My husband and I have been married for almost 16 years, and dated for 6 years before we got married. One month ago, after our two kids had gone to bed, he told me that he was leaving and needed to think. When I questioned him about it, he admitted that he'd been having an affair for almost a year. He said that they have an emotional connection (as well as sexual). He did say that he was not leaving me for her. He had some of our mail redirected to a P.O. box and had taken all the financial information with him when he left, to make things easier for me, he said.
I asked him out to dinner last week to tell him how I felt. I told him that I wanted to make our marriage work and that I saw my part in what made him turn to someone else. We both have been very busy with our jobs and have been much too focused on taking care of the kids, not much time left for just us. He told me that he was in love with her and felt nothing for me, not hate, not love, nothing. He wouldn't look me in the eye at all, because he was so ashamed when he looked at me, he said.
I asked him how he saw things turning out for us. He said he sees us getting divorced and sharing the children, although he has made no efforts to file divorce papers. I asked him if he would go to counseling with me. He said that he would, if I set it up, but that he didn't want to give me false hope. This is a man who would rather have a root canal than talk about his feelings, so I don't know if he was just trying to shut me up or if he would really be open to counseling.
After that evening, I spoke to my husband's brother, who has been checking in with me. He told me that my husband is torn apart with guilt and feels horrible that he is "killing" me.
I am so glad I have been lurking here. I read WAT's Guide to New Betrayed Spouses. What it said about the wayward spouse seeming to have been abducted by aliens is so true! My husband has always been a devoted family man, of high moral character. A month later, I still can't believe this really happened.
It is so hard to think that there may be any hope. I have loved this man for so long, even though we'd been going through a stressed time before he left.
Does anyone have any advice for me?
