I am new here but i had to join I am reading the book love busters and as I was reading I was wondering if there was a sight so i searched, and I am here I am trying to see if my marriage is gonna make it, as I was reading I found myself to be the one with angry outbursts , and I have no idea why, well I have a few but before I begin my story I just wanted to write a little something to see how everyone was with one another here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You will find a lot of support here. Browse through some other posts and you will see what I'm talking about. This is where I come to keep my sanity.

tjs

Thanks, I am so heart broken right now I do not know what to do I have not slept so much is going on I was up at 2 am writing a letter to my aunt I am so confused well I'll edit the letter and paste it so u can read it and maybe someone has been there and has some words of wisdom for me <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am new here and I was going to wait before I wrote like this but i am lost!
Well I just was writing to ask for prayer, I am once again in a loveless marriage, He says he loves me but yet feels trapped here He says he is just here to be here, Gee thanks! He wants to get a place of his own, He SAYS there is no other woman we haven't slept together in about 2 weeks but other then that I don't have any other signs of another woman he is distant now well he is just unhappy here, what the hell is wrong with me?My first husband wanted to leave me then in the end he wanted to try to work things out so he said then he was killed I was left with 2 kids to raise Now F my husband whom we grew up together wants to leave me he is like when we weren't living together I miss that coming over at night and seeing u calling u come on whatever, I am to a point where I have nothing left in me to fight! I am terrified of him leaving only cause my heart will be broken I know I can make it alone I'll never really be alone I have the lord with me It's just my heart I feel so much pain right now I love this man with all my heart! I don't understand what is wrong with me! I feel so unloved so miserable so ugh man I have been there when no one else believed in him! I have stuck by his side I have been nothing but faithful these 5 years when he hasn't I stuck by him when his own parents didn't want to! And this is what I get in return How he is just here to be here! He says it has nothing to do with me he is crazy! No we haven't been in church for like a month it is So far and the people seem so distant My pastor is great I just feel the people are so distant, I don't even know where to begin looking here in Stafford I have but the churches have put me to sleep, I hadn't prayed in awhile either,He was saved in 97 but now he says God where ishe now? Coming from a man who when he prayed I felt the spirit of God! Any way we got into a huge fight the other day and he wanted to leave I was shocked I cried I said I would hate him he sad he will stay 2 more years to see how it goes whatever I was like forget that how about 6 mths, he was like fine! Well on top of that the last 4 days I have been leaving him little cards here and there and he is like Oh thank you,I have been reading the word again I have been praying something we haven't done in MONTHS! Then today monday an old friend from highschool called and they start reminiscing,the guy is about to get married has 2 kids it's not like he is single but anyway he comes home and I am like what's up? he didn't want to say but he looked sad I thought he had a bad day NOOO he says u don't want to hear what I have to say u r not going to like it! Then I was like what baby what's up DUM ME!!!!!!!!Well that is when he says all this crap about he feels trapped he feels he really didn't think about things he feels he went from his mom to me and never had time on his own he feels he is just here to be here but he really doesn't want to be here! I had promised I wasn't going to say anything since i always respond in an angry outburst so I didn't I went to the bathroom and cried my heart to God I wonder if he heard??????????
Anyway, we go to bed and I said something then he said go ahead speak so I told him how hurt I was and guess what his response was "I told you you weren't going to like what I had to say" He is so cold hearted now I don't know what has happened to him, I believed the stories he told me on how much he loves me on how we are going to get a house, HA HA HA the joke is on me!He came into my life loved my 2 kids now him an my oldest but heads though We even have a 2 year old now what do I do? I feel like there is nothing left for me to do I know I have to trust God but I am scared that what if God wants this, What if he want us not to be together? I can live with out him but I don't want to as hurt as I am right now I still and always will love him although I HATE HIM At the moment for being so cold to me right now it was 2 am and I came out here crying what is he doing sleeping with no care at all! Is there hope? Man I don't think so, Oh my gosh now I have to move I can't afford this rent alone! Why is this happening to me ? Is God that mad at me for abandoning him? Oh my heart hurts!!!!!! Should I just move on and set him free? Man how easy for him but who is left all the time with the kids and the responsibility ME! UGHH I am sooo pissed! I want to drive and drive and drive and let the car take me I want to break something I want to scream I want to....... well let me not go there !
I hate my life! I wish I could run away!! and never look back on anything but reality is I can't I have 3 kids 1 who miss behaves to a point I don't want to look at him, a husband who doesn't want to be here, and I am a nobody who watches kids for a living I have accomplished dodo! Well sorry I laid this on you! I am trying to keep myself from stepping foot out of this house and do something I may regret. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hey, faith4love... take a deep breath. That was the longest 6 sentences I've ever read. It was kinda tough to understand w/out puncuation marks. But I did understand. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hang in there... I think you should contact your doctor to get on some antidepressants. If you're just venting, okay... but if you feel like this all the time, consider it.

I just wrote a huge reply to your letter, but when I tried to post it, I got a message telling me that I used too many "instant faces", and lost it all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Sorry... I really feel your pain. But don't give up! You are here at this MB website because you want to save your marriage... and you can.

Start at the beginning of this MB website, and start reading. Read and learn how you can save your marriage.

I will rewrite my reply tomorrow, but I would like to say a few things. First, know that you have not been meeting his needs. I'm not saying that this is all your fault. But I read many times that you were "Love Busting" . You need to learn about Love Busters, and avoid them at all cost. Show him that you love him, and try to meet as many ENs as you can. Print out the EN questionaire from this website and see if he will fill it out. You do the same, and share them w/ each other. Learn which of his needs you have not met.

And continue to pray. God does listen. Ask your H if you cab pray w/ him. Tell him that you pray for him... and for your marriage. Let him know that you are protecting your marriage through God, and trying to save it.

Believe me, there are plenty of things you can do to save your marriage. Many marriages were far past the stage of your marriage, and have recovered. Have faith and find hope... that's what MBs has to offer. So read, learn and act. You have a very good chance to saving your marriage. But you must work at it. It's your choice.

I will write more tomorrow... but keep your chin up. Nothing is gone yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

tjs

Well I followed my instinct last night and found out he seeing a co-worker of his that is it! I guarentee she is gonna pay and then him BYE! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

If you don't give a damn anymore about him or your kids, or yourself for that matter, then by all means go ahead and do something extremely stupid like physically attacking her and then him. If you go to jail for seriously injuring your spouse and OW, I'm sure the judge will be very lenient with you and all of your tearful 'I'm so sorry'. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR VIOLENT BEHAVIOR.

If you've confirmed that your H is having an A with a co-worker, then you need to do some serious soul searching and find out if you want to continue to be married. If you decide that you don't, then start by contacting an attorney and start the divorce proceedings. But if you want to fight to save your M, then I suggest that you start counseling (even if he doesn't want to go) and read as much as you can on the subject of infidelity by getting your hands on books like 'Surviving an Affair''His Needs Her Needs''Love Busters'(which you already have started reading).

No matter what you decide, you have a child by him, you owe it to him/her to develop a civil and working relationship with him.

This is a great place to vent and it is much healthier to do it here than it is to do it at home with your H and children.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE faith4love, all of us have gone thru the pain that you are experiencing and no matter what the outcome of our M's, we've become better people by using our collective heads and the MB principles in our lives, and so can you.

I'm sorry to read your latest update. It answers some questions that you were wondering. Finding out your spouse is having an affair is extremely painful. But you are not alone. Everyone that posts here is/has gone through this terrible ordeal. It is time for you to decide if you want to try an salvage your marriage or not. You may need a few days to decide after you have calmed down. But you need to prepare a plan and implement it.

Just don't do anything foolish. You will regret it later. You need to calm yourself down, and use MB as a release to vent your anger, pain and frustrations. We are here for you, faith4love. Lean on us as much as you need to.

tjs

Hi all, Ok I know that from my first post I have been NUTTY! I have allowed satan to take over me and my family I had my eyes shut to the whole thing.Although I had been reading,I wasn't trully taking anything in although I had been praying i wasn't trusting God to handle the situation, I allowed the ENEMY to lead me I went where my husband was which was the Gym and well I know him very well he doesn't go anywhere alone, and he hasn't been to the gym in 2 years! So I went and he was there with another women a co-worker at that no she doesn't live around he it wasn't a coincident BUT All I saw was them talking I don't care what could have or what didn't or did happen I knew his intentions any that night I din't hurt her or him like I wanted to but instead like an idiot I went to hurt myself taking to many of this or that saying i had a headace, Well he stood by while I got sick still wanting to leave me but looking lost when he said it again was my eyes on CHRIST Nope! I woke up yesterday wanting plannig that that night since he was off he could stay home and I go to his job wait for her to come out and well do some STUPID things well that was my plan but God had something else for me,I called a friend to remind him to call my H I had left a message on the machine anyway his wife called ME I hardly talk to her and well she ended up showing me things i didn't even see, She said things that I nkow God was talking to me! She was saying that I have a habbit of talking to him in a hurtfull way that I give him attitude that I argue to much ow I was thinking how she knows this she is never here BUT she was right, I was in tears cause I was able to see my wrongs not just his, well then she invited me to church me HA I was like still debating on going to beat this chick, Well My H had saw me crying and he was like who was that on the phone who made u cry what is going on,meanwhile I was like what do u care Anyway I told him then I had mentioned some of things she said and well he broke down in tears telling me that I have hurt him so bad with always telling him whenever we argue for him to go or well u nkow where the door is or You are scared to leave you have no where to go He said I have said it soo much that if I said it again he was gonna go, He said it pained him to be around his parents cause he wanted a marriage like there's that in all the years he was there with them not once did his mom talk to his dad like that mind u there are not saved,WELL was I schocked I NEVER ever thought I hurt him like that I guess i always thought he didn't hurt he always acted like nothing bothered him , anyway he was lik go go to church and tell me how it went so I can tell u everything negatvie about it he was like see God is still pulling for you, Not me I well where is God now ! That was him saying that I was heartbroken I mean I never ever ever knew he felt like that,I told him I know my words have been awful and nothing I can say will fix this It is my actions that will show I care, well he was like YEAH right I know u u can't be a virtuous women I have tapes on that and he was like what happened u hear them and do nothing u like to argue etc,etc HE was right so what did I do I went to church It was a nice service but I got out in time where if I wanted ot go to the JOB I could, I called i knew she was there, BUT Hello how am I trusting GOD but yet taking matters into my own hands OK so I was going home we were talking on the phone and well he was like we can try again, And when I got home he ripped up the application to that apartment, I have said and done some HORRIBLE stuff this past few days and I pray that by the Grace of GOD I can make this up to him, Iw ant to be that proverbs 31 women to my husband I want to shut up when I am supposed to,Please keep me in prayer This is going to be an interesting Journey but this is something God has been trying to deal with me with for awhile and unfortunetly it took this! But in the name of Jesus I have the victory over my marriage, I am a virtuous women! In Jesus name praise GOD for all my support thank You all,And I will keep posting cause I know I can't get side tracked and you are all a good support group THANKS! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi all!

Stress! What a GREAT TOPIC! I have TONS of it, since d-day where we immediately went to Plan A we have had many ups and down to say the least, while there has been no contact with OM and WW has no desire to contact the OM etc... we have yet to do a NC letter which may or may not be needed in this particular case. However there is also the issue of MUCH THIRD PARTY CONTAMINATION in our marriage thanks to some "well meaning" in-laws who know how to put the "fun" in dysfunction as well as behavior of the kids who have been a major source of our marital difficulties to say the least! I am very eager to work things out between the wife and me, but I am fully prepared to execute Plan B and remove myself from the entire situation if need be.

Through the past few months I have seriously entertained going Plan B not so much because of the ONS but due to all the aggravating factors that led up to it, but the thing that stops me is I am not one to refuse a person that is dying of thirst a glass of water.

At some point I am gonna have to put together all of my feelings regarding my in-laws and the aggravation that they have caused in our marriage and let the chips fall where they may. I truly expect that it will definitely brand me as an outcast in their eyes and I personally could care less, however there is a great risk that it could kill the marriage and if that is the case then maybe that is what is meant to be even though I think that my wife would probably be better off without them period, it is not my place to make her shut them out of her life completely, that is something she would have to decide all on her own. I know if it was my family meddling in my marriage to the extent that my inlaws have, I would have told every damn one of them to go straight to hell and they know it perfectly well so they go to great lengths NOT to get too involved other than a general overview of what is going on. My family probably knows perhaps One-tenth of what has transpired while my in-laws know EVERYTHING!!! My wife has learned now that she gave them WAY TOO MUCH INFORMATION TO SAY THE LEAST

So now I need to put things together in black and white where everything in this marriage is concerned and let the inlaws know right where they all stand with me. I just have to remember to do it without sinning in the process!!!!

God Bless!!!!
Neal

Hi I hope all works for you, as for me well my Hubby left On Nov 2nd, It's been a month and I am dying INSIDE! I love him with all my heart! He is living with her, she has 2 kids and just left her husband That's smart of him, Well I am HURT, MAD, Ect... I am trying to maintain and be strong for the kids, I am just at a point I want to I wish the lord would take me NOW!!!!!!!!!
Well hope your holidays were nice
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />