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Joined: Feb 2002
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aanast -- I feel as if I should just write "ditto" to everything you said in your most recent post. Not ready to give up, but losing hope. Moving forward without quite moving on. Hearing from most people that I should file for a D.

The most bizarre part of your wife's behavior is that it appears that she has not actually filed the paperwork for a D and that she doesn't pitch a fit when you're around her family. Curious don't you think?

As it is the new year, I was reflecting on how much has changed for me over the past year, but that nothing much has changed for WH. I think if you looked back at the past year you would see how much stronger you have gotten since your first posts and how your WW is stuck in a holding pattern.

I do believe that at some point BS in our situations do lose their love, respect and patience for the WS over time. Sad.

I hope you are doing well in the other parts of your life (work, friends, etc).

Joined: Apr 2002
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she called me. turns out she did file/filed out paperwork but it was delayed because her attorney switched firms. it'll all be coming soon (all be over soon I hope.)

she is coming over to get a few remaining items, she wants to go over papers, switch titles on cars, list our assets and debts. i gotta make sure i talk to my attorney before signing/agreeing to anything.

i hope it is smooth, i don't want any more stress. i hope i don't get ripped off; she seemed to be talking very nit-picky about stuff (her lawyer told her so) trying to nickel and dime me to death or something. i just want to be fair.

as for the house, i was right, she wants her share of the moola by may so she can get her own place or start a business cuz her lease is up in june.

as for me, i have come a long way. there is a sense of loss and sadness still yes, but i don't need her and in many ways don't want her. we had something great, it is possible that we could have had something great again but as i've said it takes two to make it work. i've done all I can, i can look back and say that.

i've learned so much as well and i hope I can apply that to my future and future realtionships (god knows, i never want this to happen again! )

well the M is over (sure legally there are a few loose ends to tie up) but in all the important ways it is. it has been for quite some time, i just needed to process it (which for me meant denial, fighting it, fighting for it, losing hope, giving up, moving on, and accepting it.)

obviously, no one knows what the future holds. i'm a man who thinks of all possibilities, all unrealized realities. anything can happen sure.

but i'm dealing with what it happening now, what life is now. I'm happy. I can actually say that. It has been a long, long time. I will be happy and continue on my road of success.

If anything changes in which I feel the need to update, vent, proclaim, explain, question, answer, or whatever, I will write again.

But for now, thank you to all of you who have given me advice, listened, written, etc. Reading your stories here have helped me in many ways. Your comments have been appreciated. I especially want to that you, unsureheart, for all you have done. I cannot put into words how helpful and comforting you have been. You are a strong, loving woman. You deserve nothing but the best, remember that. I wish you good fortune in all you do, whatever happens. Thank you.

"I'm in recovery...by myself." It is a tag I've seen on some people's posts and I used to think that it was bad and I would no matter what be in recovery with my W in my M. It doesn't look like that it how it turned out and so life goes on. I go on.

This is not goodbye. This is thank you.

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aanast -- None of us can really predict the future, but I can say with strength of conviction that no matter what happens you are going to be okay and that you are going to thrive.

I still believe that it ain't over 'til it's over and you never know what is going to happen in the course of your WW pursuing a D. That is not to say that you should cling to hope that your M will be restored, but that you should still have hope. There is a difference and I think you understand that now and are living that difference.

I do hope you post again because I would like to know how you are doing and how your WW is doing. I believe from everything that you're posted that this was her rebellion and that she is confused. She may have needed to go through this independence to test herself and one day she will understand that it is possible for a person to change and grow and that you have done that.

Here is my update. WH has actually made an appointment with the therapist. I have more hope than I did several weeks ago, but I know that our M is still hanging by a thread. I think I need to go through some type of counseling with him even if our M cannot be restored -- I need it for our friendship to be restored (if that is possible). unsure update

I will check back here periodically to see how you are - I am thankful for all of your support too. God bless.

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aanst

I am sorry to hear about your story, alas, mine is the same. My H revealed to me that he is in an EA with a coworker. D-day was Oct 12th, he was going to move out, had had it with our marriage and admitted ONS. I told him I wanted to work it out and still loved him. I thought We were getting closer in 4 months than we had in years. Then the other bomb was dropped about EA with co-worker. Our marriage has been a mess for the last 4 years. We started out very much in love and things went from bad to worse after my 2nd son was born. He was not meeting my EN and in turn I started pushing him away. I blame myself for my behavior, but in reflection, know why it happened, it takes two to tango. I spoke with H last night and he is very confused, co-worker has a room for him to rent (how nice since she herself is divored and went thorough same.) I am still hopeful, he does not want to leave the 2 wonderful kids we have. He knows that I need to know asap what is happening, it is driving me crazy! I have found solace in knowing that what I am doing is the right thing no matter what, I love him deeply and dont want to lose him but I also cant control him. He is very comforting when I do have my bad days and break down and cry, but on the other hand he is "tired of talking about it", (even though when I am not talking about it he brings it up). It is like Dr. Jekyll, Hyde-and is VERY HARD to deal with to say the least. I dont know if he can stay with us. He was talking about his own "space" so I have no idea what is happening. I too am trying to show him that I am ready to meet all EN's and I know that this marriage could be rock solid if we could see this through. I have also lost weight but I am improving myself for me. This is without a doubt one of the worst situations a person could ever have to go through, take it day by day as best as you can, try to stay positive (HARD), and put faith in God. Good luck.

me-BS
married 4/22/88
2 children
1998 things start going downhill
2002-WH still trying to get me out of fog, I am not listening
10/02-WH tired wants out, admits ONS
01/03-WH admits EA with Co-worker

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aanast -- I know you're not posting much anymore, but I hope you check in and let us know how you are doing. I hope well.

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