My husband is a professional businessman. We have been married for over forty years ... with what I thought was a good marriage. We both like the same things, have a good time together ... but do have big major differences when it comes to his involvement with many organizations ... and now it seems that he ended up having an affair with a much younger woman in his office. (Thirty years younger ... to be exact.)

My having gotten over the initial shock, disbelief, hurt, resentment, hate and all the other things that come out of a man's confession of his affair ... we have tried to make our life back together again. This all took place over three months ago and much healing on my part has gone on but I still have reoccurring pictures of them together and I have begun to believe that there are somethings that he is trying to change in me ... so that he can be reminded of her. He said I would look better with a tan ... (so I went to a tanning bed ... much against my will). During this process of recovery I lost nearly 25 pounds of weight ... taking my weight down to a mere 115 lbs. All my clothes are falling off of me and he took me out and told me to buy new ones. He says he loves my new looks and said he wished I would stay this way. He fails to see the reason I'm this way ... is simply that I can't even enjoy food anymore and have to make myself eat just to stay alive. But I must admit that I am again turning the heads of men again ... even at my ripe old age ... and for this it makes me feel good and more confident in myself and that even at my age, I can still be attractive! The OW is about 40 lbs heaver than I am at this point. She has been married three times and took on a new lover one week after their final breakup. He said he never loved her but said he did have feelings atraction...whatever that meant" of her or he wouldn't have had sex with her. It was an ongoing thing that lasted about 6 - 7 months and according to him they got together during weekdays once a week for about 1-2 hours. (Sometimes twice a week!) He keeps changing his story. We now don't even discuss what went on for he doesn't want to talk about it and "bringing it up."

Before the A, he was a considerate lover ... now all he wants is his own needs met ... and most of the time it is with the help of Viagra (which some of the times fails his efforts). He use to be a considerate lover and was more than able to meet my needs ... now it's all about him. I just don't know what to think anymore. PLEASE HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON WITH HIM NOW!!!

Is he trying to change me (i.e., my appearance, etc.) to resemble hers? Does he still have feelings for her? He says no ... but how can I believe him after what he did to me? I JUST DON'T HAVE A CLUE OF WHAT IS GOING ON IN HIS MIND AND JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE I EVEN KNOW WHO HE IS ANYMORE??? HELP NEEDED PLEASE!!!!!