Hi, this is my first time posting here but after reviewing this forum I realized I needed help and this may be the place to do so. I am 25 years old.I had been with my now-husband for about 9 months before tying the knot, which, I realize, wasn't a very long time at all. But I guess I figured that when you meet that special someone you need to act quickly before they disappear out of your life. About 2 months before I met my husband I got out of a psychologically abusive relationship with a chronic cheater. It ended after I miscarried our child a week after I caught him out in public with another woman when he was supposedly 'out of town'. And in MY car, no less.Needless to say I was so emotionally scarred that I had to resort to anti-depressants and weekly therapy sessions to survive. To this day I'm not sure why I put up with so much with him. I thought he was just the greatest catch back then, super good looking, great job. I felt like I didn't deserve him so I had to do everything in my power to keep him happy and overlook his 'indiscretions'. Fast forward 2 months...I met my husband after being coaxed by family to 'get out more'. What can I say about him. He was perfect, but honestly at the time I really wasn't feeling like being on the market. He was very respectful and kind. Sending flowers, surprising me at home with a day planned just for the two of us....Eventually, we offically began seeing each other. He met my family, would go to church every Sunday, but never once pressured me once to take the relationship any further, and I truely appreciated him for that. A few months later we decided to talk about what we wanted out of this relationship...Both him and I seemed to want the same things...Marriage, Family...A short while later he asked me to marry him...At the beginning of July he had some issues with his job(he subcontracts for roofing companies)His only option was to look for other employment asap so that we could have enough money for the wedding. Unfortunately, that other employment took him halfway across the country...That's when the problems started...I would fly out for a long weekend at least once a month and we could communicate every day by phone but it just wasn't enough. In his culture this happens quite frequently and he couldn't understand why I was having such a hard time with it...We changed the wedding plans and move the date closer...We decided to have a quickie wedding performed in Las Vegas during one of my visits out to see him...The stress of being at home alone was really taking a toll on me...I was a newlywed but felt more like a widow...To this day, I don;t know what it's like to live the 'married life'Night after night of nothing but lonliness...I would cry till I felt like I couldn't cry anymore...As far as financially, however, I was more than taken care of...I know he was doing this for me but how does that comfort you at night? A couple of months later I bumped into my ex that I hadn't seen in ages...He wanted to know how I was doing and what I had been up to...I very confidently said "married"...He seemed surprised but wished me luck anyway...A week later I received a call at home in the middle of the night, my ex, asking if I needed any company....God, why didn't I just hang up the phone that night? What's wrong with me?All I ever wanted was a little attention, and that's something I wasn't getting at the time from my husband..I'm a terrible person, and hate myself for what I've done but don't know what to do from here. How do you survive a long distance marriage? How to you keep your sanity knowing that there's no end in sight to the time you have to spend apart? I feel like our marriage is ending before it ever had a chance to get started....

Hello,

I am sorry for your pain. What a sad story. You should be enjoying your honeymoon period but sometimes due to financial reasons people have to be apart. Your ex boyfriend clearly has no respect for you and is a user. Your husband seems to respect and love you a great deal but I think you know this. I recommend a couple of things:
First, it is essential that you be upfront and honest with your husband about what you did. It is the least he deserves which is for you to show him the respect by being honest with him. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect your husband to be open and honest with you also? It will hurt your husband of course deeply but it is the only way to have recovery and honesty in your marriage. Otherwise, you are continually disrespecting him, yourself and your marriage. It will be a cancer within your relationship forever unless you will be honest. I think you know you need to do this.
Second, it is absolutely essential that you have no contact ever with your ex boyfriend for clearly he has shown you that to him you are nothing but a piece of meat.
Thirdly, discuss some type of counseling with your husband or by yourself. You desperately need to reconnect with your husband.
Fourthly, if you are not working there are so many volunteer projects like in schools that desperatrely need people. It will increase your self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

The bottom line is that your husband loved you enough to marry you. You need to show your love and respect to him by giving him the truth and allowing both of you to decide how you wish to proceed with this marriage. He deserves this and I think you know this also. I wish you luck.