Oh well, can't say that I'm surprised by her behavior. She is after all like a drug addict who won't give up her favorite drug (OM).

When you go to plan B, you stop enabling her addiction and she gets scared and comes crying to you and telling you how sorry she is and how much she loves you. Unfortunately, before she can prove, with deeds, that she is serious about rebuilding the M, you drop plan B and switch to plan A. She then feels secure enough that she's got you once more in the palm of her hand, and continues with her A. Well now you know why taking the word of a liar before getting proof is a bad idea.

Even if your divorce were to be finalized tomorrow morning, she will still try to play this little game of hers with you and OM. The question is will you let yourself get sucked in to her sick game again and again? Only you can answer this.

For what it's worth, you do sound stronger than in previous posts.

Don't be a stranger and keep us updated on your situation.

Good luck and God bless.

tjs ...

Sorry to hear that but one thing you know ... you had given your absolute best, time to move on and wrap thing up. I did the same w/ my WW. I have no contact w/ WW, full steam ahead and don't even miss her a beat no more. Down the road you could tell her that you had given her every single chance.

How is your job search ?.

-RH-

Dear TJS,

I am sorry things are still on that darn A roller coaster for you and your children. See? She is still very much in the fog. Her moments of sanity are far and few inbetween.

TJS, let her know that you will deal with her when she is sane but when she is disrespectful as last stated then you will have to seek other options (don't tell her what they are). Let those you can know that due to her chosen association with the OM, she wished you dead.

Now you go and protect you and your children's rights. Let your lawyer know that her irrational behavior does not make a safe environment for you and your family and you need safe options.

This is a hard time for you but you have been through this before and I sense that you are plain tired of going on this ride. You choose to get off.

Even if she should show signs of turning around, don't be quick to settle for little scraps of affection. Let her know that while she 'might' be welcomed back, it is up to her to show her worth. Remind her of words that made you not feel safe. That way she is dealing with her words not yours. You'd be surprised how the WS have that knack for twisting our well intended words.

take care,
L.

coffeeguy
yes, i feel much stronger this time around. i'm not so sure if she's gonna try this again for a while. she got the letter for our custody yesterday, and she was pipin hot. she told me she's gonna try to dig up anything and everything she can on me for court. i'm sure that she and her dream man have cooked up plenty of lies about me. she's in the fog deeper that ever before. she also told me she's going to take my oldest boy back. well, he refuses to live with her.. especially while she lives w/ OM. she's getting that slap in the face of reality.. and she's gonna end up with nothing.... nothing but OM. she says he's worth it... we will see.

Redhat-
well, it looks like you might agree to finally give up. when i hear this from you, the eternal optimist, i feel comforted knowing that i'm doing the right thing. i don't think anyone could say that i didn't give it my best shot. you encouraged me at times i didn't think i could continue. but, unfortunately, she seems to be a lost cause. now my concentration is on my boys and getting them back.

she has moved the boys 3 times in 6 weeks, put them in 3 different schools, and took them out of school for 3 weeks. she's unstable and irrational, and i'm not gonna let her drag my boys through the mud while she tries to wander through life blindfolded. my attorney says that i have an 'excellent' case. its sad that our court date is the day after her b-day. she also has a warrant out for her due to bad checks. when she loses the boys in court that day to me, she's going to be hauled off to jail. and to make things worse for her, her attorney tried to withdraw from this case cuz she wasn't paying him anything. well, he went to court for that last week and the judge denied him. so, now she has an angry attorney that knows he's not gonna get paid. she's in for a ride...

Orchid-
hey, its been a long time since i heard from you. and, as always, your comments and advice is always welcome.

its funny how you wrote about her twisting my words.... but it even funnier that she twists her own words to suit her mood. she has done this several times, and yesterday was probably the worst. when she called me, i mentioned a few things she told me previously. well of course, she denied saying them and tried to change the things she said before. then told me i never listen to her. well, honey, your twisted little mind is gasping for air. tell me anything you want, but i know the truth - but if it makes you feel better about yourself....

so, here ends a long and tiresome chapter and a new chapter begins. it certainly cannot be any worse than it has been. i'm ready to go full steam ahead with no regrets... and thats the way it should be.

i think i'm gonna start a new thread in the divorced forum. hope to hear from you all again. and you know... it would be nice to hear about things going on in your life as well. maybe you can fill me in, or tell me where your current thread is posted if you have one currently.

god bless you coffeeguy, redhat and orchid. you are great friends.

tjs

TJS:

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Look, I'm very sorry for all this hurt you've experienced. I'm also very sad for your WW. She seems at times 2 be desparately grasping for... ...and that's the problem, she has no clue what it is that she needs. So instead, she's falling back 2 the immitation love that her OM gives her. Now that reality is going 2 hit her full force, I can only wonder just how long OM will be willing 2 keep up the facade? Not long, I bet.

It's very sad that your WW can't find "her way". Until she does, unhappiness is probably the only thing anyone can guarantee her.

Take care, TJS. Love your kids, love yourself, and yes, even love your W from a distance, just don't expect anything in return and you won't be hurt anymore.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She has moved the boys 3 times in 6 weeks, put them in 3 different schools, and took them out of school for 3 weeks. she's unstable and irrational, and i'm not gonna let her drag my boys through the mud while she tries to wander through life blindfolded. My attorney says that i have an 'excellent' case.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Even though your WW did not have multiple A's like my xWW, her behavior is so similarly out of control that it looks like you too have an excellent chance of obtaining custody of your kids (I have physical custody of my two girls). Just make sure your attorney knows that you want him/her to go for your WW's jugular in your custody fight. For your kids sake, no legal mercy to this woman inhabiting the body of your long gone loving wife.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Its sad that our court date is the day after her b-day. she also has a warrant out for her due to bad checks. when she loses the boys in court that day to me, she's going to be hauled off to jail. and to make things worse for her, her attorney tried to withdraw from this case cuz she wasn't paying him anything. well, he went to court for that last week and the judge denied him. so, now she has an angry attorney that knows he's not gonna get paid. she's in for a ride...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Boy is that last one an understatement. If you read my story, you'll see that it took my xWW a divorce and losing custody of our daughters to finally start turning her life around. If your WW loses custody of your boys, gets arrested and serves time for writting bad checks, OM will have to assume all responsability for her and this means that he's going to have to spend plenty of money on her. How long do you think OM's fantasy will survive under those circumstances? What are the chances that he will be waiting for her with open arms once she's released from jail? Your stbxWW will crash and burn just like my xWW, just stick around and watch the fireworks.

The main thing is you gave your best. I was concern about you since I detected slight "uncertainty" on your post. I wanted you to explore that possiblity for you to put a final closure on her. Yes, when WW is on her deep fog, anything is possible. I just got a report that OM bought a coke & went into restroom w/ my WW !!!. She was working at non profit in Drugs & Tobacco Control & big advocate of no smoking. Go figure.

-rh-