My wife is openly spending time with the OM. All of our friends have seen them together. She has told everyone that they are just friends, but she is staying at his house and driving his truck and wearing his shirts just like she did with me. She filed for divorce in Feb and has not pushed the issue for 3 weeks. I have two of our three kids and I tried Plan A when we were still living together. She said that it was only for 3 weeks and I said that I was had been changing since march. She said that she liked most of my changes. Then I was stupid and committed some LBs. I told her that I was sorry and that I loved her. When I would confront her about the OM she would leave and go to his house. I still used Plan A when she would come to our apartment. She has stated that it is over that she loves me but she is not is love with me anymore. The problem is that she would not go out with me or spend time with me and the kids. I told her that dating and spending time as a family would bring the happiness and the love back, but she would not listen. She has stated that I am to needy, and that she wants me to want her not need her. I aswell as my cousin told her that I missed the family and all of the things that married people do. Want should I do?

Do not appear needed...<P>Let her <B>see</B> by your actions that your are <B>strong</B>!<P>Keep on Plan A-ing as much as you can.<P>If necessary... some guidance from MB may help!<BR>I would recommend that you have a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> (~$120US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A> (888-639-1639)! Also check out the post <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008844.html" TARGET=_blank>looking for a counselor</A><P>Stay strong!<P> <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

NSR,<P> I try to appear strong infront of her, but she knows me to well. She knows that I love her and am willing to fix our family. I filed for custody for our two children and and looking at a new house. I just want my family back. She has told other people that if I was the last man on earth she would not come back. I still tell her that I love her and miss both her and my stepdaughter. She has been pushing me to get my own place from the begining. I and my children are currently living at my parents house. I would like to know why she wants me in my own place vice my parents house. I had to suck up my pride when I came to see the kids at her parents house. Do I keep on going with plan A or do I go to plan B?<BR>

INDY_357,<P>I'm a bit confused...<P>You say "I and my children are currently living at my parents house"... and then later... "I had to suck up my pride when I came to see the kids at her parents house".<P>Were the kids just visiting you ILs?... What's the situation there?<P>I'd suggest a well planned move back home to where your W and stepdaughter are living...<BR>..is this not possible?<P>Why are you filing for custody?<BR>Did you W file for divorce?<P>If at all possible... stay on the Plan A course...<P> <P>Jim

NSR,<P> Sorry about that. Let me start from the begining. In early Dec I had a very disturbing dream. I will tell you about that later. (I need your email address and I will tell you about it.) She said that she would never leave me that loved me. Well 30 days later she asked me to leave and I said no. The next day she took the kids and left why I was at work. She came to the apartment to pick up the kids the first weekend that she was gone and told me she wanted a divorce. She would come over constintly to see me, but wouldn't make any moves at all. I have tried to tell her how much I love her and the kids, and about the problems in the marriage. Three weeks ago we got she started to really talk or so I thought. I called to talk to the kids and she said that I need to talk to you. We got dinner together. She told me that she needed me to take our two kids, but not my stepdaughter. I told her I would take them in a minute. SHe said she wanted to wait for our son to get out of school. That weekend I picked them up for my visitaion and on sunday morning she called at 7:30 AM and said that she needed to talk to me. I arrived at her Parent's house that night and she jumped in the car and said that I needed to take them now. So I took them with me. I saw my lawyer and said that I was done hurting the kids and filed for a prelimiary hearing for custody of the kids as well as child support. The funny thing is that she has not pushed the divorce for almost three weeks. She came to my office today to pick up the kids and was 35 minutes late. She also drove the OM's truck, and wearing his shirt. When I asked her about why she was late she said there was a accident and she got caught in traffic. She said that she couldn't get to a pay phone. I asked her where the van was and she said that was none of my business. Our van was overheating. She is going to bring them home tonight. I don't know what will happen then.

Sorry I forgot to add she filed for divorce in Feb.

INDY_357,<P>Sounds like your W is soooooooo deep in the "fog".<P>You definitely sound like the responsible parent the children need to be with...<BR>...so whatever you can get from your W to the effect that she gives custody to you... get it (and get it in writing!!!)<P>This now has to be a "protection" issue...<BR>...and no matter how much it looks like you are LB-ing...<BR>...you must "protect" your kids!<P>I'm sorry this has happened to you...<BR>...but it isn't too far different from my story.<P>If you want to e-mail me... feel free...<BR>I'm at imherczeg@ivillage.com .<P>I do have to step out for a while... but will be back later this evening.<P> <P>Jim

NSR<P> Well she just dropped off the kids at my parents place and she drove the OM truck. How can she totaly disrespect me and my parents like that. What kind of a mother could do this to her children? I had to touch her tonight. My daughter was crying and I had to take her from my wife. I hope that this all works out the way I would like.

NSR,<P> Are you out there?