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I thought about sending this article to my WH's homewrecker when it first came out but I am sure it would be deleted right away.She wouldn't want to know what a homewrecker she is being or that she may be being used.They are both in lala land and immune to any education. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Anyway,I highly doubt any/many OP come here BUT,you should have sent it over to the TOW site! They can use it more than anyone here.
O
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Is there really a site for them?
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I cringed as I opened this... thinking that there was an attack here. I'm glad that I read it, though... it's not an attack - it's simply the truth. I've come to appreciate the plain, simple truth.
CW
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Oh yes, they have a site where they all lie to each other about how wonderful having an affair is. They cheer each other on and live in their fantasy world egging each other on until the bubble bursts and then they actually do support each other as they figure out what they knew to begin with, that affairs are just plain wrong and can't lead to any good. They bash us there. They try to convince each other that what they have with their MM is real. They believe that the wife isn't treating her man correctly or he wouldn't have strayed. Then they figure out that really the MM has the problems in most cases. I am generalizing here. Reality-most men go home to the wife when all is said and done unless she doesn't want him anymore. Do not go there and start a board war. It's their space and they need a place to hide and chat with OW who are in the same fantasy boat.
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Please post the web address - I'd like to see what OP thinks of me the BS..and how they justify their actions against me..
Thanks
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The "thief" is not stealing anyone. The ws makes a CONSCIOUS decision to leave and continue the affair, regardless of their status as a husband/wife/father/mother.
To pretend (or blame) that the problem is solely the op is not a good thing to do.
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The OP is not a theif.
You cannot steal what is freely given.
I've watched Dr. Phil several times but I cannot say that I agree with alot of things that he says.
7 times out of 10 the OW isn't looking to take the WS away from the BS. They are happy getting what they get out of the A.
The only person that is robbed in an A is the BS and the children involved. They are robbed of a future that they had planned, robbed of self esteem, robbed of an identity.
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I'm just facinated by the posts on this board, especially facinated at the fact that you wives stay with your husbands (or vice versa) after finding out that they have cheated - sometimes not once or twice, but several times. Did you know that adultry is the only ground that the Bible says a couple should divorced? Anyway, this is my take on all of this: I believe it is all a game, and the wives feels that when the cheater stays he stays because he loves her so bad - NOT. He stays because it is what he knows best - you, history (years involved), the children, assets probably tied up, and simply because he is a coward. The wife takes him back because she's realized that someone else wants him, he's attracted another woman, and it is a sure bet that if he leaves he would probably not be alone for long - but she would be. I was married for 16 years before I left my husband - not for another man (or that he cheated), simply because I did not love him anymore - I did not like him anymore - he can't understand why to this day. We have two beautiful children. Friends were telling me to go to a marriage councelor - why? to convince me that I still love him? I didn't think so. Everthing does not have to be swell all the time. Split up your belongings and move on. Why should anyone live in misery or cause someone else grief? If you love me so much, why have me stay with you only to bring up all the time that I cheated on you. The crying, nagging, guily feeling is all so wrong. My sister, who is 60 now has been married 3 times. All her husbands were married before - yes, she met them while they were married. They left their wives and married her. Her 1st husband was a much older one and he died when my nephew was 5 years old - he was diabetic. Her 2nd she divorced after he was becoming very possesive - they still remain very good friends. Her 3rd she is still married to. All three men I commend, these are not coward men, they see something they want and went for it - my sister. Their ex-wives - all recovered, eventually. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
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hhezat,
Did you know that adultry is the only ground that the Bible says a couple should divorced
It doesn't say you SHOULD get divorced.
IT says adultery is the only reason you CAN divorce, but you don't HAVE to divorce.
the wives feels that when the cheater stays he stays because he loves her so bad
Uh, where did you get that from? Can't say I've seen it anywhere here.
<small>[ July 13, 2004, 09:50 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Anyway, this is my take on all of this: I believe it is all a game, and the wives feels that when the cheater stays he stays because he loves her so bad - NOT. He stays because it is what he knows best - you, history (years involved), the children, assets probably tied up, and simply because he is a coward </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe you haven't noticed.....but this is a MARRIAGE BUILDING web site. You sound like a very very angry OW. I'm wondering why you even bothered to post. Do you think you are enlightening us to something that we do not know? I highly doubt that since you say that you've never been in a situation like this. So you wouldn't know. You must not have traveled through this forum much and read much either I'm assuming. Most of the time when the WS goes back to the BS they don't feel that they are in love with the BS anymore. The reason they come back or stay is because they are willing to get those feelings back. And YES...most of the time it works. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> All three men I commend, these are not coward men, they see something they want and went for it - my sister. Their ex-wives - all recovered, eventually. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Give me a break. That's like telling me if I see a child in the grocery store that behaves better than my child it's okay to abandon my child and take the one that acts better. Maybe you need to go elsewhere to dole out your opinions. It's not needed here. The people on this site are here to save their marriages. Your opinion isn't going to dissuade anyone here. IMHO....it's more cowardly to leave a marriage without trying to make it work than to stay and try make it work. <small>[ July 13, 2004, 10:42 AM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>
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Give me a break. That's like telling me if I see a child in the grocery store that behaves better than my child it's okay to abandon my child and take the one that acts better. Most of the time when the WS goes back to the BS they don't feel that they are in love with the BS anymore. The reason they come back or stay is because they are willing to get those feelings back. And YES...most of the time it works. The feelings never come back - you keep the men there to torture them to remind them about what they did at every argument you have. If there is no trust ever,how can it work. You wives don't trust the husbands anymore. Everything they now do you scrutinize, no matter how slight. If they stay too long in the bathroom, you wonder, if someone calls and hang up, you wonder, if they have to stay and work late, you wonder. These are normal things that some people encounter every day - yet you stay and torture the men and live in misery - give me a break. The people on this site are here to save their marriages. Your opinion isn't going to dissuade anyone here. IMHO....it's more cowardly to leave a marriage without trying to make it work than to stay and try make it work. Ms. Priss - absolutely garbage! I am not at liberty to convince you or anyone else to stay - pathetic. You are all like drug addicts, they too don't like anyone telling them to get off drugs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Chris-CA123: ok, ok, lets be picky here - the Bible said it is the only REASON one should get a divorce - THEN WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO FOLLOW WHAT THE BIBLE SAY? Why do otherwise - if not on the ground of adultry, then what? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> This is not the only website about wrecked marriages - and judging from most of the scorned women (the wives) responses, I came to that conclusion - "oh, he told me he loves me and he has no feelings for the OM. She forced my husband to have sex with her because he was depressed". Yeah, right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
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ive been married 14 years, i had affair 1 with a creep who i lent money to and wouldnt pay me back. so i was so upset i told my husband 8 months after i tried hard to let it go but i wanted my money back... i got my monry back but also lost much more. i hurt my husband very much.he told me he would forgive me but he lied while i felt victimized by affair 1. my husband was having his ownaffairs with 3 woman all the time telling me what a bad person i was for what i did he says he did it to teach me a lesson now i fear im only here for our kids and convience
Ms. Priss & Chris-CA123
My case in point. What disfunction? Who would want to live like this? A sick person for sure. Him sleeping with every mary, jane and louise, she with [censored], tom and harry - all the STD's going around.
I would never, NEVER subject myself to such degradation. Once he cheated, he's gone baby! I am much too damn attractive.
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hezat, Kind of curious why you responded but didn't even read what I wrote? the Bible said it is the only REASON one should get a divorce - THEN WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO FOLLOW WHAT THE BIBLE SAY?For one reason, the Bible doesn't even suggest one SHOULD get a divorce because of adultery. It says you CAN divorce because of adultery. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> "should Used to express obligation or duty: You should send her a note. Used to express probability or expectation: They should arrive at noon. <small>[ July 13, 2004, 11:55 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>
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Chris-CA123 </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It says you CAN divorce because of adultery. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So why don't you?
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Chris-CA123 </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It says you CAN divorce because of adultery. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So why don't you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The feelings never come back - you keep the men there to torture them to remind them about what they did at every argument you have.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry....each person only has control of themselves. You can't make someone do something they don't want to do. The BS doesn't KEEP anyone anywhere. The WS DECIDES what they are or aren't going to on their own. AGAIN....you sound like a very angry OW. As for arguments and torture in reminding them what they have done. Well....they did to it....but it's not usually the BS that is reminding them...it's usually thier own guilt that reminds them of what they've done. Once the WS and BS start working on the marriage.....the affair doesn't usually factor in since it's part of the past and the past is where it should stay. If you haven't gone through it....you will never know. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If there is no trust ever,how can it work. You wives don't trust the husbands anymore. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's like respect....it's earned. Why should the BS trust the WS after what they have done? The only thing that matters is that the BS is WILLING to trust again. I use the BS and WS term because there are just as many wives that cheat as there are men. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">verything they now do you scrutinize, no matter how slight. If they stay too long in the bathroom, you wonder, if someone calls and hang up, you wonder, if they have to stay and work late, you wonder. These are normal things that some people encounter every day - yet you stay and torture the men and live in misery - give me a break. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If the WS stays....they usually know what they are in for.....boo frickin' hoo if you think that is torture. Why should you care anyway if you've never been in a situation like that. What do you think the BS went through when they found out about the affair in the first place. It wasn't exactly like going on a trip to Disney World. Sorry.....your version of what goes on is a little twisted to me. I've lived it...you haven't. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ms. Priss - absolutely garbage! I am not at liberty to convince you or anyone else to stay - pathetic. You are all like drug addicts, they too don't like anyone telling them to get off drugs. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry....you got me wrong too. I didn't stay. My H had an affair and I was the one that was filing for divorce. My H begged me to come back. Sorry for putting a big huge whole in your theory. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I would never, NEVER subject myself to such degradation. Once he cheated, he's gone baby! I am much too damn attractive. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Also sorry that you have never experienced the kind of love for someone that you make you jump through anything to make it work. Must be hard to only love yourself. Never say never. EVERY person on this board has said....if they cheat...their gone at one time or another before it happened to them. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> This is not the only website about wrecked marriages - and judging from most of the scorned women (the wives) responses, I came to that conclusion - "oh, he told me he loves me and he has no feelings for the OM. She forced my husband to have sex with her because he was depressed". Yeah, right. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why are you focusing on the wives when there are just as many men here that have been betrayed? Again....sounding like an angry OW that didn't get her way. And please.....do enlighten me on a post where just one BS says that the OP forced their MM/MW to have sex with them? I've been here for 3 years now and have never seen a post like that. Your opinion and theories won't wash here. There is NOTHING to support them. By the way....I'm done with this. People that live in glass houses....shouldn't throw stones. <small>[ July 13, 2004, 12:17 PM: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</small>
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hezat:
I've reported your posts 2 the moderators. I hope that you are just a hurt former BS or WS grasping for solutions 2 your troubles, but your posts don't make it look that way.
Please go 2 the home page and read the articles - the reasons for this forum's existence. I suspect you'd be better served elsewhere, but I'd be delighted 2 be wrong about that.
best,
-ol' 2long
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Please, for those that are on this hot topic at the moment, please read my last topic, On the way down, I really need some help and if you are dedicated to saving marriages, which I think is very honorable, tell me how to save mine by telling me from your experience what helps you.
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I did.
That and abandonment.
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