Well, I think things are going fairly well, so I guess I'll start a new thread. I got SAA and have read most of it, going to finish it today. I have a date (her word!) with my wife tomorrow. She's coming over and I'm making dinner. I was wondering what everyone thinks about giving her the book to read? I sent her a link to the website shortly after d-day, but she hasn't commented on it. The opening senario is very similar to what we are going through, and I think she'd get something out of it. She thinks that she's going through something unusual, and doesn't uderstand her confusion. But I don't want it to be an LB. I'm thinking, leave it laying around, and if she asks, give it to her? Or should I plan A my [censored] off some more and let her read it when/if she comes back? When is a good time to bring up MB, anyhow?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jrl:
<strong>I'm thinking, leave it laying around, and if she asks, give it to her? Or should I plan A my [censored] off some more and let her read it when/if she comes back? When is a good time to bring up MB, anyhow?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>jrl, It is too early, you should let it go and plan A'ng you butt off. You bring up MB whenever she is ready for recovery, for now just make her more confused by plan A'ng her.

O.K. then. That is what I'll do. Thanks!

Well our dinner date went pretty well. We had a really long talk. She's more confused than ever, which I take as a good sign. I think she realizes that it's mostly physical, and he isn't good for her. She was walking around the house looking at everything, and I know she was thinking how hard it would be to give it all up. I told her I didn't like or approve of what she was doing, but I would be there for her if/when she decides to come back. Either way, I think I'm feeling much better than I was about it all. I wish everyone a Happy New Year, and may we all find resolutions to our problems in the coming year.

Had another talk last night. She told me that in the back of her mind she knows it won't last. She doesn't trust him, and wouldn't want to get finacially involved with him, due to his gambling habits. She doesn't want to come back because she can't promise not to still see him, she thinks she could try, but not %100. She still has feelings for him (She notablly did not say she loved him, which she used to). She said she wakes up every morning thinks she should come home, but then she thinks of 10 reasons not to. She said he's a disease she just can't seem to shake. She can't imagine walking away from me and all we've built together. She can imagine walking away from him, he'll get over it. She still doesn't fully understand why she had an affair and why it got so intense.
I think she wants to come back, but doesn't know how to get here. I gave her the SAA book, and asked her to just start reading it, If she didn't like it she could put it down. She seemed very receptive to it. I hope she can find some answers in there like I did, and it helps her find her way home. It may have been a little early, but I think she was ready for it.

jrl,
Good work. One cautions, do not take her back unless she is agree to no contact and work on M. The path to recovery is very narrow and you have to do it right. Dig your trenches and let her get out of her fog on her own.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> ..., but then she thinks of 10 reasons not to. </strong><hr></blockquote>
did you ask what are they ?.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I think she wants to come back, but doesn't know how to get here. I gave her the SAA book, and asked her to just start reading it, If she didn't like it she could put it down. She seemed very receptive to it. I hope she can find some answers in there like I did, and it helps her find her way home. It may have been a little early, but I think she was ready for it.</strong><hr></blockquote>
Get her & you to consel with MB if she is willing.<p>I am happy that your new year start with some light.

redhat,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Good work. One cautions, do not take her back unless she is agree to no contact and work on M. The path to recovery is very narrow and you have to do it right. Dig your trenches and let her get out of her fog on her own. <hr></blockquote>

She doesn't belives she can avoid contact right now. She knows that is a requirment. She said that's why she moved out to begin with.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>did you ask what are they ?.<hr></blockquote><p>No, we got on a different subject. I think she was speaking figuratively, but I do plan to ask the next chance I get.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Get her & you to consel with MB if she is willing <hr></blockquote><p>I've suggested counseling, but she isn't comfortable with the idea.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I am happy that your new year start with some light.
<hr></blockquote><p>Thanks. It's a hard path to follow, but it's the right thing. I couldn't do it any other way.