Hurt,

When you are ready to send the rest of the story to my email go ahead... I have read the first parts over and over and it boggles my mind how much ours is in common.

I just sent you a email...has numbers in it,,, i Hve been having problems accessing y mail...so I will check at night....

Hurt

Thanks for your thoughts, its always good to know there are people out ther thinking about you.

It amazes (and saddens) me that there are people who have been and are going through very similar situations. It is good to about peoples recovery. I guess my situation is made worse by the fact that my h is a cake eater (and that I allowed it). I hope that cin does not have to go through the pain of that. Did you suffer from that in any way? I really do think that A with former b/f are particularly tough because they know soi much about you and it becomes such a game to them. the ow I am dealing with seems to really enjoy this game we are in which is why I can't wait for h to move out so I can leave the game. That way she can become real to him and I hope I will be a pleasant memory. You never know, if the memory is good enough, he might just really miss me!

Cin

I hope you are doing ok. Just stay strong and believe in your self. Remember, your h does not know what he is doing or saying, he is hurting and wants to lash out. You are an easy target for him. Its not personal and he will regret all his actions at some point in time. Look after yourself and your kids.

lh

how are you two ladies???things ok???

Sorry, I havent responded sooner but I have been on an emotional roller coaster this week. Last Friday I wrote my husband a letter telling him to leave me alone. Sunday night he calls me crying that he had a dream I died. Monday he calls and wants to see me. He and I met and he cried again I finally told him he needed to get it off his chest and he tells me that he loves me, he has always loved me, he didnt even know how it happened, but now he is into something he doesnt know how to get out of. He wants me and he wants our family. I told him he had to cut the contact and move out of the apartment. He didnt have to move home ( i am not ready for that) but he couldnt stay there and he did not need to sleep with her. He said he couldnt sleep with her, that she does nothing for him and basically he sees me. He told me he loved me about 100 times. We agreed to try and work this out, one day at a time.

Tuesday, we spend time together again and it is wonderful. We took a break Wednesday and today we talked seriously...

He said that he loves me and that he has always loved me, but before he can come home he has to find himself. He says that he has never known who he really was.. (we both went from our parents house to ours at 18) He told me that he could make me happy right now, by moving backbut that he wouldnt be happy and he knows that if he does that it would destroy us. He said that he never wants to put me through the hell he has put me through and that when he comes home he wants to be able to be the husband to me that he never was before.

So, Iam not sure what that means... We both need time and we have to find ourselves first, that I get. That was the first truly honest conversation that he and I have had in I dont even remember, I feel a little hurt, but at the same time I also respect him for the honesty.

He also kept reinterating that he is done with her
she does not stay there (her stuff is gone .. I saw that) and that they do communicate every few days. He also told me that he isnt "cating" around and has no intentions of looking for anyone but himself. He said I am still his wife, his baby girl, lover and best friend.

I have always told him to look inside himself and I guess he is finally doing it. The only real problem I have with it is that he doesnt want to see our kids right now, he says that he knows they are dissapointed in him and he just doesnt know how to deal with that. Danny doesnt know it but our councelor is going to call him Monday and ask him if he will come and talk with her one on one, so that she can explain to him what the boys need. I doubt he will go but maybe a non bias person could help there.

At least I know that the love is still there. I am not sure how to handle it.

Im glad you are sounding better. The boys do need him, he is hurtting them more by staying away,does he want to damage his relationship with them for life??? He really does need to talk to someone. I am thinking of you and yall have been in my mind and my prayers....You have my numbers if you need em use em..Ive made some steps forward that were a bit unexpected snd Ill share with you later.

Cim

It all sounds positive in my book, but please take it slowly to protect yourself. If your h is being honest (and I you want to believe he is) then in my books he is doing the right thing by talking time out to find himself. If he can find out what he was lacking that caused it all to happen for him, then you will stand a good chance of a lasting recovery.

I have to compare my situation to yours as it seems to be so similar. When my h missed me and wanted to come back, I immediatly welcomed him with open arms. Each time it failed within a few weeks. This is not because he doesn't love me. I truely believe that he does love me. I think it was because he is going through a mid life crisis (a bit early) and doesn't know what direction his life is going in. He is hurting badly and the ow eases the pain for a while. But he is not living in the real world with her. When he comes back, he is thrown right back into the real world with a bump. Because he doesn't know what is going on in his life, he thinks that the pain of reality will go away if he goes back to ow, so he does and then it all starts again.

I may be over analysing, but I don't think I am far off the mark. Take it easy. Take time for your self and your kids. Descover what you want. Can you go away for a few days? If you do, let your h know thgat you are taking time to work out what you want from life the same way he is. If his A is over, let him worry about what you are doing.

I hope it all goes well for you.

Hurt

How are you?

I am feeling a lot better. I am making plans for a long holiday, just need to consider re-homing my puppy while I am away. I am taking charge of my life again bit by bit, but I still get suckered in daily. Tonight we agreed to start work on sorting out the business accounts. He left me a message to say he was doing supper and when would I be home. I can't remember the last time he did that so I guess I was hoping he was missing me. Well, he wasn't as he has left to go over to ow for a coffee and a chat! I hope he gets a flat soon and moves out.

This is the first time I am not allowing cake eating. But then he doesn't seem to want to. Maybe it really is over for him. Not sure I care, I just want to get away for a while.

lh

Well I am not sure where I am in this "relationship" anymore. Last week was ok, Monday and Tuesday we were together, Thursday we talked and he said that he wanted to "find" himself, he never wanted to do this again, be the husband to me that he should have been 16 years ago, etc. Friday he came by for a few hours, Sunday we got into it.

Sunday, he was being his hateful self and I confronted him in a lie. I told him that we have to completly honest with each other if anything is going to work. He "claims" she is not his lover, yet they still spend time together. I know he is lying and

Sorry I hit the wrong button!!!!

I know he is lying, I can feel it. Last night we spent time together and out of the blue I just got up and said I had to leave. I told him that I cannot do this and as long as she is a part of his life, there is NO way that WE can move forward. I cannot tell him what to do about her, But that right now she is "fun" to him. Going out, movies, shopping, etc. I could offer him love, his family and our home, but that I was raising 4 children on my own right now. I told him that as long as she was in his life that I would be the better woman and step back from this. (my emotions cant take much more).

I even offered him the opportunity to "take back" what he said to me, (he loved me, wanted to work it out) I told him that if he thought that he had spoke before he thought about it I could understand that, or if he had "jumped" the gun. He said that he meant what he said. So at this point, we are in circles. Danny wont give her up, and I cant give into this.

Do I still have contact with him?
Do I let him contact me?

At this point I have said everything I can say to him, including that I love him. But I just cant do this with her in the picture. Our kids think he is crazy, our freinds think he is playing both sides, I think he wants both.

The weird thing is that I dont even feel like crying about it... Its like ok, I have to just try my hardest to move forward with out him.

I know this isnt fun, I know its hard and I know it sucks. I dont have much to offer you and now that you have reached that point of not feeling like you can cry anymore its time to let him know it cant go both ways. Im sorry I know it is one of hte hardest hings you will ever do. Life is more than fun and games and eith children and marriage comes responsibility and in a sense he is nuts...Let him k now its time for you to be the grown up and youve got things to take care of. Get some counseling for yourself. I wish I had a plan for you , I dont, I wish I had answers, I dont, all I can offer you is my support and prayers and a shoulder if you need it. Im here you know how to reach me, you are in my thoughts....

Well I guess he picked up on my weird actions last night. I havent called him all morning and he calls me around 11:00. He was like " I was just wondering if you made it in this morning, I havent heard from you, blah, blah, blah" I just told him that I have been busy. He tried to make conversation, but I just gave him short answers. I wasnt rude or anything. so he tells me to have a very good day and we say bye.

I swear, if I had the right size rock I would hit him over the head with it (haha) and knock some sense in him..... HELLO!!!!! Get RID OF THE CHICK!!!!

I am very frustrated today can you tell?

Hey what is happening with you and yours? Have you finished your last chapter? Email it to me when your able. I have been thinking about you alot..

Been having puter problems but im working on it fast and furious..There have been many things going on most good..If you get a moment og over to sadeyes thread in just found out and give her some encouragement...Shes having a tough time. I sometimes felt like I should write thngs out in crayon for ws...lol...even asked f it would help...he has to cut off sll contact not some ALL!!!!sending you a mail soon..amybe tonight if everyone isnt real needy tonight at home

How do you go to someones thread??? I havent really figured this site out yet.

me either..go to just found out...then look for cheatting whole marriage and her name to side...sadeyess.....

cheating through our entire marriage
thats the subject matter title...iti s in just found out...or you can click on my icon i think its the sunglasses and look at all my posts and find it that way...other than that im clueless.

cmoore u have mail

Well, I AM DONE!!!!!!

I am going to a MAJOR plan B today... I cannot take anymore of his lies and deception. The straw that has broken the camels back happened yesterday.

He called me at 1;45 am to tell me that he had another "dream" about me. Only this time I was stuck in a burning house, he could not see me and was trying to get me out. He said he could hear me screaming. I talked to him for about an hour and went back to bed.

Yesterday morning, I talk to my friend, who is his best freinds wife, she tells me that her husband broke down and called him around 11:00... GUESS WHO ANSWERS THE PHONE???? None other than the gutterslut. Of course he calls her me, she gets mad, and tells him that Danny is at the store.

My husband calls him later at 1:30 am, he tells our friend that he has been on the phone and did not realize what time it was, they talked for 10 minutes, then apparently he called me and tells me this crap about a dream....

I have had it... he is demented... WHAT KIND OF PERSON CALLS YOU AND TELLS YOU THIS?

I have decided that he is sick and he doesnt know what he wants or who he wants to be with. So I CHOOSE ME!!! He is not healthy for me and I cant ride this emotional rollercoaster anymore.

I called him this morning and told him that I want to see him after work today and talk with him, he was all freaked out saying "what, what about, tell me now". Then he says he doesnt know if he can meet me. He knows something is up and I am sure he thinks I am going to go off on him or something... I really am not.... I am telling him NOT to call or contact me until he can decide what he wants to do. Until then I am moving on and it is without him.

I know he will try to get out of seeing me, if he doesnt I will show up at his house and I dont care if she is there or not.

I saw my councelor last night and spoke with her about it, she says he is playing, that he wants to keep me close, he wants me, but doesnt want to be with me and it is time to break contact so that I can jump off this merry go round I am on.

I am sooooooooooo angry at him for lying!!! To lie about me DYING, what kinda sicko does that? HE IS SICK!! It disgusts me that he say that to me. Did he get off on it? Does he want me to die and thats his way of telling me that? Whats up with that?

I just dont want to see him anymore until he gets his head out of his a**.

Strictly my opinions...
Im glad you went to therapy...Good for oyu , you are doing what needs to be done for you....
He is playing a game they all play at one time or another..It feels like he doesnt want you but noone else should have you either...
Breaking contact and holding him to it will open those eyes Im sure...
Im proud you are not laying down and dieing,,,I hate you are going thru this...
As for his telling you that mess who knows...
Sounds like he wants you close when he wants you close...Until he is not able to pick and choose and have you both it wont become reality to him...I had to tell mine he couldnt have it both ways and I wasnt a good sharer (if thats a word)
Write me a email, let me know what else is happening to you ...give him th eletter

bump^

How are you doing? Haven't heard from you. Hope you are okay.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

ms m
I can not speak for cmoore other than keep her in your thoguhts and pprayers she is having so much trouble andthings arent good...