Ok... <P>A couple of people were kind enough to ask about how <B>my</B> holidays went...<BR>(Thanks for kicking my butt on this... Desiree...<BR>Older son finally got off PC because I got his dreamcast system working (in 10 minutes)...<BR>W and sponge couldn't get it working all day yesterday... hehehe...)<P>Here goes...<P><B>Friday...</B> - Christmas Eve day...<BR>I picked up official letter ("notice of motion" from my W's attorney)...<BR>W's "asking for more money" was <B>not</B> in the motions!!!!<BR>She even admits (and this is news to me) that the day she signed the lease to the condo OM(sponge) <B>co-signed the lease with her</B>...<BR>All the time we were making agreements for me to help her out (claiming "oh, no one will move in with me"... she was scheming to move into the condo co-signed with OM!... SHEEESH!!!!<BR>(lies... lies... lies... unbelievable!)<BR>W is however asking for courts to lift the restraining order... to allow the OM(sponge) to stay overnights in the condo while my kids stay during visits...<BR><B>I will fight this tooth and nail</B>... "K", "Steve H."... I know you guys will say this is a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A>... OK... I don't care!... If my W doesn't come back because of this... I am ready to take the consequences... My kids are not going to be exposed to this sponge... adulterous... immoral... married... slime-bucket! My God, my soul, my heart, my mind, my everything is clear on this!<P>Ok... change of story...<BR>The Christmas playet (which I directed and produced) went <B>very</B> well... Yeah... I was the substitute director/producer... my wife did this job for about 5 years before me...<BR>Everyone complimented me... They said "I could finally hear what the kids said".... My W tended to make the playelet complicated... (overpowering)music-filled... and complex.<BR>I strived for simplicity of the "story of the birth of Jesus"... Many said it was the best playlet yet... maybe there were biased though...<BR>I felt good about it... and of course relieved when it was over...<P>I ended the day by going over my in-laws... My W's mom, brother, sisters and their families were all there. They love me so much (like another brother.) They are so upset she's done what she's done. They noticed I was quiet... I think they understood why... but I was happy seeing my kids interacting with their 3 cousins!!! They are so close to each other!<P><B>Saturday</B> - Christmas day...<BR>Wife came to pick up the kids at 7:20 AM (as scheduled)...<BR>I very difficult time for me... my first Christmas day without my kids ever...<BR>I had all their)W's and kids) presents ready to take with them...<BR>Yeah... they spent the day with their mom... the OM... and his two kids...<BR>I had my W's presents ready (one from me... unlabled... music box... "brown paper package(s)... tied up with string"... yep... yep... yep... the "sap" coming through like from a faucet!)<BR>OK... so you've got to know... I asked her... <BR>"Would you(W) stay the day with me and the kids... no church... no relatives... just us..."<BR>She declined... <BR>OK... I asked her later... "could I get a hug" (hasn't happened since April!!!!, she had no present for me)...<BR>First she said "It wouldn't be appropriate"... <B>but</B>... a few seconds later... gave me a 6 second hug... I started to cry... kids were in the room... so she asked me to compose myself for the kids... and when I did... we said our goodbyes (still tearful) and they left.<BR>I made no mention to her of "legal motion"... NO <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>!<BR>The rest of the day was a bit sad... I spent it with my sister and parents after church...<BR>Read some of the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A> book I got as a gift for myself... I still have a lot to learn... right <B>K</B>!<P><B>Sunday</B> - Day after Christmas...(today)...<BR>My Wife brought the kids back right on time (8:00 AM)... as we agreed...<BR>She was colder than the ice at the North Pole... Bitter cold mean stares at me... angry glances... no coming within 3 feet of her...<BR>She wore sun glasses... to hide tear streaks I think...<BR>I forgot to give her one of the presents(from kids from yesterday)... and when I tried to give to her she said... "I won't take it... if it's from you(Jim)"! Very angry... and she left...<BR>I gave her zero <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> again! Again I made no mention to her of "legal motion".<BR>The rest of the day was spent with my side of the family... and again a great time with their other four cousins!!!... My kids now get to stay over my sisters tonight... so I can get ready for<P><B>Monday</B> - Tomorrow...<BR>I have the 10 AM first session with Steve Harley...<BR>I will stay up a while to think of questions I definite need answered soon...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... to continue?....<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... when to start?...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> letter?... content?...<BR>How to navigate divorce "motions" without <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busting</A>?...<BR>Any other's you can think of guys?...<P><BR>You can bet I'll post after my counseling session!...<P>Thank you one and all for all the support you've given me...<BR>It's like a wonderful Christmas present... from Jesus... (sorry Santa... you just can't compete)<P>Thanks once again... <BR>The next holiday hurdle... New Year's (Eve)... it will be another struggle! <BR>But with everyone's help here... I'll work it out! <P>Prayers for all... especially those who had a much more difficult time of it... <BR>God bless you all! <P>Jim

Boy, Jim, what a weekend!<P>But you did great! I knew you would. And I believe that, until ordered to do otherwise (and you will be at some point, ya know?), you should stick by your guns about the kids.<P>Good luck tomorrow on the counselling session. <P>And I'm praying for you, too.<P>Lori

Good going Jim.<P>It's hard as hell not to LB. It looks like we both managed.<P>Now if only I could stop cying.<P>Prayers with you for your session w/S.Harley.<P>You are right about santa not being able to compete.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

NSR,<P>Sounds like you did great, as difficult as it must have been. I have to hand it to ya. I KNOW I couldn't have done as well.<P>Your wife is going to be soooo sorry when she wakes up and realizes what she has done. And I think deep down, she knows it,, especially in view of her actions when she returned the kids on Christmas day. <P>You seem to have a wonderful supportive family. Spending the holidays with those we love and that love us is the best way to get through these tough days. Hang in there, Jim and good luck with your appointment tomorrow!!

<B>Lori</B>...<BR>Thanks for the supportive words...<BR>You're right the that the courts may at some time allow the OM overnights with my kids... but I will try, just the same to keep that from happening now. I asked the kids...all three... and they <B>all</B> said they don't want OM there overnights... I askd them why... and they said..."because what mommy is doing is wrong"... I think I'm bringing them up right. <P><B>Bill</B>...<BR>Thank you too for responding...<BR>BTW a snipet of what I just got back in an e-mail from my wife(sent from her Sunday eve) <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>...stop following me(out to the car) when i come pick up the kids or drop them off....stop bombarding me with your rediculous questions and requests...stop the endearments, they mean nothing...stop using the kids as messengers of things such as notes, papers, gifts....stop harrassing me....give me what's mine. i did not accept<BR>your gifts...they are in the garbage. i've asked you to stop with the flowers,etc. you wouldn't listen: so i threw them out.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>... yeah this addiction is sad... <BR>Thank you too. <P><B>Nerlycrzy</B>...<BR>Thanks for your kind words.. and well wishes for my appointment with Steve H. today. You so often beat me to the newbies... and that's OK! I can't spend all of my time on the forum. Thanks again... <P>Jim

NSR;<P>Sounds like you handled the holidays with great style. And yes, you are raising your kids right. Good luck today with you session and can't wait to hear what Dr. Harley has to say. All this is so rough especially during this time of year, but having this board can be such a refuge as we all know.<P>Keep thinking clearly(as much as possible)and I wish the very best for you and your kids.<P>Prayers and Hugs to you.<P>Dev2<p>[This message has been edited by devastated2 (edited December 27, 1999).]

Hi Jim,<P>You did a great job this weekend! It truly, truly amazes me that the betrayers are so hateful and angry towards the betrayed, when THEY are the ones who screwed up, and are in the wrong. She obviously is reacting the way she is because she feels guilty. And when you do nice things for her it only makes her feel guiltier. Thus, the violent emotion towards you. How very sad. Some day she will wake up, and realize what she had. Looking forward to hearing about your session with Harley. Hang in there. It WILL get better.

Jim,<P>THANKS for posting...I was worried because you were TOO quiet!<P>Ok, Steve can help you figure out how to be nice without smothering...sounds like although you are being nice, she is taking it as WAYYYY too much. I know...I did THAT, too.<P>Cr@p...done them all. <P>You ar doing great..glad you got that book. I am going to buy myslef the His needs Her needs book today. I need to learn how to control my TAKER right now, becuase I am tired of GIVING everything and getting pooped on in return. My TAKER is hitting me with a vengance right now.<P>I will be on the lookout ofr your post after talking to Steve. I need to leave for a meeting in another building...too bad I am at work!<P>Desiree<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Hey Jim,<P>Just saw your post- I’ve been a bit busy (work is a blessing these days) & also a bit self-centered —like a friend used to say “don’t try to get me out of my pain, let me enjoy it!”—.<P>Sorry for your weekend, mine didn’t go that well either- yes, there was more on Sunday (I’ll post later, maybe tonight).<P>I am sending prayers in your direction, for one thing God does listen & would never send a pain that we couldn’t handle.<P>Talk to you later, and yes, please post after talking with Dr. H.<P>Alex

Jim,<BR> I missed all posts from yesterday and the first half of today, sorry I took so long in responding. I just wanted to let you know, YOU ARE A GOOD MAN! And your wife knows it too! She can be cruel all she wants to you, but I'm sure she has to feel like a fool for treating you so bad. I hope things start to turn around for you soon. I can relate about the gifts. No matter how cruel my husband is to me I still buy him things. You see I'm a giver at heart and I have always bought him things. I don't think you should stop doing what's in your heart to do. You see, you are killing her with kindess. And it makes her angry because it only show @ss in her! Both of you are in my prayers!!!!<BR><P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>