Hi there was wondering if anyoe has any input on this I will be leaving here in a few weeks & my H femail friend is still living at the smae address as her H even tho they r seperated as we are now but living under the same roof.<p>This h of the friend told my H that they are trying 2 move on that the writing has been on the wall 4 them for yrs & he hopes that we will b ok, he is often up here laughing & chatting to my H & trying to interact me into the "jolly" conversations which i don't feel like doing.<p>My problem is that this chaps wife knew that my h & i weren't getting on & i asked her 2 back off to which she replied "you may stop us riding together but you will never stop us being friends" I am sure that her H doesn't know the half of this in fact i asked my h to go round 2 their place & tell them that i didnt want the W coming round here offering her sympathy cause as far as i was concerned she was part of the problem & the reason my H decided that if he couldnt have a femail friend then he wouldnt have a marriage! <p>Well my h decided 2 ring her instead & i know that she wont have told her h about this because she has never told her h stuff about this b4 (I had not said anything to her H about me being upset about the freindship until he said something to me about the amount of time they were spending together. I just dont get this why is h so happy about this seperation why is he being so friendly 2 my h when b4 he was ready 2 deck him one!<p>I thought about getting her up here or going to see her (i very nearly went into the surgery 2day/she is our district nurse but managed to stop myself as i wasn't sure she was on her own there.<p>My letter would read something like this:
I am writing to inform you that because of your continued friendship with my husband my marriage is now over.<p>I have tried to talk to you several times about this but with replys like "you may stop us riding together but you will never stop our friendship" I can see i was banging my head up against a brick wall.
When you stopped riding together so much my H turned against me, he told me that 6 months ago you & he had a discussion & decided that you were spending too much time with each other, it is a real shame that you couldn't see what the future ramifications of this would be & continued on regardless.
For my H to be in the hotel at 3am crying his eyes out to someone & for the barmaid to hear & see all of this was a very good way for the "gossip" as you may call it to get around town. Especially when the converstaion was about the fact that i wan't happy with the time that the 2 of you were spending together & this person said well C you have to decide whats most important your friend or your marriage. Well what has happened now speaks for itself I hope that you mangage to enjoy your continuing friendship with C & I hope that the pain & suffereing that you have caused to all the people around you was worth it in the end.

Wrungout, if you write the letter, do it for therapy only. It is not likely to be read. <p>I don't know your story as I only pop in occasionally anymore but do have a counselor? You need to process your feelings of anger--which you are more than entitled to--but you need to find some peace and strength to get through this difficult situation.<p>You need to figure out your own heart toward your H and if you are both willing, you have a lot of talking to do. <p>The best "revenge" is to cut this woman out of your life as far as possible..don't call her..please, please don't send your H to her--he is YOURS, not hers!<p>Hope you can help me understand a little better if I am on the right track and please know there are many here who will help. The best we can do is offer opinions from our own experiences and hindsight. You have the right and the choice to sift out what is true and helpful to you.<p>Bitterness is tempting, but not the answer. <p>Hope your M and your broken heart will heal.

Sadly my H is not interested in talking about this he wants to just forget about the past & move on by himself.<p>No i dont have a coucillor because we live in a very rural area it's not possible & the online relate one is down until mid July so thats no good.<p>You are right I do have an awful lot of anger & despair maybe i should just write it in a journal it's just so hard having to live with all of this , the sale of the farm & not knowing what the future holds for me, I will have some money to move on with but not sure which direction to move in our son has offered me to go & stay with him 4 a while, which i may do & i asked a friend where he lives if i could go & help her at her motel business & learn the ropes 2 c if that is what i would eventually like to do.<p>I had taken a house to rent in the village here but i do now feel that I need to be as far away from the memories to get over this or at least get some distance form my H & start a plan B. My full story is on the other post in this colum. Thanks for your input!

wrungout,<p>I just posted in the other section & suggested you post in GQ that you may get more traffic here.<p>After reading what you just wrote, What would happen if you did a 180? Stop doing what is not working and do something different. Act as if you are getting on with your life. There are a number of good ideas in Divorce Busting - there are books and a website. Check out the thread "JUST WANT TO CRY" - in just found out. There are some good references there to what I just mentioned.<p>Now, I really am going to bed - gotta get up early!!