Well, Friday didn't go so well. We rented Lion King 1/2 and WW brought pizza home. After the movie was over she went to the barn to check on her horse. When she got back. She got on the computer and was on the phone at the same time with her best friend.

Kids were in bed, and I patiently waited for her to get off the phone so I could try to have some quality time with her. She was on the phone from 9pm till past 11pm. That's when I went to bed, so don't really know when she got off the phone. Woke up around 12:30am when DD(3) woke up and climbed into bed with me. Went to check on WW and she was still online, but not on the phone, and she was chatting with OM. Went back to bed.

WW came to bed around 1:15am, and I asked her if I had backed off enough for her comfort, and she said yes. This morning before I left for work, I always say bye and give her a hug and a kiss. She seemed pretty friendly.

New suspicions though. Been thinking about how things are going and the fact that she's trying to refinance her car and thinking about cashing in her 401k. She says she's planning for both possible outcomes.

However, I'm thinking that's not necessarily the case. I think, she knows she can't make it on her own without my help. Because of this, I think is why she's not making a choice to actively work on this or not. Regardless of my suspicions, I'm going to continue with my present course. I'm going to make mental notes of every evening and how they are spent. I will bring all of this up in counseling on Wednesday.

Going to see Scooby Doo 2 this afternoon when I get off work. It'll be another evening where she and I can have some quality time. We'll see if she tries. Today is DD(12)'s B-Day. She's not real excited. Her knowing everything that is going on is weighing heavily on her. She has her own counseling on the 15th.

WW is very intelligent. I'm almost 100% sure she's maintaining her abivalence to trying or not so that she can actually move out on her own. I believe she has no intention of ever trying to work on our relationship. Counselor said we need to do fun things together. WW doesn't want to do anything with me unless the kids are present.

Don't know if I'll have time to post tomorrow or not, it's going to be a busy day. I'll definitely post on Monday.

went thru this several years ago, and it was the worst 8 months of my life. All you can do is keep your head up and keep on going, of course it took my wife from going to an EA with a guy in NC (then she supposedly wanted too reconcile), then to a PA(3 years later) with a guy at her work, to make her realize how lucky she is..... or so shes says.

Just trying to give you hope my friend, even though right now there is so little too be had.Go to your DR and ask about AD's I waited almost a month before i did and man do they help.

My wife was the same way, cold, aloof and the kicker was i worked overnights so she had all the time in the world to chat and then have phone conversations, she even was going out there to see the guy. I can almost guarantee your wife will try and go see him or he come to her. thats why she wants to move out, so she doesnt fel guilty about it. my wife kicked me out of our house, then because the friend i had was single she didnt like me staying there, so she asked to stay at her mothers house, boy i was so much in love with her that i did things that people would swear theyd leave their spouse before doing anything for a cheating spouse. but for love,you and I my friend would do anything.

Just had my ten year anniversary, so like i said keep your chin up! she might not stop the EA till its a PA and the guy dumps her, (and he will once he gets the PA done) then she'll really be wondering what went wrong.be there, be strong , act like you dont have a care in the world even if your heart feels like its about too bust(and it wil be hell) just dont do like i did and get stupid. I ate a bottle of sleeping pills over it.

my prayers are with you.
cliff

Thanks for the support Cliff.

Well Friday night was pretty much a bust. WW feel asleep on the couch with DD(3). After the movie was over, she woke up and went to the barn to check on her horse. When she got back, straight to the computer. It was a tense night.

Saturday, she was out with the girls all day. When I got home from work I took DD(12) to see Scooby Doo 2 for her BDay. WW opted to stay home with DD(3) because she hadn't had a nap. WW did do somethings like make dinner. But I'm sure she did a lot of chatting too. She feel asleep on the couch, and I managed to get her to come to bed with me around 10pm or so.

Sunday, went to the barn with her to care for her horse. It was nice, stress free, and we did ok conversation wise. After we got home, she messed around with some digital pictures until it was time to go to DD(12)'s indoor pool party. This place is awesome. Gym, weights, aerobics, exercise equipment, and the pool w/hot tub. There's a 2 story slide, and the kiddie pool has a slide as well. DD(3) did NOT want to go home after playing for 2 hours. She cried all the way out the door and for about 10 minutes after that she fell asleep.

WW let me help with dinner. It was ok, but I only thing she let me help because the counselor suggested we make dinner together. After dinner, I finished giving DD(3) a bath, and WW got on computer. Know for sure she chatted with OM. Also saw a message from him on the art website they both visit. It was like half a page of stuff. I asked what he had to say. She told me something that might have taken a paragraph. I asked what else he had to say, and she said not much. I commented wow, a half page of nothing, yeah, right.

At one point I was in the kitchen and tripped over a stool and she thought I was pissed she was chatting with him and slamming things around. When I got back into the living room. She said, I know it pisses you off when I'm chatting so I signed off.

Well at this point, I needed her to know I wasn't pissed per say, and this is where the double edged sword hit. She got back on chat. I stayed up prolly till about 11pm and went to bed. She came to bed about 1145pm.

It's very difficult to try and be pleasant all the time like there's nothing wrong. It's very difficult to show affection, and express my love when it's not returned.

I really feel at this point, that she's waiting for something. And I think that is her moving out. I'm not sure why she won't admit she's already made her decision, but she still completely avoids spending any quality time with me without distraction.

I talked with her Mom yesterday while she was out riding before dinner. Made sure MIL knew the whole truth. MIL is very upset over the whole situation, and feels somewhat responsible due to her failed relationships that WW grew up with. All in all, MIL is on my side and thinks that WW is being selfish and self centered. She also feels there is nothing she can do.

Surprise, surprise. While having a smoke with WW on the porch last night, WW mentioned MIL told her that she shouldn't be so mean to me. I guess WW did a lot of thinking on that, and realized she's been quite cruel, and she said,"I apologize."

MIL is concerned about WW's moral and ethical choices. As am I. She's already admitted to me of feeling no remorse for her PA 2 years ago. I'm beginning to think maybe I need to just let her go, for the children's sake.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the next month. DD(12) doesn't want me to give up, and for my family's sake, I'd like to work things out. At this point, I'm afraid by the end of the month, her LB withdrawels are going to reach zero.

Maybe that's what she's doing. Giving me a chance to stop loving her before she leaves. Maybe she's expecting me to give up. Maybe she thinks I'll give up because she already has. I just know one thing, I'm still madly in love with her, and this whole situation hurts, not just me, but the kids too.

We have our Monday lunch date today. So far, I've been able to avoid conversations involving our relationship. I think I'm starting to get the hang of it.

Counseling is on Wednesday, and I'm hoping to make it there without any LB's. Since we were going to see Hellboy last Friday night for our date, and stayed home instead, she wants to make that our date this week. Personally, I don't think going to a movie counts as a quality time date.

I live between 2 small towns, but I'm associated with the one north of where I live. There is a little fitness center for about $40 a month. Not, the best thing in the world, but it's just up the street from DD(3)'s daycare. I thought it would be real convienent for me. After the BDay party yesterday, I discovered that place has family membership for about $35 a month. It's 15 minutes north of daycare, but I think I could manage. Just not entirely sure I want to do that with WW. She would still have access after she moves out. But, she'd be able to take the kids there on the days she has them.

Anyway, going to wait for WW to call me and let me know when to pick her up for lunch. I'll post tomorrow on today's events.

I'm holding strong, and thank you all for your support. I can't possibly express how important it has been for me.

Had lunch with WW yesterday. Asked to see how her budget was looking for her moving out of the house at the end of the month for 6 month seperation.

I can now understand some of her desperation. After seeing her budget, after she paid all bills, she had $157 left over for the entire month for gas/groceries/necessities. That's not going to work.

I suggested another alternative. I explained my number 1 concern right now is the kids. I said the situation with her best friend and her ex husband might appear to be working with their kids, but I believe they will suffer some serious long term ramifications. I don't want to shuffle my kids back and forth every couple of days. All the doctors say, kids need a stable home life. My secondary concern was the lengths WW is willing to go to move out. She applied for refinancing on her car, but was denied. She talked about filing personal bankruptcy, which I said was a bad idea if we decided to stay together, it would be over both our heads. She even mentioned cashing in her 401k, not sure what good that would do after all the penalties were applied. Then I suggested we do an in house seperation. I'll move all my stuff to a downstairs bedroom. TV/VCR/Satty RCV'er, and I have a place to be when WW purposely gets online and chats with OM.

My first goal was to prevent her from moving out of the house. My second goal is to get her to agree with NC with OM. I know there's not much I can do to get this. It's a decision she's going to have to make. Our counselor already told her last Thursday, that if she intends to work on our relationship, OM has to go. She wasn't willing to make that decision last week. Personally, I'm going to work on that issue while in counseling with the counselor. I think this will be the hardest battle of all. We won't be able to start working on reconcilling until OM's gone, and counselor told her as much. I expect tomorrow night's counseling and future counselings to focus on having to give up OM to make this work.

I just don't know if she can do it, or wants to do it.

After dinner, ended up laying on bed with WW and talking. She allowed me to rub her back and legs. I guess I relaxed her so much she fell asleep. She woke up around 9:30pm and got online, and I went to bed. DD(3) woke me up when she crawled in bed around 12:30am. WW was still on the computer, but not chatting. Told her DD(3) was in bed, and asked her if she was coming to bed soon. She said in a bit, her little nap left her wide awake. She came to bed around 1:20 or so. Don't know what she was doing online before she came to bed, but she was feeling "in the mood". Pleasant surprise. I wonder how tonight will go. Going to try avoiding even calling her at work today, going to see if she notices and calls me.

Talk to you all tomorrow, and take care.

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 08:09 AM: Message edited by: RWukovich ]</small>

Well, holding out on calling her yesterday paid off. She eventually called me. Made some small talk, and talked about dinner.

She left work late, like 20 minutes late. She says she was still working on her story. She's a journalist for the local newspaper. We made dinner together when she got home. After dinner she went to the barn to ride her horse. She didn't get home from the barn until about 9pm, and immediately got online. I went to bed.

Counseling today should be interesting. I think a major focus will be about OM again. I'm pretty sure the counselor and I both believe there won't be any forward progression with our marriage until WW gives up OM.

On a side note, I have the downstairs room just about empty. It's almost ready for human habitation. I'll write more later.

Counseling was very interesting. The session started off by asking how things were since last session. WW started off by saying she felt things were good. She told the counselor due to financial constraints we were going to try in house seperation. Counselor asked where she stood on the OM issue. WW says they decided to just be friends because he's working on his marriage and she's working on her marriage.

I started by saying she turned our date night into a stay at home and have pizza and a movie night with the kids. I added, that she fell asleep during the movie, and woke up when the movie ended. She then went to the barn, and when she got home, straight onto the computer. I also pointed out she was online for 3 other nights as well. I also said I was uncomfortable with OM still being in the picture.

After bringing all this up, discussion between WW and I began heating up. She indicated she was punishing me for the last 4 years. The counselor seperated us at this point, and talked to WW first. Not entirely sure what all they talked about, but WW said the counselor thinks she's Aggressive Passive, meaning, all the negative feelings she has are directed at me by her being mean to me. Saying hurtful things, behaviour, etc.

The counselor told me she would prefer us to have a physical seperation vs in house seperation because of the severity of the negative feelings we have toward the situation. I explained we just don't make enough money to support 2 seperate households. Counselor advised with an in house seperation, bounderies need to be established, and strictly adhered to. She also mentioned we are to stick to our Monday Lunch date, weeknight date, and Sunday family day. WW and I have been making dinner together, which gives us interaction and has us working together as a team.

The counselor further explained we need time to get over our negative feelings and start healing, and that's why we only have 3 days of interaction. As time progresses and WW and I get more into a healing phase, she'll increase the amount of time we spend together. The important thing, is I need to give WW as much space as I can. So, aside from dinner, I'll be spending much time in my room downstairs when we're home together, and I'm going to have to work on coping with her being online chatting with whoever.

After reflecting on all this, I came to the conclusion this will have 2 outcomes. The first being we develop good feelings for each other and live happily ever after. The second being I will be able to grow away from her, and won't have any problems divorcing her.

This is interesting, WW doesn't want me to tell her I love her anymore, because it makes her uncomfortable. But it's ok if we still hug and kiss. This is even more funny, sex is still an option, because she acknowledges she still has needs as do I.

Time to order my new satty receiver for my room.

Talk more later.

Last night was ok. WW came home to change clothes and then went to the barn to ride her horse. I made dinner for me and the girls. Got the kids ready for bed, and WW came home around 8pm. She laid down on the couch to watch CSI. I sat down to watch with her since I don't get tv in my room until Monday. She fell asleep by 8:40 and then her best friend called, talked to her for a few minutes, then handed the phone to WW. WW complained about the crappy connection and best friend was supposed to call back.

At this point I decided to just go to bed. She got online after I went downstairs, but she was in bed by 11:30pm. I know this because my room is under her room, and I could hear her walking around. I went upstairs to see if she was still awake, she was, but wasn't interested in talking or anything, so I went back to bed. I guess I'm going to have to quit doing that. I think aside from dinner, once the kids are settled, I just need to go to my room.

We're going to a 5:45 showing of The Secret Window tonight. Has Johnny Dep in it. She likes Johnny Dep. Supposedly going for drinks afterwards. Here's to hoping for a good night.

The counselor classified her as Passive Aggressive, and I think she's having a hard time wrapping herself around that.

RW,

I just wanted to respond to your many posts. This is my first post. It's been therapeutic for me to read here. Hang in there. My situation is different, but I see many similarities and feelings that I have that parallel your thread. I haven't posted my situation yet, but may do so seeing how much it has helped you. God Bless!

RecoveringH

Thanks for your support. I'll tell you, it's no walk in the park. I get mixed feelings from her all the time. I'm to the point now, where if she wants space, I'm going to give her all the space she wants. I'm not going to hug her, kiss her, tell her goodnight, or tell her goodbye when I leave for work in the morning.

It's like she thinks I'm supposed to know what she expects, but I have no indication what's acceptable anymore. I have no choice but to go from one extreme to the other. I hate to do that. Especially with the mixed signals I'm getting from her.

I wish you luck with your situation, and hope you have more patience than I. I have no idea how I'm going to get through the next 6 months.

Had our date last night. Started off by going to a restaurant, and having drinks and talking. Unfortunately we talked about us. One of the topics we're supposed to avoid. We've got 2 different perspectives. I'm making changes to my life that I feel make me a better father and husband with the prospects she finds the changes more attractive. Her perspective is to discover if she can be happy being married to me. She also further explained why she doesn't want me to stop hugging and kissing her. She sometimes needs it.

I'm thinking at this point based on my previous post, and the information revealed in this one, that I'll follow my current game plan. If we had a physical seperation, there would be no good bye kisses in the morning, and no good night kisses. Obviously, the only hugs would be when we saw each other. I'm not sure an in house seperation should be treated differently. I think, I should refrain from those things, unless it's during the agreed upon times we're supposed to be doing things.

Aside from that, I'm not sure I want to stop trying to fill as many EN's as she'll allow me to. I'm afraid by doing the above, I'll be cutting off my own EN's. This morning I actually debated with myself kissing her bye this morning. I decided to kiss her bye. I'm really leaning to cutting it all out completely, and just try moving on with my life. I refuse to put my life on hold for 6 months while she tries to decide if she can be happy staying married to me.

The counselor's strategy for working out our problems is very different from SH's. I'm very unqualified to determine if one is better than the other. Our counselor is pro marriage, so I guess I'm going to have to give her some trust, and hope for the best.

Back to the date. After the restaurant, we went and saw The Secret Window with Johnny Dep. Good movie. I made a point of not trying to hold her hand or put my hand on her leg. She grabbed my hand and I ended up holding her hand for awhile and ended up with my hand just resting on her thigh. All in all, not a bad night, not a great night, but not bad.

She's going to a wiccan homebrewing party tonight. Can't imagine she'll come looking for me when she gets home. As a matter of fact, I'd be surprised if she did. She was mad at me for coming up to her room night before last to see if she was interested in sex. I'm not even going to try anymore. Just going to give her all the space she thinks she wants/needs. It's going to be a long 6 months.

<small>[ April 10, 2004, 07:27 AM: Message edited by: RWukovich ]</small>

Well, Saturday night just sucked. Saturday morning I called WW from work, and told her I was stopping by a friends house after work. WW said she needed to leave by 6:30pm and I said, ok, I'll be there. Then she said, don't worry about it cuz DD(12) can watch DD(3) for a little bit until I get there.

Well, I got home about 7pm, and she was PISSED. Appearantly, DD(3) has a cold, which has led to an ear infection, and WW decided not to leave DD(3) home with DD(12) because DD(12) doesn't have much patience to begin with.

WW came home around 11pm and I was in my room with the door open watching The Crow. Invited her in, and she seemed to be in pleasant spirits, not mad at all anymore. Women, I just don't understand them.

Was talking to my mom on the phone, and the cordless started beeping because the battery was low. I thought that was odd, and asked DD(12) about it. She said WW was on the phone with someone, but WW told her it was a friend. Called WW's best friend, and asked if she talked to WW today. She hadn't. I knew at this point, she was talking to OM from house phone again. WW's best friend got pissed off at me for using her to check up on WW. Anyway, I promised I wouldn't confront WW when she got home and asked her not to say anything to WW. Well, she agreed, and then turned around today and told her all about the phone call. WW seems to have handled it better than I thought, and I asked why she called OM from home phone, when I had asked her not to. She said, I asked her not to talk to OM on home phone while I was at home. I figured at this point was stupid to get into semantics, and I let it go. Told DD(12) last night I didn't want her to feed my any more info. Just makes it harder for me to deal with the situation as it is, without her building my anxiety for me. Guess it didn't help to much, she started feeding me more info today. Told her again to stop it.

Back to last night, went upstairs with WW to talk more. Decided it was time to go back to bed, and kissed her good night. Kiss turned passionate, and one thing led to another. Appearantly she was "in the mood".

She did however make a comment, that made me uncomfortable, but I let it go. She said, I might as well be a stranger off the street. Kinda hurt my feelings, but I understand her position in all this.

Easter morning, we did the Easter thing with the kids. It's supposed to be our family day, and she tells me WW and DD(12) are going to see Ella Enchanted. I got a little defensive at this point. The way I understood it, family day is the day where we all TOGETHER do something.

I ended up taking DD(3) to get McDonalds and we ate in the park. Brought her home and put her down for a nap, and cleaned the house up. Noticed WW's best friend's number on the caller ID of the phone. DD(12) started telling me all about how WW's best friend told her about my phone call last night. Guess I need to stop talking to WW's best friend. Had to remind DD(12) to quit feeding my info that makes it harder to cope with this situation. Made WW aware what DD(12) is doing, and WW made the comment that she felt she was sabotaging us.

Moved my computer down into my room. Funny thing is I'm chatting with WW online. It's kinda weird, I'm out of sight out of mind, but she's still willing to chat with me.

Well, need to get to bed, have a very busy day tomorrow. Taking WW out to lunch with the kids, then have to take DD(3) to the doctor for her cold and ear ache. Then, I have to be home by 3pm for my satty tv receiver installation. I'll post more tomorrow night.

rw

excuse me but it almost seems as if you are enjoying this drama. Otherwise why would you continue to allow her to talk to OM? Why havent you called him yourself or exposed this EA to his wife? I have seen others posting here who asked these questions and you didnt answer, you just continue typing about your lifes drama. Could this be your addiction? If so I dont see her ever changing ..you allow this to go on and on. You dont do antyhing to force her hand. What can you expect if you allow her to do what she wants? She is in the fog and thinks this man is the answer to all lifes problems..

Take it from me a FWW, the only way to get her to wake up is to get tough.. Expose this affair and call the OM yourself.. Whats stopping you?

good luck
c_p

RW,
I feel for you, and can only imagine the pain you're dealing with. One thing worries me from your last post... you said: "She did however make a comment, that made me uncomfortable, but I let it go. She said, I might as well be a stranger off the street. Kinda hurt my feelings, but I understand her position in all this."
Man, please don't fall into "understanding her position" as it is fabricated, surely only to be understood by her. Her position is her self-made trap.
Hang in there, and keep at it. No matter how the situation resolves (i.e., what choice she makes), you will surely come out better off than you have been for a while. I just hope she chooses to restore trust and resume/restart your life from where it went off track. Only you can see your whole situation and make your choices.
Hoping you feel the sun on your face soon...

Craving_peace:

First of all, I'm far from enjoying this drama. I've lost 30 pounds, and have to take my DD(12) to a psyhcologist. Secondly, I can't MAKE WW do anything. Thirdly, I have no way of contacting OM's wife, as he doesn't live at home with her at the moment. Supposedly, he is moving back in with his wife to work on their problems. But, I have no way of confirming that. The problem in my relationship with my WW, is that our problems started long before the EA came about. She's already told the counselor she has no intention of giving up OM, and that our problems have nothing to do with OM. I disagree, but I go back to the point, I can't make WW do anything. Any confrontation with OM will only make her mad and push her farther away. She says, they've decided to just be friends. Counselor says, I have 2 choices, try believing her and following her advice, or deciding I can't accept her terms and walk away. I love her dearly, unconditionally, and if there is any hope for us to stay together, I have to do this.

ConfusedScott:
Thanks for your support. You're right, at this point I don't understand her position. I still maintain, I don't see how we can be working on our marriage while OM is part of the picture. WW disagrees, and nothinng I say or the counselor says will change her opinion. All I can do is try to commit to our in house seperation as best I can, and to meet as many EN's she'll allow. I'll never be happy about OM, and that's one thing I'll never back down on.

Where it stands right now, is the next 6 months are purely for her to decide if she can stay married to me and be happy. She's looking for enough time to figure out the changes I've made in my life are permanent. I figure, going down this road will have 2 outcomes: 1) we'll decide we can be happy together, or 2) the time will allow a break between us easier for me.

Got my satelite receiver installed in my room today, so spending time in my room won't be too boring. Got my computer down here too. Computers are my passion in life, like WW's passion is horses. I can't let myself stay away from the computer based on how it makes me feel every time I think about what it's down to WW and myself. All I can do is control how much time is spent on it and how it is spent.

Tomorrow, after work, I'll be obtaining a family membership at a rec center that has a pool, exercise equipment, weight equipment, and lots of other goodies. I've decided I'm going to improve every aspect of my life, with or without WW. Of course, I'd prefer with, but ultimately that's her decision.

This last weekend has probably been the worst yet. Not really in the mood to rehash everything, but I think I posted alot already. I think tomorrow's counseling isn't going to be very nice. Oh well, not much I can do about it.

Here's to pressing on with my life. I told WW this morning, that unless we're on scheduled time to be together, that I'm going to avoid her whenever possible. No more calls at work, no more goodbyes in the morning, no nothing. Probably won't get a response to that, but we'll see.

YES there is something you can do about your situation.. stop resigning yourself to being walked on. I still think nothing would be more effective than to contact the OM and tell him to stop writing talking to or messaging your wife. I also think you could try to contact OM's wife. You dont know for sure he is not living at home..that could be their story so you wont call her.

If I were you I would stop looking for your wifes reaction to anything you do as it is obvious she has no remorse, and so far what you are doing isnt working.

I think what you are doing as far as bettering yourself is positive if you are doing it for yourself, but the only thing that will help with your wife is to stop allowing her to pull the wool over your eyes. Contact the OM. Tell him to stop! Seriously I dont know what is stopping you????

just my 2 cents
c_p

Craving_peace:

You keep insinuating I have some control over my WW. At this point she has not decided to stay married to me. We can't work on our marriage until she decides she wants to be a part of it. I can make demands till I'm blue in the face.

WW says her and OM agreed to just be friends. I can neither confirm nor deny this. She's on the fence, and I'm not pushing her one way or the other. I'm moving on with my life, with or without her. Ultimately, it's her decision.

I wonder if this could work for you.... www.stopyourdivorce.com

Thanks Orangecrush.

WW is a journalist, and loves to write. She's been working on an erotic short story. I showed interest in her work and asked to read it when she's done. Long story short, I live in the same house, and she emailed it to OM before I got to see it. I got upset and she said I was over reacting and childish. I realized my feelings don't even rank anywhere with her at the moment.

So, I've implemented a plan very similar to that. I'll have to wait and see what kind of results I get. We have counseling today, and then it'll be 2 weeks before the next one.

Last night, WW actually came to me for a hug. I've not pressured for any kind of affection, and will continue to hold my ground for my own sanity.

Will post more tomorrow concerning tonight and this afternoon's counseling session.

<small>[ April 14, 2004, 11:31 AM: Message edited by: RWukovich ]</small>

RWukovich

I was here a year ago. I haven't posted much here but I'm going to tell you something a little different than the others.

I agree you are nothing but a doormat right now and that sickens me because I was there. This will continue so long as you allow it to happen. Your WW is getting everything her way.

You will not survive this if you allow it to continue. There comes a time when you have to face reality, as harsh as it may be.

Your marriage is over. Your WW is using you, sucking the life out of you. Is this the kind of person you want to spend your life with? What kind of person does that to someone and still looks at herself in the mirror?

The fact that she is doing this now after a PA several years ago doesn't surprise me at all. Cheaters are like addicts. Cheaters are cowards.
Your WW is a serial adulterer. No doubt that will anger some here, perhaps you, but it's my opinion.

My advice to you, is get a good lawyer, find out your rights and look into getting a good custody arrangement for you and your kids. Then, get into individual counseling and try to get your self-esteem back. You are a broken man, my brother - you need to be strong for your kids.

Bottom line: put yourself and your kids first. Your selfish WW is not only betraying you, she is betraying her own children. Never forget that. They need you. They need their father as a strong man.

Your WW made her choice, now she must live with it. Don't let her pull you deeper into the abyss.
You cannot save a marriage when the other person doesn't want to save it. She doesn't. You need to come to grips with that.

No one is worth the pain you are feeling.

NO ONE.

Regards,

ITB

<small>[ April 14, 2004, 01:02 PM: Message edited by: into the black ]</small>