Well I new that one day someone would tell me this but it wasn't what i wanted to hear! & am very upset, shaking & can't eat my dinner...just got home from work & there was a message to ring my son (he's 27) He said dad phoned 2day & said he's coming up here for the weekend but he won't be staying with me, son said he asked his dad why & he said because he was bringing someone with him so he would get a motel!!! Son was very upset & said do you know about this I replied that I thought he was staying with you I'm not sure whats going on but i have my suspicions!son said well he hasn't waited very long to which i replied well my guess is that it's been going on a while & they think that now we are seperated it's ok to come out in the open. Son said well he's not staying here & when we come down we are not staying with him we will stay with you.. I just feel so sick to my stomach I knew i was right all along how could he do this to us all, he has already lost our younger son because of this.. Please someone help me stay on the straight & narrow I can't get an appointment with Steve Harley until 5th August..I'm off outside 4 a smoke to calm my nerves.....

I'm so sorry for this revelation! I really don't know what to say other than I know and feel your pain and anxiety.

Please take care of yourself and try to relax!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

wrungout,

When they are in the fog ... nothing we could do. Take care yourself ... get your support system in line, talk to someone ... avoid to call your H and don't LB'ed. Don't H know that you get this info from your son. i.e. make it safe for your kids to talk to you. Focus on them for now. H will loose your son and the most damaging is what he teach your son in term of relationship. Some female MBer might willing to talk to you if you have no one ... email them personally ...

The bright side of this A is out in the open ... that is one of the requirement to test their fantasy.

-RH-

<small>[ July 24, 2002, 12:14 PM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Hey guys thanks for your encouragement!
As I said I knew this would eventualy surface but didn't expect H to do this to his son! He always stays with him & his partner when he visits that town. My guess is that they are going up there to break the news (of this new relationshp! to her kids & our son of course we all know that there is nothing new about this at all! but thats what they will be trying to get people to think) I think I actually felt a little bit relieved when son told me this news, I realsise i wasn't imagining things after all & giving H the benifit of the doubt...
I wonder if they have decided to bring it out in the open now because I have been so nice to H NO lb at all & told him I missed H (advise of Steve Harley) my guess is that h thinks that this will tip me over the edge & that I will be LB him left right & centre when in fact the opposite is true i will b nice as pie. One question though if son tips up at his dad H will think it's been my influence 4 sure which its not, i just kept saying to son i'm sorry he said u have nothing to be sorry about why do you say that he then said dad has lied! H said to son we will probably stay in a motel (probably a mutual friends motel!! wonder what they will think about that!! when they turn up) my guess is that would be because H knows that would get straight back to me & the whole village, again he's too weak to tell me himself just like he was too weak to come out & tell our son I do wonder tho if his "excuse to come & borrow a bed from me this week was because he was going to tell me but didn't have the guts to cause I was laughing & joking with him & acting happy! Then again this could be a totally different OW he is taking with him time will tell......A question I have if H meets up with son & they have a row I know I will be recieving a text message telling me what a ***** i am do i reoly or just ignore??? I know it will really upset H if son falls out with him cause when we seperated he said Son understood & wouldn't take sides!!! Our other son won't even talk to his dad so he's lost the respect of one already & I don't know what the reaction will be when OW tells her kids OW son is 15yrs old & at boarding school in the town they are going to stay in which is why i think they must be going up there. This kid is a bit of a rascal & I can see this tipping him over the edge big time but then again thats not my problem eh...Thanks again will let ya know what happens next.... I'm off to the gym to hit the punching bag!!

wrungout,

Same thing ... rule of engagement ... do nothing to retaliate or LB'ed or to interfere ... sit back, mind your own business and watch them. When pager went off ... turn it off and clear the message. Avoid any trigger that cause LB or emotional 'coaster for you.

Take care -RH-

Ok so I go to the gym at 7am H truck is not home (it was dark here then)& back home at 7.30am & H truck is parked outside OW house so it's obvious he spends the nites there (lucky boy!!) Felt sad as the school bus drove by & OW daughter who is 13 would have been on it she must be living with her father at the moment! So yes it's confirmed & yes I do feel like a bag of ****!!!@##
Oh well must go to work & try & concentrate on something else!
Thanks for the tip on the text message redhat!

wrungout,

Snooping is a must but only to confirm how your plan A works ... not for torturing yourself. You know where H is ... leave them alone, no LB and don't snoop again unless you have to confirm something. Othewise there is nothing faster to drained your LB$ than see or hear the situation yourself. Stop chasing your H and leave him alone. Plan A is about you ... and any information gather by snooping you should never use it against your H. I know how you feel ... been there too many times :mad . -RH-

Well thanks for everyones input to my post!! Am feeling a bit better 2nite. I just wish that I could get an earlier appt with Steve Harley as I feel that right now I need to talk with him might email & see if they have another appointment available. Came home had a glass of wine with my dinner & sons partner phoned me so I poured my guuts out to her, they make such a neat couple & I'm so sorry for the pain that they are going through because of all of this everybodys world has been turned upside down. Talked to son 2nite & he had been talking to H he told son that they were just friends but now it was something more WHAT UTTER BULL****!! Son said to H I hope you are not lying to me, I'm afraid that my reply to son was well wouldn't you lie you would hardly tell the truth would you because H history shows he's just not capable of that...Well must get to bed & get some rest had a bad sleep last nite (well if you could call it sleep!)

wrungout,

Get busy ... really !, I think you are familiar w/ Forgiver & Sea Horse's post ... they are stronger now by exploring new activity, even outside their comfort zone. It is too bad that their H are still in the fog. This A has messed up your M, don't let this A consume you too. ...

Take care -RH-

Hey you guys! thanks so much for keeping me honest & on the straight & narrow.
I have one question (well ya know me it could turn into 3 questions!) hee hee
This is the rundown advice appreciated
Anyway this week my son rang me & said dad is coming up here & said he wouldn't be staying with him as he was bringing someone else with him they would be staying at a motel I immediately said well we know who that is don't we. son waited a couple of days & rang his father back & asked what was going on why was he staying in a motel & who was he bringing H said he was bringing OW that it had always just been a friendship but was a bit more than that now.... By the way the holiday that H went on was with her also. New stuff is coming out all the time & I feel sick to my stomach.
Anyway my question is H hasn't actually said anything to me about how he is with her now what on earth am i going to say if he does??? Do i bring it up???I don't know what to say if he does & tells me to just get over it that he is with her now I am terrified of saying the wrong thing to him. Can you give me some advice on this. I don't want to stuff up now I've actually got him not hating me & actually having a wee bit of contact I am scared that if i don't talk H will think he has one over me but if i do it will be the wrong thing that comes out. He may have planned on telling me last week when he came up to borrow something & I made him a coffee he was here for about 30mins & I just acted very happy & that probably made it hard for him to tell me.
This weekend is a huge sporting event here & I don't know if he will be with her, I will be going to this event, do i go up to him & say hi & ignore her or just drink with our friends & just give h a smile & leave it at that he also could well be there on his own or he may not be there at all. H (this is the guy that told me he doesn't discuss anything with anyone else cause it's non of their business) rang a mutual friend of ours that is in the town he is in with OW this weekend (this guys wife told me this news I didnt ask she volunteered it) H told this guy that he stays the night at her place & she chucks him out at all hours of the night (I guess she has her position in the community to think about) that he was spending heaps of money & that OW wouldn't even go into the shop that i was working in (lucky for her she can shop elsewhere). The friend also said that her H wouldn't tell her the rest of the stuff H said, she said its caused a rift between her & her H becuse this guy thinks it's ok what H is doing & she said she will never talk to the woman again! H also asked this guy whos a builder when he's finished H work would he go & fix OW leaking roof FOR FREE!!! friend is really upset about this & I said I would b upset if her H fixed the roof, but yesterday i decided that it wouldnt bother me so I wrote her & said not to let it cause problems between her & her H that they had been great friends to me & I wanted it to stay that way. This will 4 sure eventually get back to H.
He also asked our son if i was enjoying my job & had they heard from me they said they had but didnt say when & that yes i was enjoying my job, I had a coffee with H a couple of days before & made a point of telling him how much i was enjoying my job, I am thinking that they are hoping like hell that this news will tip me up & that I will leave town & give them the opportunity to get out & about in the community. Anyway sorry to have rambled on for so long I just need this wee bit of urgent advise. By the way OW husband has got himself another woman now also...Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire eh but then again OW H could have had this OW b4 he seperated from his W also...BYEEEEEE just been to the gym & feel good about that but hey why do we have so many highs & lows???