I remember seeing a post or something listing the signs of an affair. Was that at this website? Does anyone know?

I missed that post. But from my experience, here are some:

Sudden time away from home with an explanation
Coldness, lack of sexual desire
Any of the following phrases: I love you, but am not in love with you, I need to find myself, I need space, he/she is my soulmate, we are just friends, I never loved you, this is all your fault, I'm no good for you - you deserve better.

Someone else can continue on.

Here is one list that was on another site. Take it for what it is worth, and with a grain or two of salt.


(1) A sudden change in manner of dress and grooming.

(2) Secretiveness.

(3) Unexplained absences.

(4) Unfamiliar charges on credit card or phone bills.

(5) Hang-ups on your home phone.

(6) More business trips than usual.

(7) Stops confiding in you or asking your advice.

(8) Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you.

(9) Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either knew about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible partner you are.)

(10) Refuses to let you drive along to the airport when leaving town.

(11) Carries condoms (diaphrams)even though you might already be using birth control or are supposedly trying to get pregnant as a couple.

(12) Deletes incoming phone numbers from caller ID.

(13) Leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Speedstick or Secret.

(14) Becomes accusatory, asking if you are being faithful, usually out of guilt.

(15) Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

(16) Buys new underwear.

(17) Insists that the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of the car.

(1 Stops wearing the wedding ring.

(19) Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

(20) Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

(21) Has unexplained scratches or bruises on neck, back or legs/thighs.

(22) Has a sudden desire to be more helpful with the laundry.

(23) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

(24) Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

(25) Has a sudden preoccupation with appearance.

(26) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

(27) Works long hours on weekends, but is never at the desk to answer the phone. Then calls back later with a reason, such as, "I was working in the conference room where there is more space."

(28) Has lots of "emergency errands." Then comes home empty-handed, saying, "They didn't have what I needed."

(29) And the tell tale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask the question in the first place. Listen to your gut!

Also sudden change of interests. My H always liked jazz and rock music. Suddenly loved country music. That is what OW likes.

Believer -

Your first post on this thread made me laugh so hard! "Or any of the following . . . "

It is either laugh or cry, sister, and I have heard all of those things in the last 8 weeks!

That is truly amazing. It is an addiction, a disease.

Love, Amy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

amy-
Kinda sad, but as you read the information here, they all say the same things. It is actually funny. They think this is a once in a lifetime thing, but they are just following the script.

Believer -

We have kinda hi-jacked here, but oh well.

I have not met you, but I have a mental picture of you (with a flat butt from your post to someone this morning that made me laugh, too), with all you have gone through with this crazy WH of yours, hearing him spew this stuff at you with probably a very sincere and heartfelt look on his face, and you just looking back at him with a look on your face that screams dumb**s.

How you can even tolerate listening to him is amazing to me. You must either be a very patient person by nature, or grown tremendously during this ordeal. You are a saint. Your WH has no clue the type of woman he married, and it truly is his loss.

I don't know about the D thing yet. I would say definately legally separate to protect the money aspect you have talked about. But you have come this far, I think you should stick it out to the end. Of course, that is easy for me to say over here in Idaho, not having to deal with your crazy man. But . . . I understand your hesitancy both ways. I will pray that your answer becomes clear to you, and that it feels right in your heart.

Love, Amy