Hi Everyone. Here's my brief story. Married 21 years. Found out about OM 12/31/02. She met him while working a part time job to get Christmas money. He was a smooth talking SOB and filled her EN's. She fell head over heals for him. We didn't have a bad M but did have communication issues. I,ve tried every thing i could to win her back. W would sneak around to see him till she and D (10 yr old) moved in with him on 2/4/03. The A was exposed in January to both sides of our family and her freinds. She came home twice but left after one week to be with OM. W said she didn't love me any more and didn't want to work on M. She says she doesn't want to break her family apart but can't stop seeing OM.They moved to another town 30 miles away in June. I would have D on my days off till August when D moved back with me so she could attend the school she was used too. W quit her teaching job and took a job at a fast food restraunt. OM also quit his job and now works at a hardware store. During this time I was trying to stay in plan A but went to plan B 10/1/03.W moved back to our home town in an apartment three weeks ago to be "Closer to the kids". She still meets with OM in other town and he sometimes stays overnight at W apartment, somtimes when D is there. I,ve gone thru pure H*** for 10 months and needed to do something. Three days ago I went to talk to a divorce lawyer and told my W about it that night. She was visibly upset about it. The next day she called and was talking about getting back together but she was back with OM that night. So here's my question. What next?, Do I stay In plan B, keep talking about divorce or something else? I still love my wife very much and have forgiven her for the A but I don't know if I can make it much longer. More info available if needed. Thanks for your time.

Married 21 yrs
D-Day 12/31/02
Moved out 2/4/03
Two sons 15 & 19
One daughter 10

what should you do? you should do what you think is best for you and your children.

look, your W is obviously still deep in her fog...but that seems to be ending...a circumstance possibly aided by her new career choice! LOL

and guess what? the longer you let her have the freedom to enjoy life with her little soul mate, (the one that now works in the hardware store) the sooner the fog will clear. nothing like a little financial reality to help the romance along, hehehe.

the question is do you want her back? if so then stay with plan B and don't allow her to be manipulative.

did you ever send her the plan B letter? if so i would remind her that you want no contact until she is ready to give up the OM and work on her marriage. and if you never sent a plan B letter then why didn't you and why don't you?

right now, life's realities are your best allies. let her have a good look at what her new life will be...

coach

coach

Your WW is seriously addicted to the OM and the best thing you can do, if you still love her, is to go to Plan B and use a third party as your intermediary between you and your WW. The less she sees you and the more she is with the OM, the better the chances of her waking up from her fantasy. Not to mention, you preserve the love you have for her and which you are going to need very badly if and when she ends all contact with the OM and seriously commits to a marial recovery plan.

What is going to possibly wake her up is when she receives her divorce papers. Right now she does not believe you will follow through with the threat of divorcing her and that you will take her back if her relationship with the OM fails.