D-Day May 22, 2004. I learned of my wife's infidelity when she confessed. I am shaken to the core. We have been married for 28 years and have 3 children(28, 25, and 18). 2 are out of the house and on their own. The youngest(18) just graduated from high school and is heading off to college in the fall. The A has been going on for 2 and 1/2 years and I had no clue. Guess that shows how checked out of the marriage I was. The OM is her high school sweetheart who lives half way across the country. He at one time worked away from home in a state near us. My wife started the contact when she was in his hometown for a work assignment(trade show). It started innocently enough with a phone call to say how sorry she was his Dad had died. They met the next day for breakfast. The phone calls started right away. His needs obviously not being met in his own marriage. He has 2 children 13 and 19. I do not know him but have heard his name off and on my whole married life. They met off and on whenever they could arrange it. The last physical meeting was in March 2004 when my wife went to help her mother another state.
I have spoken to his wife, in fact she called me two days after I learned of the A. She is as devasted as I am but says she wants to save her marriage.

I have been trying Plan A for 10 days now. It is so hard to try and meet her needs when she tells me she is "in love" with him and wants to be with him. We have completed the emotional needs questionaire. She is still at home and is wearing her wedding rings. We have had some very frank honest and open conversations the last 10 days. Almost every night. I acknowledge that I have not been the husband she needed. I used my anger to try and control her. No physical abuse of any kind though. I have never cheated on her in any way. I have not been able to get her to agree on NC. I know MB says to plan A for 6 months but when she says she loves him and want to be with him it tears my guts out. Help!!

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be considering the circumstances. Most of us have been through the same thing you are going through. We will support and help you like no one else can.

As you read here, you will see that all WS's are "in love" with the other person. It is really almost comical how ready they are to dump a long term relationship for someone they hardly know.

Tell his wife about this site, and see if she will work the program from her side. That would be very helpful.

Stay in Plan A. That is the starting place. Also you may want to post under general questions since there is lots more traffic there. If you don't get the answers you need, just post to your thread again, and that will bring it back to the top. Hang in there, you can do this.