He's been in a hotel a couple of weeks following my being informed by the OW about the A. Has plans to rent an apartment close to his office soon and wants to file for a D. What can I do re: Plan A if he's not around? <P>Also, I found a website on Passive Aggressive behavior and he fits the description pretty well. In view of that, should I alter Plan A? Not even try it? <P>He says he's been unhappy for a long time, but this is the first time he's mentioned it (classic PA behavior)-- following right after the second of two deaths in my family within a few months of each other. Also, he's playing the victim in all our problems (also classic PA) and says he wants children, now that I'm old enough for that to be risky (I'd pity any child he has if he doesn't change first). <P>Help!

Have you considered trying to fill out the EN questionnaires FOR him? If you are really true and honest with yourself, and think about what he would honestly and truly need, you might get a start from it.<P>It may take some time (beit weeks? not sure), to fill out HIS forms for him. It's obviously better if he were to do it himself, but I get the impression that there is no way he would. For you to do them, you'll have to do a LOT of thinking back to those 'little' conversations you and he have had over the years. It's absolutely amazing how much they do tell us, but we just don't get it, until it's too late (sigh!).<P>Once you've got an idea of what might be his EN's, maybe asking him over for dinner or something (to talk about anything not related to his A or your needs... I can't think of any examples, other than perhaps asking him to come over to talk about what material posessions he needs from the house, - I may get shunned for that one..grin - but it's something that will get him to you face to face). Once he's there, you can implement some of his EN's to him (within reason of course!... if one is sexual fulfillment, then I highly doubt it would be appropriate to jump him! lol).<P>That's only my opinion of course. I believe the other best way is to make an appt with the Harley's, and get their advice. After all, THEY truly know what to do! grin.<P>I hope this may have given you some ideas. Take care!<P>Karen<BR>

It is simple...<P>Commit no <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A><P>Figure out what are <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> to your spouce and never committ them....<P>That is simply what <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> is...<P>I hope I helped a little<P>Bill

PLEASE - give me the URL for that website on PA behaviour - sounds like my WH too! I'm in a similar situation - he's moved out and I don't know how to get those love deposits flowing when he's so emotionally distant. Every time I try to deposit something, he sees it as a love-buster instead - i.e. he sees me as being too clingy and my sending him little notes and cards is NOT appreciated (I don't think so anyway - I'm so confused!).<P>Thanks, Paint

Hi Paintbox...<BR>The URL for the PA site is <A HREF="http://www.passiveaggressive.homestead.com." TARGET=_blank>http://www.passiveaggressive.homestead.com.</A> It contains a lot of info. I've ordered some of the books on the site's reading list from my local public library. Couldn't hurt.