Hi Danish,

My thoughts are with you today, where you are going into surgery. I will be praying for you that everything will go o.k. I am so sorry that you have to go through this during the worst crisis of your life, and I know it is really hard to see it right now, but try to think of this time as a gift to you, not a punishment.

The gift is that through all of the pain and sadness, you as a person, are becoming more whole. You are evolving to be someone with a deeper clarity of your own person, deeper and wiser than you have ever been before.

It sucks that one should receive a gift like that in the form that is given, it is not something that one would choose for themselves if given the choice. But believe in the higher meaning of it all and you will see the good that comes with it.

I would come by the hospital today to give you a hug...are you anywhere near Copenhagen?

hugs queen

Hello...

I'm alive - my surgery went well - my son had blood poisoning a few days ago and I was VERY alarmed/worried... but now he's better.
I found out from reading Gingersnap's tread - exciting stuff!!! star* <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ...that some of you were a bit worried where I've been.

I'll keep you updated from now on but now I have to go to bed. It's 01.26 at night here in Denmark.

I love you girls!!!

Danish
Let me be the first to say welcome back,we have worried so about you.

Star started a thread with some prayers for you look for it ok.

How are you besides very tired?
Let us know the latest with WH ok.

I will be looking for you.

I have missed you I could not believe it when I logged in and saw your name I was so excited.

Sorry to hear about S is he doing better?
Take care, look forward to hearing from you soon.

Hi Danish,

Welcome back from me too.

Look forward to hearing how you are coping and doing.

You are in my prayers.

-queen-

Tell us about your surgery. We were all worried about you. Talk about stress!

Glad to have you back in one piece.

I'll say a prayer for your S.

Danish,

I am so relieved to find you back on the board. My prayers have been with you. Yes, we were a bit worried. I would very much like you to send me your email....so let me know if that would be all right with you. I hope all went well with your surgery. I will be around tomorrow....but just got back from my trip and am tired tonight. *hugs*

I'm so glad you are all still here - thank you so much for your prayers.

I'll put together a post tonight or tomorrow about what happened in my life the last few weeks.
Star* - my E-mail address is...
arty@arty.dk

Hello Danish

Just wanted to say hi and let you know that I hope you are doing ok.

I really have missed chating with you.Hope you feel up to posting soon.

Have a great night/day which ever it is in Denmark <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I was so addicted to MB that I needed a break to do a little thinking of my own. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I was feeling relaxed and fairly happy for some weeks. One thing in particular I've noticed is that I like my own (and S's) company and I don't miss being critizised all the time as my WH used to do. I critisized him to much too - I see that now.
But - now I feel abandoned, sad and lonely again - it's kinda creeping in on me slowly that this is how my life will be for a very long time. I was so optimistic in the beginning about WH coming back to me... deep down I couldn't believe he was gone forever - now I realize he probably love this OW and it hurts.

The following will show you how serious WH is about his R with OW:

I visited MIL one afternoon - just too see how she was. She was glad to see me but some of what she said was:
- "Didn't you see it coming?" (I suspect WH told her he's been unhappy in our M for years - as he told me)
- "I understand him - afterall they share interests" (WH & OW = the "spiritual stuff")

WH's family from the states visited Denmark 10 days in august and they went on trips with the entire (inlaw) family - WH, OW and S was attending together. Later in august WH's sister held her 50 birthday and WH and OW was there.
--------------------

Honestly - I don't think any plan would bring my H back - he and OW are very attached. S say she is a very nice person and when I asked him what he felt about her he told me she was his good friend.
I've thought a lot about Plan B for my own sake. If it's going to be then it must be implemented some time before OW leaves Denmark. I don't know if she has got a visa to stay here until december - if she has not, then she'll have to leave in the end of this month.
--------------

WH is finally paying his child support.

I wrote him a letter recently. I told him a month ago that I wanted to talk to him about important issues but he never found the time to talk. I wrote to him that I hoped he realized that S will need him many years from now... that it's importent he shows S that he care... that I don't understand why he never calls S and never tell me to say hello to S for him. I wrote that I hoped he would spend some time alone with S soon as he promised me when he left. OW is always present and S need to see his dad alone from time to time.
In the letter I also told WH that I'm OK but I still don't understand why he is hostile/uncaring towards me.
He didn't respond to my letter but I know he read it because after that he's been nice to me when we talk. He even took S out without OW... he called S and asked how he was... he told me to say hello to S for him - all the things I mentioned in the letter. Maybe he's doing these things because he's afraid I'll go for sole custody if not? I'm happy for S though that his dad is more "visible" in his life now.

Buttom line - it's all "too calm". No angry outbursts on either sides... no argues... no talking... no NOTHING. It kinda feels like we have never known each other... it sure does not feel like we've lived together for 15 years.

- and I don't know what to do to bring WH closer to me.... we're so detached and hope is fading fast.

Sorry for the long post. Never the less I probably forgot something but I'll be back

thinking of you, danish...

it's hard, because affairs take a long time to run their course. plus, your WH has had little in the way of consequences for his A. His family including your MIL, a former OW, seems to be welcoming OW, and your son has accepted her. Which is good in a way, because you don't want your son to feel pain, but it sure makes it easy for WS!

I still think he will encounter problems with her down the road when reality hits. There is bound to be conflict, over money, over having a child etc. His relationship with her may work out or it may not, but it will not be "perfection" I promise you that.

Probably Plan B is best for you to protect you from the pain. Focus on yourself right now, treating yourself tenderly and gently.

It is good that he is paying his child support and good that he is more involved with your son. Your letter to him was excellent! I know that it is probably painful for you to have to deal with him, but it is best for your son to have a caring, involved father. It is tribute to your excellence as a mom that you welcome your son's father's involvement in his life even if it is painful for you.

Hello Ginger and Espoir... thank you.
I'm so very grateful you've followed my situation... you too star*, zorweb, SAB, Queen and others.

Now it's time for me to say goodbye. I need to rise above all the sadness on this board for a while. I've read EVERY post in the infidelity section every day for months now and most of them makes me sad. I find myself unable to give advise to others...
The support here is terrific... thanks again for being here when I needed you.
Zorweb - where are you??? I miss your competent and caring views on things.
Star* - you asked for my e-mail adress... it's in one of my posts if you'd like to write me a letter.

See you later.
Take care! My prayers are with you all.
Love
Danish
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Danish,

You will be missed.

I wish you the best.

I understand your need to get away from this boiling pot of suffering. I've been reading/posting here for over two years and need to get off of it myself. It's addictive.

-AD

<small>[ September 12, 2003, 03:56 PM: Message edited by: AD. ]</small>

Hi again... I couldn't leave after all. I hope you don't mind? I was very confused and didn't see that I could do anything. Now I know that if I send the PlanB letter I did everything possible to save my marriage... I will feel better!

Star* - I recieved your letter and read it. Thank you so much. By a mistake it was deleted (by S)the same day so I never got a chance to respond. I would have written here before but it took me ages to finish my Plan B letter, and I wanted to show it to you in my first post as a kudos to your great support and advice.

It's posted in the GQII section.

{{{{{{{{{Danish}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Glad to see you!

Hello my friend Danish
I have missed you so.
I was so excited when I saw your name on the thread.Please forgive me for not emailing you.I think of you daily.Please post an update so we all know how life is going for you.I am so glad that you are back and hope that you will stick around for a while so that we can all support you during this time.

You are a very special and strong woman.
Hope to hear from you soon.

{{{{{{ SAB & Ginger }}}}}}}
I think of you too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

This is the short news version - and it's way too long cause nothing really happened...

OW got her visa to stay in Denmark until newyear. I guess this is what I wanted if there is any chance of WH and her to come out of the fog and everyday life to set in. Never the less it is very hard for me that she stays another 3 months.

S is beginning to feel less comfortable with the situation. He's bored a lot of the time when he is at his dads place. He tells me that most of the time they watch a lot of movies and tv. He also tells me that OW is nice and she cooks great asian food. WH has always loved asian food - he cooks too - danish, italian, french food.

Anyway - S isn't happy about the visitation schedule we set up. He would like to stay at home more so he can be with his friends. S still sleeps on the couch in the livingroom when he's with dad.

I called WH today to talk about a future schedule and what we'll do when christmas comes.
WH got a little mad at me when I asked him for a new schedule... he also said that S was so selfish and didn't think of what he (WH) needed at all. I told him very politely and calm (even with a smile in my voice) - "well, when I was a teenager I didn't want to be with my parents all the time either. I needed to have friends come over and I remember how we had fun and talked - in my room - where the door could be closed. I guess that is part of how S feels... he need his own private space in your home too. Now he feels like a visitor"
We talked about christmas too. I would love S to be with me every year, but of course it's not realistic. This christmas OW will be with WH and his family. I told WH that I don't want S and her to spend their christmas together... it would not be right. WH said that I must be prepared that maybe she is here next christmas too. I said (BAD - LB - I know it was wrong but I wanted to hurt him): "But it will be different - we will be divorced at that time". He replied "At least another year will have passed".

Well... that's it I think. We don't talk much and I hardly ever see him.
Plan B is a must for me now.

Danish,

I'm trying to control my addiction to the board too. Feel free to contact me.....you too ladies.....starfish4729@hotmail.com. I'll make sure to check out your Plan B letter. Hugs...we've missed you!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> called WH today to talk about a future schedule and what we'll do when christmas comes.
WH got a little mad at me when I asked him for a new schedule... he also said that S was so selfish and didn't think of what he (WH) needed at all. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Anyone, please correct me if I am wrong, but I honestly feel that what WH needs with regards to his son is of little importance when you compare it to what S needs. WH, created the situation, he should live with the consequences of it. Why make it easier on WH? He should have thougth of this first.

Hi Danish
I think what SwH said is right.Who really cares about WH his comment was just one more selfish act.How can he as an adult put himself and his happiness before his childs.Oh please don't answer that we all know the answer.You are doing great w/how you are handling things.Much better than I would be doing.I have found my self lately not being very nice at all.
I am tired of my H going right back into his old habbits,acting the same as before the A.I told him how dangerous this is,he does not believe me.And the worst part is,that he is acting just like before and had the nerve to tell me that I was the to blame for his A.I think not.
And I have pointed this out to him.

Well best of luck keep posting so we know how you and S are doing.

Danish,

I left my comments about your Plan B letter over on GQII. You've always had a mind of your own....so remember that the suggestions I make are only suggestions. Do what YOU must....say what you must say. But I gave you my best input. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />