I've tried to read lostva's posts on working Plan A with H out of the house. There are so many........my head is spinning. I am ready to be loving, understanding and supportive but it soooooooo hard watching him throw his life away. When I threw him out Sunday night, he told me "I know I could never live with her." & "Now thats it's all out in the open it probably wont even be fun anymore." I am so terribly confused. I want to try and work plan A and be as loving and supportive as I can be but where do you draw the line? I mean how can you be all those things and then, together try and decide who gets what furniture? I want to be loving blah blah blah but I also feel I need to be firm and matter-of-fact at the same time. Is that possible? He comes over to the house tonight for a few hours between work and school to be the girls. Tonight I would like to start plan A but at the same time decide on a schedule for him to see the girls and decide who gets what couch. How do I do both?

I think you should decide for yourself what minimum requiremens you really have under which you would take him back. For example, are you ready to insist he put in for a transfer, what is your bottom line? Then spell it out for him calmly and with the greatest amount of love you can muster. "I really want to work this out, I love you and I don't want to see us throw it all away, and I miss you, but X, Y, and Z are things I absolutely have to have before I would be willing to see you move back in." You might suggest going to a good marriage counselor together starting now even if you are seperated.<P>Just a suggestion, but you might want to seriously reconsider throwing him out and dividing up the furniture, it's alot harder and the odds are against you if you are not living together to work it out. I know it's not easy, but if you were to plan A for a while while living together a good plan B if necessary to stop the affair is the last step recommended, and lots of times doesn't work. Call the Harley's to get some advice would also be a suggestion before tonite. I would hate to see you do something out of anger that will make things worse.<BR>