I need help!!! My husband has been having afairs with other women during our entire marriage. He says he wants to stay together and we are about to seek help for our marriage. However, I don't know if he has left these other women alone. I know if I find out he is still lying to me I won't have the strength to continue our marriage. I love him but Im afraid I may have to leave him to spare myself further pain. Please someone talk to me. This is affecting my job, my home and health. I really need someone to talk to. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

MrsBrown, been there done that for the entire almost three years we have been married...in short met on the net, got married in less than 2 months..... he lied before and still is....... affairs the entire time.... My fault here is not taking enough time to know him......and I am relatively sure we would not be married... but now that I am and since this problem of his seems to be an addiction........ for some reasons I feel stem from his childhood.... He has to gete help.. first he has to acknowledge he has issues and wants help.... at this point my hands are tied and I have given it to God........ I pray I dont end up bitter and more resentful and come to really not even like him....... I have done all I can and it seems so small....... how committed are you....... enough to stand the test of time.....??? go with in yourself.....pray and ask God...to help you really. Knowing your answer may not come right away.......else make a decision and be able to live with it.......

MrsBrown, been there done that for the entire almost three years we have been married...in short met on the net, got married in less than 2 months..... he lied before and still is....... affairs the entire time.... My fault here is not taking enough time to know him......and I am relatively sure we would not be married... but now that I am and since this problem of his seems to be an addiction........ for some reasons I feel stem from his childhood.... He has to gete help.. first he has to acknowledge he has issues and wants help.... at this point my hands are tied and I have given it to God........ I pray I dont end up bitter and more resentful and come to really not even like him....... I have done all I can and it seems so small....... how committed are you....... enough to stand the test of time.....??? go with in yourself.....pray and ask God...to help you really. Knowing your answer may not come right away.......else make a decision and be able to live with it.......

I met my husband online also in July 2001 and we married May 2002. I was from Philly and he was from Virginia. He has been in the military for about 16 years and I worked for a University in Philly for 10 years. I was willing to give up everything in Philly for my love of my husband. I packed up and moved to Maryland and stayed home for about 2 months before I found a new job. During this time at home I ran across some email that he had sent when we met online. The same email he sent to me was sent to atleast 3 other women. Since D-day it has been so hard for me to trust him and I think he has an addiction , Im not sure what kind, but his actions prove to me that he is not nomal. I believe he loves me, but Im not sure if he wants to work things out for the sake of our marriage, his reputation and career or if he is buying time til he can figure a way out of the marriage witout causing himself damage. I hate thinking bad things about my husband and I want to trust him, but Im so scared he is gonna hurt me again. So far I have been dealing with this in a respectful way and want to save my marriage , I just need some good advice. I want to thank you so much for sharing
with me. I need someone who really understands. So where do I go from her.

Hello everyone!

Yesterday was our first visit to the MC and It was not so bad. She first wanted to see us
on separate dates but my husband will be going out of town next week and I really
wanted him to do this before he left . So we decided to do the first session together.

He started out telling her our reasons for being there was because he had an A. He said
he was sorry for the pain he has caused and he wants to save our marriage. I sat there
waiting to here what else he was going to say, but there was not much. You see, Since
D-day he has refused to talk about the A and any question I had or problems I was having
as a result of this, he would not talk about it until we saw a counselor. ( "It was like" he
did not want to talk with out a lawyer present ) Well it was my turn... I told the MC how
much he hurt me how long it was going on and I wanted her to know that he is sitting
here like what he did was not so terrible , but I wanted her to feel my pain and I also
wanted him to finally hear me out. We did not talk too much about the A but more about
his excusses for why he did it. That bothered me because it felt like a lie and a reason to
make what he did excusable. After about two hours we talk about the kids, the house not
being cleaned and how Im not bringing anything to the table, and my son being hard to
deal with. WELL I spent most of the time defending myself. I felt like he's telling her all this
to say Im the problem. However, I was strong and there was not too much more he could
have said or done to hurt me anymore. I let him know , what ever it was that I need to do,
to make him feel happy at home I was willing to do, but I expect the same in return.

During the session the MC thought it would be best that we (1) had separate counselors,
so that there would not be any biased opinions and (2) we should do workshops with
other couples in a discusion. Im not too happy about the seprate counselors and I will talk
to her about that on our net session, but I can't wait for the workshop! I need for us to be
around other couples who are have the same problem. Well, I feel better, and I see some
hope for us.

I was given a book " The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John M.Gottman
PH. D ..... Have any of you read this book? I will be picking up "Surviving an Affair" today
after work. During the time my H is away next week I suggested he did not call while he's
away because i need this time to my self and I will be reading my books and starting a
journal. He agreed to it and the MC thought it might be a good idea. What do you think?