My husband actually took four days off with us at Christmas. That was incredible. He is a workaholic. That and he works with the other woman when he goes in for overtime. So, I felt very happy that he took the two days off before Christmas Eve and Christmas day. That meant he was with us and not at work with her, amongst other things he could be doing with her. The first two days we all had off we stayed at home. It went very well for the most part. For the sake of Christmas, I tried to be very cheerful. We then went to visit my family on the 23rd. That night went ok. Then on the 24th we visited his family. That went ok. Christmas Eve evenign was a little tense. He went upstairs and hid out in my brothers room and played on his computer. I spent time with him up there. But, he was avoiding my family at all cost. They don't know he had an affair. He is afraid they are going to figure it out. I haven't told them because they will make this much worse than it already is I am afraid. Christmas day sucked. He didn't buy me a present. I didn't get him one either. My sisters each got rings from their husbands. We are too broke to buy presents for each other. That is a bad thing. Anyway, all my family was there on Christmas day. That made it especially hard for my husband. I also kept track of his hours for the last two weeks. There are 20 hours less on his paycheck than what I had written down. I did confront him about it. He said he forgot to punch in one day. I told him that I didn't believe him. He puts in 12 hour days. Then he can go in for overtime on his days off. Well, that means one of the days he said he went in for overtime he didn't and that means one of his 12 hour days he didn't go in. I told him I knew he was with her. He denied it. I had suspected that he had been with her anyway. My parents are seeing that we are having some problems. I told them that my husband is going through a midlife crisis. I said that it has to do with our financial situation and that he has to work all the time and that he is getting tired of it all. So, they offered to keep the boys for a couple of days so that we could have time to talk without the kids around. So, we had a 3 hour drive home to talk last night. TALK, we did. I cried. I told him I couldn't hold it together anymore. I have been trying so hard. I told him again that I felt that he was with the other woman during those hours he said he was at work. He said he could understand why I think that. I also told him that I didn't believe him when he said he wasn't and I also said that I don't believe you forget to punch in for a 12 hour day and not get it taken care of right away. I told him that I am tired of feeling like I am crazy and losing my mind and that I don't believe his story about it. He didn't get angry he didn't try to deny it again. So, I am certain he was with her. I am still keeping track of his hours. I have to for my own sake. I know I shouldn't have said anything yet but I need to get him to realize that he HAS to stop seeing her. I was very diplomatic about the whole thing. I didn't go off the deep end. I told him that he had to end his relationship with her in order for me to start healing. He is finally feeling regret and remorse and he feels like a failure and an idiot and all those other things. I asked him what was so great about a her. She cheated on her first husband with a married man. She then married him. Now she is cheating on him with my husband. How attractive is that? I told him that I am tired of him acting like she is so honorable. She herself admitted to him that she is a slut. The woman is a tramp. I told him that I understand that it is hard to end a relationship with someone but that if he really wants to be with me he has to end it. I told him he has to start choosing me over her. He said he does choose me. The woman is apparently attached to my husband. I told my husband that I believe she is. He said he believes it too. I told him that when he works with her he needs to stay away from her because it doesn't help the situation if he is talking to her. She is divorcing her husband and her husband doesn't want a divorce. So, I think she is playing the damsel in distress. My husband is a sucker and got sucked right into the whole mess. He says he wants to be with me. I told him if he wants to be with me he needs to prove it. He needs to start reassuring me. I told him I need him to be faithful from this day forward and for the rest of our lives. This is so hard. He is just beginning to realize how wrong he was to do this. He is kicking himself for not thinking of the consequences of his actions. He cannot understand why he did it. He says I did nothing to deserve this. He says I have been so good to him. This is all true. He says I am better in bed then she is. I told him that is because we have been having sex for 13 years. We built our sex life on a meaningful relationship which is full of love. This woman has never had a meaningful relationship. The truth is, my husband and I do have a very good sexual relationship. It was always our joke that I am like I guy when it comes to sex. I think about it just as much as he does. I like it just as much as he does. That is why he can't understand why he did this to me. That and that we have always had a very good relationship. The problem is that this woman made herself very available to my husband. My husband is too naive' to see that. He really is. This woman knew what she was doing. I told him that if she tries to get him to be with her again that he has to say no. I told him to be mean to her if he has to. He said he was getting tired of the relationship with her. So, I take it that she was the one who kept pushing it. Of course, I hate going on his word. I still don't believe much that he says. I told him that if he keeps talking to her it is just going to give her hope and make her think that he still is interested in her. The woman is 41. My husband is 32. She is 9 years older than him. I think she is enjoying the fact that she got a younger man. Here is where I need advice. I just went to Target today. Where my husband works is right across the street from Target. Well, it is my husbands day to work and the other womans day off. BUT she came in for overtime. I saw her car there. My husband told me that when she comes in on her day off she usually leaves at 2:00pm. Well, it was 2:45pm when I left and she was still there. SO, I am assuming that she is staying until 6:00pm. I am also assuming that she is going to try and get my husband to be with her again. It has been almost a week since she has been with him and I am guessing that she is wanting to be with him again. I am just wondering if I should A. try and call my husband at work and see if he wants me to come over to the town where he works so that we can go out for supper. The thing about this is that I can't really call him at work due to the fact that they work in a factory. I do have a number I can call but nobody ever answers it. So, I really don't think I can get through to him. OR B. just drive over there and show up at the time he is supposed to get off work and tell him that since we don't have the kids I thought it would be fun to go to supper at Applebee's. OR C. just stay here at home and hope and pray that he has the sense to stay away from the other woman and come home to me like he should. I am scared about this whole thing. I think this other woman can be very persuasive. She apparently knows what she wants and how to get it. I do pray that my husband will do the right thing and come home. We really can't afford to go out to eat. ARGHHHH!!!!!!! I am really looking for advice here. I am afraid he will think I am checking up on him if I just show up but like I said, I can never get a hold of him at work because no one answers that phone. I am driving myself NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Woozy

OK, if it was me, I would go home and wait. You want your H to do the right thing (come home) for the right reason, not because you are waiting outside his place of employment checking up on him. If you do that, what are you going to do each time the OW works with him?? You can't go there everytime and be outside the factory.<P>You are not crazy and you are not an idiot. It is hard for you because you want him to be honest and faithful...imagine that! <P>This woman sounds like a real loser, too. But, no matter how persuasive she is or conniving or convincing...no matter what, your H AND HE ALONE is responsible for his cheating ways. She has a part in it for sure, but she can't force him to be with her unless he wants to.<P>Now the part about driving yourself nuts...ah, I can really identify with that one. It is so hard on us - this infidelity. Someone here describes it as a cancer that eats us up and that is an apt description.<P>Read some of the refence books off of NSR's thread "BOOKS....BOOKs...BOOKS". Read The Harleys' book Surviving an Affair. Most everyone here is following the Plan A or PlanB guidelines in the book.<P>Try to calm yourself as best you can. This is not one of those things with a wuick fix. As a matter of fact, I can guarantee you this will take a long time to sort itself out. Read the posts on theis site and answer some of them, too. You learn alot whne you sit to type and the thoughts just come out...some of them might surprise you, too.<P>Let folks here support you...there is care and concern for all, becuase we uderstand like no one else can!!!<P>Wishing you the best,<P>Roll Me Away<BR><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Thank you for the advice! I chose not to go and wait outside the factory. My husband was 10 minutes late getting home. I was in a panick of course! I hate that. I did tell him that I thought about going to meet him after he got off work and he said he thought I would be there and that he looked for me. I am so honest. He was quiet when he got home. I hate that. I told him I went to Target and that I saw the other woman was working. He said he was sorry but they do pay double time on Sundays. I of course cannot make a big deal out of it. He can't help it when she comes to work. Anyway, I will post more later.