Since I posted a thread already, I thought that some of you who had replied to my post might want to hear what I've been going through.

Well, a week ago yesterday I found some emails my husband and another girl had been sending to each other. I was devastated. I did not know what to do. But I did print the emails up and put them away. I wanted to sit on this information and get solid proof. But I tried to go to sleep Sunday night and my stomach was all in knots. It was awful. So I confronted my husband. He's in the Navy and was in Kansas City where he met this girl. The emails I read were VERY suggestive. Calling each other sexy, waking up in your arms etc. I confronted him and he said they were just friends and that they were just teasing each other. He said that I could email her if I wanted to and ask. I had no choice but to believe him. The next few days I couldn't eat, I was chugging pepto and couldn't sleep. Finally on Thirsday I made an appt with my dr for my stomach problems. He prescribed me Librax but said pills were not a solution. He said I either needed to get out of the stressful situation or see a counselor. Oh on Monday night, Tuesday night and Wednesday night I had sex with my husband. I wanted him VERY badly; emotionally. I cried afterwards on Monday and Tuesday nights. He didn't notice Monday, but on Tuesday he did. I told him that because of this situation I feel like I've fallen in love with him all over again. I told how passionate I felt about him. About how I was scared of losing him. He told me: women are insane and to go eat a brownie. All I wanted was a hug, to be comforted, some reassurance. So on Thursday he went out of town again to Florida. Thursday afternoon I decided to email the girl. I was extremely civil. I asked if she had had sex with my husband. To put herself in my shoes etc. Never heard back from her. Oh I forgot on Wednesday night my husband asked me if I had emailed her yet. I said no. He said "I was just wondering because she hadn't emailed me since Sunday." So, anyways on Friday I call up some therapists and I have an appt this Friday. Thank goodness! Saturday night I emailed this girl again. The subject was "Guilt/Shame". I told her that her silence must mean either guilt or shame and that she did sleep with my husband. I told her about the wheels of fate. Then I told her she was out of my life and my husbands life for good. So my husband comes back tonight and we still haven't talked. I wanted to wait until the my daughters were in bed before talking to him. He has a hockey game tonight and won't be back til around 10pm. I plan on telling him about the emails I sent her then about my appt with a therapist. I'm very nervous of his reaction to my therapist appt. Because 7 yrs ago a similar incident happened. He was deployed for 6 months in Rota, Spain. I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. He comes back when I'm about 8 1/2 months along and says he wants a divorce, he met someone else. Well, 5 days later the person he was going to leave me for had already found another bed to keep warm. Kinda funny, but not really. So he changes his mind about the divorce. Meanwhile I'm going crazy. I tell him we should go to a marriage counselor. He FREAKS out!!! So I'm very scared of his reaction to my having an appt with a therapist! These past few days I've been only "eating" yogurt drinks, slim fast and a couple of bananas. I've lost 10 lbs. 10 lbs, I really cannot spare. I can so see anorexia looming on the horizon. I've been drinking almost every night. Thinking that would help, yeah right! Oh and my "going crazy" part is that I still love him OH SO MUCH!! I feel like a sick twisted idiot for having these feelings!! I mean before this our relationship was ho-hum, whatever. But since this has happened, I guess thinking I could lose him has made me realize how much I love him. But is that my true feelings? Or is it something very basic like marking your territory or something? Anyways....I know this is very long and I hope maybe 1 or 2 people will make it to the end. At least I hope someone will tell me I'm not crazy for loving someone a 100xs more AFTER they cheat on you!! I just feel warped! And my therapist appt cannot come soon enough!!

Tricia

P.S. I want to apologize right now. I'm feeling very selfish right now in my own situation. I'm not reading much of the other posts. I greatly appreciate anyone who responds to my post. Hopefully after this all blows over I can come back to this site and help someone else going through this the way I hope to be helped. TIA!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> )

<small>[ October 18, 2004, 10:30 PM: Message edited by: mommy2xs73 ]</small>

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<small>[ January 25, 2005, 02:03 AM: Message edited by: *blondblossom* ]</small>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by blondblossom:
[QB] Hi Tricia,

I just wanted to let you know that your reaction is very much the same as mine was.

take care
bb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you so much for your kind words bb!! We had our talk and unfortunately I guess I don't need this website anymore. He wants a divorce. So I guess the cheating does not matter anymore. I just wanted to let you know and anyone else so they don't have to read my long story!

Tricia

If your husband thinks he wants a divorce, now is the time you need to stick with this site. We can help you.

It is very common for spouses to want a divorce if they are having an affair.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong> If your husband thinks he wants a divorce, now is the time you need to stick with this site. We can help you.

It is very common for spouses to want a divorce if they are having an affair. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you really think so? He tells me he doesn't love me. He says we got married for the wrong reasons. We were both active duty military when we met and he says we got married because we didn't want to be separated. I do still love him, but how can I change his mind? It seems so hopeless. He is going to help me out in every way possible. Paying for my rent in a new location, paying for school. Keeping me as a dependent so I can keep my insurance. He wants this to be as amiable as possible. And I'm for the being nice part. Its just that I still love him and he doesn't love me. I'm so not looking forward to telling our kids. Because I've done research online in how to tell your children. It says to say WE want a divorce. And to not blame 1 spouse or the other. But I don't want a divorce he does. So I'm confused about how we will tell our kids this w/o making him look like the bad guy. I plan on bringing these things up to the therapist on Friday.....Thanks for reading....feeling alone....I haven't told anyone of this except this board. Not even my sister. I tell her EVERYTHING! Ok, signing off now....

Tricia

In my opinion he is following the script of an active WS to the letter in what he says and what he does. And also in how he manipulates you to enable the continuation of the A. It is surprising how similar they act/ speak during the addiction.

I will advice you to base your plan on the assumption that he is in an on-going A.
This site has much material to study.The forums are only a part of Marrieage Builders (MB).I would suggest you read all you can, particularly all you can find on plan-A.
There are thousands of posts here in the MB forums, and you can find much knowledge and comfort also by reading those. I will suggest you look into the “General questions II” (GQ-II) part of this forum, and also the “in recovery” part. You could try to post your story in GQ-II since there are more posters there.

When you read the forums try to search for “WS script” using the search tool of the forum. Many posts have dealt with this.

There is still hope. He is now in a chemical addiction to hormones in his brain. This is the “feel good” of a new relationship, and it fills him to the brim. It will not last. He can not indefinitely be able to continue suppressing his brain and the knowledge of what he is doing. Start up with plan A. Be strong!
PS! Don’t believe what he is now saying, and believe only half of what you see. He is in the fog of the addiction, and hurtful statements will flourish. Distance yourself from the impact. This is standard procedure for the Ws in an A and a part of the script.

And buy time on the question of D. Don't sign or accept anything now. Don't argue either. Just buy time. He will come to his sences sooner or later. Buy time, and do a proper plan A!

God bless!

<small>[ October 22, 2004, 09:15 AM: Message edited by: Frank57 ]</small>