I got that one a couple of times...and I jsut don't see the truth in it.

If a person wants to be caught, why does she go to great lengths to hide the affair? Why not just tell her spouse about it, and get it out in the open?

ANDREW A---Believe or not, it was a relief for me that my husband found me out>>> I was having many sleepless nights!!! He can tell you about it!

Myrta

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by AndrewA:

I'm sitting in my car in a parking lot at 5:15 a.m., waiting for a bus that will take me to work. I'm gathering up all of my stuff, and I notice a folded sheet of paper on the back seat. I open it..and it's an email from my wife to the OM. Included in it is a love poem which talked about many intimate details.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sure looks like that was the case in your situation, wasn't it?

Andrew, I also wanted to be caught. I left cellphone records out, I dropped hints. I wanted to be caught because I knew my H was being affected by something he didn't even know was happening. He was not party to information that was a very important part of his life. Conversely, and perversely, I didn't want him to find out because it would have ended the A.

I also though that once he found out, he would probably leave me. Part of me was terrified by that but part of me thought I would be free then to go with the OM. It's NOT how I think now. D-day was the start of a whole new marriage for us. It was the wake up call of all wake up calls.

When he did find out (by himself by finding relationship books I'd hidden with titles like "Parting Successfully" and Dr Phil's Relationship Rescue) the A was over. I did try to put it behind me without ever telling him. After a couple of months, I decided I would tell him because of what I said above, he was not party to something that affected him deeply. Our marriage would have been nothing but a sham. I was becoming impossible to live with, fogged out, depressed and drinking heavily.

Does any of that help or just make you more confused. I think the bottom line is that people having an A have been abducted by aliens and nothing they do or say can be taken as coming from a normal human being. Sorry, if that sounds facetious but it's the best analogy I can give you.

Jen