A year ago after dday I purchased cell phones for H & I so that we could communicate more. These cell phones have caused me nothing but anguish, resentment, etc. He will not call me, return calls, answer his phone, etc. Well, he does sometimes but a typical day no. It has become a source of frustration. I have threatened to cancel the cell phones. Should I? I know it would be a major LB. I talked to him about it and he said go ahead but I could tell he was mad. I told him it will save us money. I didn't get the phones for him to talk to other people, I got it so he could talk to me. All it does is cause fights plus I have to monitor all his calls to make sure he is not messing around. This makes me miserable too!

Ever since my husband's affair was uncovered, I've decided that the cell phone and the computer are my 2 worst enemies. :-)

In this day and age of communication there is just no way to be sure that a WS is being true to their word unfortunately.Even if every cell phone,computer and beeper in the world were obliterated,there is still the trustworthy pay phone and "old fashioned" postal service.UGH.

It's not these products that are the source of our anguish it is our WS actions or lack there of.

O

<small>[ February 24, 2004, 12:50 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

I had thought about cancelling cell phones, internet access and smashing his laptop because these are all things H is using to communicate to other woman.

But that would cost more money because H would go out and buy new cell phone, new laptop and this would take out of the money that I will need to move on with my two kids if he doesn't stop the crap!

My marriage prior to cell phones/computers. Wonderful! Since 2000, when we got cell phones/computers, it's gone down hill.

Sounds like it is causing you more headaches than its worth. If its not being used for what you intended (talking to you) and it will help the finances...CANCEL them. Besides he already said it was all right.

If by canceling them you can remove even one more point of contention and source of stress & frustration between the 2 of you, by all means DO it.
Even if you believe it will cause one more fight, at least its one that is done and over and not one that will just go on and on. (or till the contract runs out).

We (not just me) decided together to cancel the cell phones we had and get new ones with another company. I am not sure if H was thinking it would be easy because OW would no longer have his cell number or what but I can tell you that is what I was thinking!! We also changed our home telephone number but once again what we were thinking was proably not the same. I thought she won't have that number either, but I am sure H thought it was the savings!! I still think that if they want to contact each other they will so no matter what I do it isn't going to stop that from happening. I just have to decide if I can live with going back through that nightmare again..no I can't. Just as confused as you really!

I did cancel his cell phone. It is much harder to get in contact with him but thats ok. It has ended the fights aobut him not answering his phone. Caused him some hassle too but thats ok too.

That's good.

But hey, we both know that your fight or problem is not about a cell phone.

However, in this type of situation if you can at least feel that you are making progress on some issue it can give you momentum to keep going on. So this is definatly a posotive.

It also gives you one LESS thing to stress about, so you can really concentrate on the core issues in your M.
Indeed, it also takes away yet one more of the "other" or lesser issues between the 2 of you, so that at some point you guys will Have to confront the issues that have existed in the M (for what I suspect) is a long, long time.

I also want to congratulate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> you on taking some Action on your own behalf. I know the fear and indecision that comes with playing the "What If" or "What might happen" (if I do something) games. But you took a chance and did what you thought (& hoped) was right. That's about all you can do in this process.
And see... the sky isn't even falling.

Keep working and try smiling.

<small>[ March 06, 2004, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

I found out that my WH and OW were using their cells. They talked about it in their emails how she got busted by her husband for her cell phone bill. They mentioned in the email that she could call him when they were both driving home from work. I say you did the right thing by canceling it. It does give them one less convinant way to talk and one less thing you have to worry about.