him feel happy at home I was willing to do, but I expect the same in return.
During the session the MC thought it would be best that we (1) had separate counselors,
so that there would not be any biased opinions and (2) we should do workshops with
other couples in a discusion. Im not too happy about the seprate counselors and I will talk
to her about that on our net session, but I can't wait for the workshop! I need for us to be
around other couples who are have the same problem. Well, I feel better, and I see some
hope for us.
I was given a book " The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M.Gottman
PH. D ..... Have any of you read this book? I will be picking up "Surviving an Affair" today
after work. During the time my H is away next week I suggested he did not call while he's
away because i need this time to my self and I will be reading my books and starting a
journal. He agreed to it and the MC thought it might be a good idea. What do you think?
