Hi. I've been lurking lately and have been wondering about the "showing the changes" part of Plan A (specifically for my situation.) I'm curious what everyone/anyone thinks but especially redhat because of the madman posting everywhere with some great advice so I'm going to be greedy and ask for some too.

My WW has said she's seen some changes (my being more thoughtful, spending more time with her family) but she says they are fake. I'm hoping that over time she will see that the changes are real, so I will keep up with Plan A.

The more important changes I want to show her have to do with me giving her attention/affection more often/daily when she lived with me. I can't show her those changes because
a) she has her own apartment and we rarely see each other and
b) she won't let me anyway.

My question: Is there anything else I can do?

I'm thinking no (or I'd be doing it) but just wanted to see what everyone else thinks.

My other question: Should I pursue her a bit so she can see the changes more often?

Keep in mind that I rarely see/speak with her (contact is about 1-2 weeks). However, the last few times we saw each other/communicated was about 3 times in one week. I think that was too much for her (or OM?) and as a result she started talking about divorce and may have filed.

I'm thinking that I should not pursue her because that will just push her towards a divorce. Instead I'm thinking I should just be patient and wait for A to die a natural death (hopefully before a divorce.)

FYI, Here is a link to my (story) more recent postings:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=30;t=001238;p=9

Hi Aanast2,

I just replied to your other thread. I am sorry you are in this situation. The confusion though is not yours. Realize where could the real issues.

Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. Also make sure you have proper legal representation.

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by aanast2:
<strong>Hi. I've been lurking lately and have been wondering about the "showing the changes" part of Plan A (specifically for my situation.) I'm curious what everyone/anyone thinks but especially redhat because of the madman posting everywhere with some great advice so I'm going to be greedy and ask for some too.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is the first time someone called me the "madman". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . I saw Orchid gave you a great advice already. I don't lurk every post, only picked a few and reply to a few of them. I don't have bandwitdh as large as Orchid and I only take what I could handle. I will read your thread and reply to you.

-RH-

Thanks Orchid and Redhat. I'll check over there and we'll chat.

Redhat- I was popping in to newbies who had no replies and everytime I did, I saw your reply. That coupled with the red hat symbolism from The Catcher in the Rye prompted me to don you with such a description. enjoy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

aanast2, orchid, redhat:

Some good advice but I got lost in the thread. I agree that I should NOT date while WW is going to. In the meantime then what should I do? Move to Plan B while she is dating (possibly sexing) or Stay with Plan A while she's dating? I have no idea how to Plan A in this scenario.

How do I show her that I', making changes that she is wanting from me when I'm not able to be with her? This is all so crazy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Bandit-

yes it is crazy. absolutely ridiculously crazy.

I think you should stay in Plan A. Plan B is risky with no kids and only for when you can't take the pain anymore and can't do a Plan A and are about to burst with LBs and ruin all the hard work you've done in Plan A. Plan B should only be done after counselling with the Harleys.

As for Plan A when you don't see your WW. Good question. Do you pursue or will that just drive WW away further? I'm not sure the answer to this either.

You can always write letters to her explaining that you are sorry for your part/share of problems in the M and that you want it to work and are willing and trying to change, etc.

If you do see her, as Steve Harley has told me, think of it as going to the gym. Even if you don't go as often as you should, when you go, you should still give it your best work out.

Same thing with Plan A. When you do see your WW, be the best you can be during those times.

Plan A includes showing changes but also not LBing and also trying to meet needs (if WW lets you.)

As for pursuing her to then show her changes, do Plan A, etc, I'm not sure. Anyone?