All,
Editted 8/5/03 @ 3:11 PM EDT
Original Subject - Suicide - I Have a Bottle of Pills - Help

FOR THOSE JUST READING THIS POST FOR THE FIRST TIME - I AM NO LONGER CONTEMPLATING THANKS TO SUPPORTIVE REPLIES, WHICH FOLLOW, FROM THE MB FORUM MEMBERS.
FOR NEW READERS OF THIS POST, YOUR ADVICE STILL APPRECIATED, SO PLEASE READ ON FOR STORY.

Major LBing tonight. It even involved our kids.

I have a bottle of Zoloft in front of me with 20 pills in it and I am staring at it. The pain of ****ing up my M is too much. I don't see a way out.

She told me she filed for the D. She sold her wedding ring to retain her atty. I see no hope of saving anything. After all the pain I have caused her and my F and myself, I'm sitting here wanting to end it all. The world will be better off without me.

TTSMM <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ August 05, 2003, 02:20 PM: Message edited by: tryingTOsaveMYmarriage ]</small>

Look Trying, you have got to calm down and thing about things... you may not realize this but I know I have and I bet a lot of others on these boards as well have thought about how easy it would be to just end it all. I know how bad it hurts and I know how helpless you feel. But killing yourself is not the answer.

Your marriage is not over yet... you have got to read the MB concepts and if you already have then read them again. I don't know your whole story but I don't have to to know the pain and anquish you feel.

You need to give yourself and your wife some time to calm down. If it will help you then post what you are feeling here and let us all help you get through it.

I have to warn you that 20 zolofts is not enough to end it all. You will only end up making yourself sick and ending up in the suicide ward of the hospital, so please take 1 to help you calm down and put the rest away.

It will get better, I promise!!! Even though it seems totally hopeless right now. Please post again and let me know you are OK. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ July 31, 2003, 10:09 PM: Message edited by: One_Day_At_A_Time ]</small>

1day,
I am the WS in this. I have three threads besides this one.

I just came back from dropping off money with my W. That's all I was going to do. She came to the door and I went in. I my grabbed the keys (she changed the locks when she had me removed on a bogus TRO) and told her I was moving back in. I asked her to sist down and let's talk. I cried my eyes out and was very remorseful over my A (5 years ago). She doesn't care. I got down om knees asking/pleading/whatever and she was sorry to see me on my knees.
We tried talking agian and she kept interupting. How can be radically honest when all she does is interupt me?

TTSMM

Your W needs time. Right now, she is angry, very angry.

All you can keep doing is tell her you will do anything to make it work.

Write her a letter, ask her, what can you do to convince her you are serious, that you love her, you know you made a huge mistake. Ask her, what will it take for her to be willing to try and make the marriage work.

How many kids do you have?

What are there ages?

Don't do anything foolish

I know you are the WS as I saw it in your sig. I also know the pain your affair caused your wife because I not only have been there but still am.

I envy your wife because at least you are remorseful for what you have done, my husband is not and continues to live in fogland.

Now knowing how hurt and angry your wife is feeling, I also know that busting your way in the house and grabbing the keys and telling her you are moving back in is the worst possible thing you could do.

Not that I am any expert in saving marriages, cause I sure haven't been able to save my own, but I do know some of what doesn't work and what you did only made things worse.

I am hoping some other seasoned MB members will come soon to help you but until then for what its worth... this is my advice.

Do not contact her for at least a few days. You both need time to calm down. Use this time to read everything you can find on how to implement a good Plan A.

I learned this lesson the hard way, but you can't make anyone change but yourself. And you can't change the way anyone feels but you can change how you react to those feelings.

Take some time to work on you right now. Remember she is still very angry and hurt and trying to force her to do anything is only going to push her farther away.

Things will get better, but you have got to have patience and be willing to use all the MB concepts to help you become a better person and to try to convince your wife that you can be the husband she deserves. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I involved our kids tonight by letting our D know that mommy did not care to save the M anymore, that she was breaking up the F. My W thought that was cruel and it was, AND she has been telling things to our D ("I think you and I will be happier with another man and another daddy in our lives."), this to a seven year old.

Every time she would interupt I saw red. Finally I went upstairs to our bedroom looking for her personal papers and I told her that, she finally grabbed her box, and I reached for it. BIG MISTAKE. She called 911 and the police arrived.

I have blown this M to smithereens. Involed our children in enormous pain. Treated the woman I love with disregard (during the A). I have tried to mend things, but she doesn't care.

With all the pain I have caused, I feel I cannot continue on this way, or any way.

I am checking about the Zoloft overdose, so...... I go out and mix it with another drug.

I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO STOP. I WANT TO RID MYSELF OF THE PAIN AND THESE THOUGHTS

HELP! HELP! HELP! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 02:53 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I hope that Hope4future sees this thread!!!!

Seriously!!! Both her parents committed suicide, and the legacy they leave behind is terrible for the "survivors."

Please don't do this!!!

Know that we care about you and your family, even the WS as well as the BS. It may seem hopeless right now, but it IS NOT!!!

Stay with us, okay???

♥2long

<small>[ July 31, 2003, 10:35 PM: Message edited by: 2long ]</small>

suew/hope,
We have two beautiful children who were crying their eyes out because they thought mommy was going to have me arrested tonight. MORE PAIN I HAVE CAUSED. Their names and ages are Noelle, 7-1/2 and Stefan, 3.

My W hates me writing letters, she feels it means I have no backbone. I feel she rather the face to face or over the phone so she can interupt anytime she feels and get her abusive point across.

Trying... read what I just posted. Do you want to die or do you want to save your marriage?

killing yourself will not solve anything. Do you want your daughter to grow up knowing her father killed himself the night he and mommy had a big fight?

I think a better plan would be to show your daughter and your wife that you are a good man. A man who made a terrible mistake but who is willing to do whatever it takes to make things better.

You need to let your wife go for now. Write her a letter as Sue suggested and tell her how sorry you are that you let your frustrations get out of hand. Tell her that you just love her so much and that you are so sorry for all the pain you caused you both. Then let her have some time to think about things.

Yeah, call 1-800-suicide right now.

I involved our kids tonight by letting our D know that mommy did not care to save the M anymore, that she was breaking up the F. My W thought that was cruel and it was, AND she has been telling things to our D ("I think you and I will be happier with another man and another daddy in our lives."), this to a seven year old.
You both messed up telling them that stuff. You leave the kids out of it, even if she doesn’t.

I feel I cannot continue on this way, or any way.
So you really don’t care about your kids, cause this would hurt them far worse than anything you have done.


I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO STOP. I WANT TO RID MYSELF OF THE PAIN AND THESE THOUGHTS
Stop and take a deep breath (or 100:)). It’s not gonna get better by making it worse.

Take a step back on relax. Don’t try to fix everything in one day.

2long,
I am the WS. The affair was 5 years ago and she suspected. It only lasted 3-4 months. I confessed back in 2001 (a short while after I saw the 2nd plane hit the towers from my office window in NJ).
At one point she wanted to work on it, sort of. Then got into an EA and changed everything. We had an srguemtn on xmas and I walked away and she called thepolice and filed a DV complaint. this past may another arguemtn and she caled the police and got a tro filed against meon a bogus dv. i have been out of hte house ever since. she sadi i grabbe d=her wrist in may and bruised them she has pix. then ointhe witness stand at the tro hearing she said i grabbed her srists that day in may and lied. the judge saw through it and vacatged theorder. i wnet home later that evening and she changed the locks and wne ti tried tio get in sdhe calle dhte police and they saied that if i touch the door they would arrest me.

So i have been out since may4th.

this has been a rough year and i haven't ....
i lost my dad aug 28, 2002, my uncle in feb 2003, my mom on mar 21 (1 day before her 72nd bday), my M is over and I turn 40 on sat.
THISIS NOT HOW I WantE MYLIFE TO BE.

I'm quite the newbie here, but this is scary stuff and I feel like I must say something. Perhaps the moderaters of this forum could trace the IP address of TTSMM and contact his ISP and send someone out to ensure TTSMM is not going to do anything to harm himself.

I am very worried about him.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 02:54 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I'M not TRYING TO FIX IT ALL in one day. i have been trying fo rthe past 20 months.

this past week i cry when i get in the car and go to my friend's house wher ei am staying. I cry when i here music. i am jusrt falling aprt.

my mom passed away in march. i had to clean up her apartment of all her stuff, rec'd little help, my brother in CAL. I foudna small bag thsat contained what was in my mom's pockets when she was admittd tothe hosp. i haven't had a chance to grieve for my mom or dad or....
my w had arguemnet swith me on both days of both funerals. she didn't attend either one. she chased me down ionthe baemnet when i tried to get aeway from her.

Trying,

Don't do this to Noelle and Stefan. If you commit suicide you are hurting them more. Things look bad now.

Lets look at this from the worst case it could be. Your W divorces you, she meets someone else. You are still their DADDY, you will have visitation, you cannot be replaced. If you DIE, you will not be there for Noelle to tell you about her first crush, date, prom, graduation, driving.

How about Stefan, who will help him learn to ride a bike, throw ball with, there is his first car, girls, dates, prom, graduation. Even if you divorce, you will still be part of their lives, and they will want to share it with you.

They cannot if you are not there.

Your W may calm down. Give her time, then approach her. If she gets upset, let her. Calmy tell her you understand her anger. Reassure her, you are remorseful.

Are you in counseling? If not, get into in NOW.

Call you local crisis line.

Stay with us. Do not leave. We want to hear how it is going, the good and the bad. Even in the worst case scenario, it will get better.

Trying,

It has been 20 months, but you just recently found out about MB. Give it a try. A real try.

If she is not willing to listen, back off. You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink it.

When she is not receptive to listening to you, back off and say okay. You dont' want to hear me. Do not be angry about this.

Get into counseling. NOW. Suggest to your W that the kids need counseling too. After all, this is not easy for them too. They are not too young.

i'm in counseling now, just ogo t a new one. he's i don;t know...

w ewere in counseling toghether two years ago and c]=she kept interuprtitng anfd being arguemtnsative and the counselor sid he didnp;t want ous to be in the asmae room tighether and woudl counsel us separetly. hes has soiad that i have grown and she hasn't. i really don't trust vcounsleors any mor. i believe they say whatever they need to to retain a client. he was telling mme things about her problems and thetn when heer and i woudl get into an arguemtn she would would tell me how he was on her side and knew how screwed up i was. same with atty's. same with alot of people, neoghboprs, etc... many people tell you what they think you wnat ot here, they are very quick to take your side and then with the other person alone, take theior side.
like her F. they told her the l;ast year that she should give me a chance because hse saw the change in me, and i was trying. then after the tro they won't even tak to me and said it's over get it. this is froima family that doesn't give a damn about anyone in the F, now they are by her side.,

she tells me tonight that i should hav tried harder to get our=t of my job (he OW is still ther - she came back after leveing for fivce months). she thinks i am still sleeping with her. with the econmy how it si, it's been inpossible to find a job with the same income. we will lose the hosue anywya. i keep completely away from her (OW) andtoday she handed me a phone numbre from my boss, aftwerwards i told her i didn;pt want to have anything to do with her, i didn't care who handed hre the number, she could get it to me thourgh somenone else. i told that becasue of wht we diid my M is over and that i don;t ../\

i have been doing so much reading ove tr hte past few weeks./ months. i am almost finsihed with SAA, i have hnhn, i finshed reading ht book og=f gensis (bible) took 9 weeks.

i just feel nothing i do is working.

i have been on this site for almost 2 months and have dome tons of reading here as well as posting myself.

I TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY HAVING THE AFFAIR. I TAKE 50% RESPONSIBLITY FOR THE STATE OF THE MARRIAGE THAT PROVIDED ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO SCREW UP LIKE THIS.

She says she can't have a camera on me while I am at work. well accoring to SAA, something about being in constatn communcaiton, i'm willing ot do that, call every hour, etc. she doesn't wnat that. when i tried to find the section in book takling about tat is when she kept interupting.