Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
Not sure what route we will be taking to NM.My SIL is going to be best man at his bestfriends wedding,so I am going along to help with the kids and it is a great opportunity to meet 2 wonderful women from the forum.

As for the island or hanging out with Ali I'm "IN"...LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As for H............well he calls me this morning and tells me he is planning a trip for us this month..I say I dont think thats a good idea.He never asked if I wanted to go,if I could go,what my schedule was like NOTHING!!! He just acts like everything is fine.I reminded him of my feelings,how I had given him more than enough time to change and work on us but HE chose to do nothing and now "I" am ready to go on with my life.His only response was......."Without me?" and I said "YES".

I guess it is soon time for me to move from JFO to the divorce forum.I think I will need help on what steps to take.

Thank you all for all your support.

Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 811
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 811
Come on over! We can melt the snow with the heat of our hula dancing and have a huge luau! I'll also supply the Mai Tai's! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Humm, maybe the row boat sounds like a better idea. Better wait to catch a wave though! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

SS, do you ride? My M to Randy? Humm, depends on what day you ask. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> We are back in limbo again. Or I should say he is pretending once again that the problems that we have don't exists. That part is emotionally draining. We talked about divorcing and how it would be handled etc. But a few days or maybe a week ago he came to me and told me that he could not separate the family. I will not go there right now. Because isn't that one of the reasons why I am here???? I don't know what I want to do or what my next step will be. I am trying so hard to forgive a part of this. I am tired of feeling this way. But my heart is so afraid of being ripped out again. Maybe I will be where Ginger is at one day. Or maybe Randy will want to recover and help our marriage. Though the last year and half, my love for Randy is a lot different from than it was.

GINGER! I am so proud of you! That is great. You show him. Ha, suddenly the grass looks greener on this side now huh? Gee's <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> We'll have to get to talking soon. I have some free time now that my oldest is at school. yay!

OKIE DOKIE

Ali~

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 592
S
SAB Offline
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 592
Ginger,

How are you?

Any movement from your H or are you proceeding with the divorce?

Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
How am I??
I am fine,I have been busy over the last few days so not much time to come to MB.
Thanks for caring.

As for H?? Oh boy is he making changes,well maybe not in the physical sense but he is beginning to feel the pain,the impact of what his actions,or should I say lack of actions have done.
He sent me a very emotional email,yes it broke my heart to read it but all of the sudden I said,this is how I have felt for yrs and it did not seem to matter to him and NOW he wants me to feel for him during his pain.
He begged me not to leave,that he could not live without me.Funny if that was true why was I not worth putting effort into yrs ago.

I guess he thought he did not have to because that was how it always was,I just accepted what ever came my way.

So far I have not looked back,I dont feel regrets for this decision.I feel happy and so free and at times wonder why.

I think the answer is that I finally let go of the pain and hurt of the past,and look at the future as being one filled with happiness and love.

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 592
S
SAB Offline
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 592


<small>[ January 12, 2005, 09:42 AM: Message edited by: SAB ]</small>

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 592
S
SAB Offline
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 592
I'm so happy for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !

It's good to see that your H is finally feeling the effects of you pushing him through the wall. Sometimes that's what it has to take.

Are you willing to see how far he will go? Or are you done?

If you've read my thread, mine has asked me to marry him again now that he's come around. I've told him it's not that simple. He has a lot of issues to work on for us to have a good M that have nothing to do with me. If he wants me, he's going to have to work on himself. I haven't told him yes or no. I'm letting him work his way back. I'm worth working for! I'm not even teling him about here nor HNHN. Let him work through his own journey on his own. Telling him would be like fixing it for him once again which I've vowed to myself not to do. I get the feeling that just because he feels OK means that everything is OK. It's not...and I've told him so. I'm nobody's fool.

What are your plans for yourself?

Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
I'm done!!!!!

Plans for me are to live a very full,happy life.To fall in love with someone that will respect me and love me for who I am.

Thats my plan.

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 592
S
SAB Offline
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 592
I couldn't ask for better for you. You sound so much stronger and happier than I've ever heard you. Wish you enough happiness to fill many lifetimes over. I'll miss you around here. Don't be a stranger. Also, if you ever come up to my neck of the woods, please let me know. I'd love to meet with you and hear about your adventures.

Take care my friend.

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,473
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,473
Do you have a time line?

I mean, are you going to file, and do you have a projected date?

SS

Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
I am going to file,he refuses to.
He acts like this is all a big shock,that it just came from out of the blue.I dont think people get divorced in la la land where he lives..........LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am going to make some phone calls tomorrow to find out what to do first.I need to do this now,get it behind me and start my new life.

I will keep you all posted on what is going on,I would never just leave this site without having someway of letting the people who have helped me most know what was going on.

SAB not sure where you live,if it is anywhere near Buffalo NY,I plan on going there in march or april.

Thanks for caring,I can say one thing.......everyone was right,all the advice given was true but you have to come to the place to be able to accept and do what needs to be done before you can see the light.I have been in a dark place for so long I saw no light,and now everything seems so bright and new.This is a much better place to be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 276
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 276
Hi Honey

I know I do not post very often now but I have read through this and felt that I had to tell you how very proud I am of you!!

This time last year you were lost, sad and broken. Broken by a man who just did not get it but now look at you!!!! I knew you could get here, I had faith in you and I see before me a stronger and happier Ginger...........Go girl!!LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

About time that that stupid H of your's realise what he has let slip through his fingers, and oh how he will regret it for the rest of his life, because you are truely a remarkable woman.

Speak to you soon my dearest friend.

Love

Katx <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 592
S
SAB Offline
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 592
SAB not sure where you live,if it is anywhere near Buffalo NY,I plan on going there in march or april.

I'm directly north of there on the other side of Lake Ontario, just west of the CN Tower (You can't miss it.) Maybe we can go to Jack Astor's after all as I mentioned in a previous post...Have you got your tidyup done <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ? I look forward to it.

all the advice given was true but you have to come to the place to be able to accept and do what needs to be done before you can see the light.

Kind of reminds of the last few minutes of the Wizard of Oz where Dorothy realizes that happiness is right in her own backyard. Glinda could have told her but she had to find it out for herself. There's no place like home! Ginger, you are home. Enjoy.

He acts like this is all a big shock,that it just came from out of the blue.I dont think people get divorced in la la land where he lives..........LOL

Mine too....My H is horrified to know that he could have done something that would have made the kids and I want to leave. He was angry and concerned to think that I am convinced ours is not a balanced partnership and that I feel he's manipulated and used me. He's "never for one minute ever taken [me] for granted". I don't want to go to their world. It's too weird for me to deal with.

Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
SAB
When the trip gets planned I will be sure to let you know.There is also one more gal from here that I have kept in close contact with that lives north of Buffalo,so we can have a real MB get together,it will be a great day,and time for all.

Kat,thanks for having faith in me.I wish it would not have taken me so long to have faith in myself.

I know that I will have down days,but I never plan on looking back and regreting this decision.No matter what life brings my way I believe I will be ready to handle the challenge.

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 31
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 31
Dear gingersnap,

I am new here and recently posted on the recovery section; although not quite sure recovering. I came here and read your post. I am 2 years since I found out, and not doing very well. What you had to say made me think a little bit about my own situation (on a positive note). Good luck to you. If you have a chance, my note is posted under recovery "recovery stuck", tells my story. You have inspired me to stick with this site, as it may be helpful to me.

Thank you.

Miranda

Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,473
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 6,473
I don't know if I should be happy, or sad.

I suppose I am a little of both. Happy that you don't feel stuck, sad that it had to go this way.

Still think about you - how you are doing. Still praying. I imagine this is not an easy thing.

SS

<small>[ January 20, 2005, 03:10 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,541
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 2,541
Ginger sorry to read things didn't work out. But have faith you did all you could do for the marriage now it is your turn to do all you can for yourself.

Good luck friend. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,929
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,929
slight threadjack:

Stunned Dad - nice to see you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Have been reflecting on our recovery and think of you and how much your posts helped me way, way back over a year ago and beyond! Hope you and your W are well!

Ginger - never posted to you but I wish you the best! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugs, Frags

Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
Thank you all for your support.
Yes it is hard when a long term M ends,but is it worth living the rest of my life unhappy,or in a lie?? NO.
I must first be true to myself and when I am with my H it all feels so fake,so foney.I want a real love.

I am looking forward to just being alone for a while.

Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 462
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 462
Ginger,

I am sorry that things have come to where they are for you. I know it is not what you wanted. But, I am glad that you feel safe and secure enough in yourself to make yourself happy.

You hung in there and did everything you could do and H was not aware of anyone but himself. It actually sounds like what he is doing that same thing now. He is just now figuring out that your moving away, getting another job and your own apartment meant that you left him. He must have just thought he was on vacation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I wish only the best for you and you need to be #1 with the man that you are with. He needs to love and respect you above all others. If he continually puts his needs first, his family's, his kids, his job etc...before you then you are both in a lose lose situation. Maybe he will realize that some day. In the meantime, he has lost himself a wonderful partner who only wanted to give him all of her love and only wanted him to love her (and show her) in return. I think he is a huge loser on this deal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am doing well. You know the usual ups and downs. The hoping you are doing the right thing by staying in the marriage and hoping that everything that is being said and done is real, but in the back of your mind evaluating everything all of the time. It is exhausting! I would love to be back where I never questioned anything about our relationship, his feelings, his love, his motivations etc...I don't think that is 100% possible ever again. I am not saying that I will never trust him or that I don't love him, it is just that innocence in gone and I miss that.

I'll try to drop you a line when I get the chance.

BE HAPPY!!!

Cathy

Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
G
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,393
Thanks Cathy,
Yep NOW he realizes what is going on.He is very sad and lonely.He has come up with every reason why I should not divorce him,yesterday it was for insurance purposes.I said it is really sad to stay married just to have insurance.

I will always love him,and may question if I did the right thing I may never find the love I long for but I will never know if I dont try.

I had someone tell me once that I should divorce my H(after his A)and if he truly wanted me and loved me like he claims than he would have to work to get me back.It sounded silly at the time,now it makes sense.Now if my H wanted things to work,to be together he would be forced to do all the things anyone else would do to have a relationship with someone.

I'm not sure where my life will end up,but at least now I feel I have options.

Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,352 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5