Hi everyone…<P>I'm sad… <BR><B>Very</B> sad… <BR>You can probably tell by my "subject" the reason why.<P>I went to court… pretty upbeat.<BR>4 of the 5 simple, petty motions my W file were quickly taken care of "by consent".<P>Then the motion to lift the restraining order was brought up.<BR>The judge explained the reason she ruled the way she did back in July…<BR>...Her reasoning was that we (W and I) were still living together… <B>that's it</B>.<BR>...The deception by which she got to move out meant nothing…<BR>...The continuing deception for 4 months meant nothing…<BR>...The attitude of OM when dealing with me means nothing…<BR>She also said, by precedent (state), the courts cannot rule on moral matters…<BR>...(i.e. kid's having overnights with the OM)<BR>...The "physical harm" toward the children wasn't demonstrated…<BR>...The "moral", "spiritual", "emotional" harm doesn't count…<BR>......(unless it can be shown <B>after the fact</B>… <BR>.........like I want to wait 2 months, 2 years, or 20 years…)<BR>...I just wonder… since in our state "adultery" is a grounds for divorce…<BR>......what is worse "morally"… the adultery committed against the spouse… or…<BR>......having children spend overnights with 2 aduterers?<P>And that was it… <BR>My lawyer tried to argue that the damage (emotional, spiritual…) will then come after the fact.<BR>But it was to NO avail.<P>The <B>irony</B>… is that the next weekend my W gets them for visitation is the day my daughter (7yo) has her <B>First Penance Service</B> at the church. …<P>The judge said my 17yo stepson doesn't have to go for anymore visitations (a small bright spot… but since he still loves his mom… he'll go anyway)<P>Morality and the courts just don't mix… (like oil and water)! Yeah… Nellie, Mental,Sue… you know that too!<P>My throat is so sore… releasing anger and anguish on the drive home.<BR>You guys know I don't curse too much… well… I let out a few… <BR>I hope not too many people looked into my car… They might of though a crazed driver was on the road…. maybe they would have been right.<P>I think I'll just be praying the rest of the day…<BR>My God, My God… I think you guys know the rest…<P>But I know… <B>His will be done</B>… right now… it's a hard will.<BR>I'll open my heart for the Spirit's guidance.<P>This monstrous evil that's taken over my W's heart… weakened by her addiction… is so sad to witness. As I came into the courtroom, before the motions were to heard,… (she was sitting alone at the time)… I went over to give to her the school pictures of our younger son… then she asks the court officer to make me move away from her to the other side of the room. She was/is very hate-filled again.<P>I don't want to leave off my most heartfelt appreciation to each of you… <BR>Your prayer's of strength worked… I still alive in body and soul… <BR>My love to everyone who sent me prayers… It meant a lot, and still does, it always will… [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>You are all so wonderful… [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR>But… today… I will most likely not be on the forum… <BR>But don't worry… I'll be back tomorrow [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<P>Love to you all.<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited January 07, 2000).]

I am so sorry jim. I dont feel like being here today myself I'll see you later<BR>I am sorry.<P>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P><BR>

Oh, Jim, I'm so sorry to hear this. <P>I wonder what year in which this all changed. Back when I was a kid, my mother was advised to not even go out to lunch with a man until the divorce was final.<P>I can't believe a judge did this...said this...believes this is OK.<P>I'm not one of the people here who believes in no divorce under any circumstances, but my God, there have to be some RULES, right?<P>Apparently not.<P>I wish I could say something comforting.

Jim, I am so sorry. I was praying this morning.<P>At least the kids are so fortunate to have you. I never had a father. You have to keep marching one day at a time for you and the kids.<P>It is so hard. It makes you wonder why the Lord doesn't step in and overrule the effects in our lives. But He does bring good out of it, particularly in our own spiritual growth (my true goal in life), and He Himself has been there. By His own choice He was a man, was hated and crucified.

Sorry to here about your day in court.<BR>I have heard that the courts don't care to much if someone commited adultory in the marriage. I don't know if this is true but it seems to be by what has happened to you and my brother in law. She was awarded their daughter even though she was living with other man.<BR>God will be with you.<BR>

Jim, <BR>I am sooooo sorry it turned out the way it did.....I know that the courts can be wishywashy when it comes to the "moral" issues. Just so you know, we are all still here for you, remember that your wife is still under the spell of the addiction and that it may take a while for her to come out of it. Talk to Steve and get his imput on all of this, he will give you things to do and think about to help you through this difficult time. <P>------------------<BR>Susan<P><BR>

Jim,<BR>I am so sorry. I do not understand the courts. I do not understand how even in states where adultery is a criminal offense, the courts don't care. <P>Dazed,<BR>I just saw a book in the new book section of the library on custody, in which it strongly advised people in a custody battle to not do anything that could be construed as immoral. I don't know if it varies by state or what.<BR>I do know that I don't want to live under a government that condones adultery and exposing children to such harmful behavior.<BR>

Jim;<P>I'm so sorry to hear about how today went in court. At least you got some of the anger out on the drive home. Know what that is like. As for the courts concerning morals, they simply don't care. I even had a child psychologist testify how damaging it would be for my D (she was 6 at the time) to be with her father while he lived with OW. Not to mention the emotional abuse she encountered while she was there. It didn't matter to the judge. I couldn't believe it. I had to give my daughter over to this and I hated it. He was trying to hurt me through her and I can't begin to tell you what I felt and wanted to do. My daughter suffered thanks to this judge and I would love to have let him know.<BR>But he wouldn't have cared. <P>This was years ago and another lifetime ago for me and my daughter. Since, I met present H and well, here I am. He knows all that I had been through and so that is what has been so hard about dealing with all of this. Never thought he would do this to me. Live and learn. <P>You are a wonderful Father and a strong person. And I know as long as you rely on your faith you will prevail and so will your children. They will learn by your example.<BR>I wish there was something I could say to take away your pain, but I will keep praying for you as well as all of us. <P>Faith is the things hoped for. The evidence of things not seen.

I'm so sorry, Jim...<P>That's all I can say... just sorry your heart is breaking again...<P>Take care...<P>~Sheryl

NSR,<BR>I am so sorry....I know how you feel. It makes you mad as hell that people that decide the fate of your children and your "former" life just don't care. My H just snickers when I mention any of this. It really hurts. If it means anything to you...I feel your pain. Tears welled up in my eyes when I read your post. I know that is what I have to look forward to. I,like you, and many others here think it is horrible to have to expose our precious children to "their" new lifestyle. Your marraige and the divorce is treated like a business partnership. How sad. Mine wasn't a "business".<P>Just remember I do know your pain and I am always here. I hope someday this will all make sense to us all.<P>God bless you,<BR>Nancy

jim..words cant express<P>{{{{{jim}}}}}}

Oh NSR - I am so sorry.<P>This court system really gets me in an uproar.....GRRRRRRRRR!!!<P>I sometimes wonder if they pick and choose "what is right" to keep the children of this country screwed up deliberately!!!!<P>Seriously.......Like maybe there won't be enough work for all the lawyers or something if people actually were moral and decent!!!!!<P>Makes me sick!!!<P>About your ride home.....I did the same thing after my first court date when I got reamed!!!! I must have looked like a complete nut case!!! <P>The good part about that though, Jim - was that it helped my anger....got through it much better and quicker!!!!<P>So, keep letting it out....It may look strange to the passerby - but OH - how good it feels!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

I'm so sorry.

I'm so very sorry Jim. I don't understand the system and I don't understand the morals & values of society anymore...all at the expense of our children...<P>Hugs & prayers to you....

Jim,<P>Sporry that this happened. The legal system continues to let us down - look at OJ!<P>Just as sad as the verdict was your W telling the baliff to move you on the other side of the room while trying to give her kids' school pictures! HUH?????? What kind of moron is this woman (sorry to insult your W!)?????? She appears to really be unstable and unbalanced.<P>All I can say is this with one strong and stable parent, your kids will turn out just AOK. The world is full of evil and meanspiritedness. As long as the kids have one decent adult to look up to and model from, everything will turn out alright for them.<P>Rest today...I know you are acutely disappointed. Wea re all thinking of you!!<P>Desiree<BR>

Jim,<BR>I so sorry to hear the bad news for you. I know what you are going through. <P>Have faith in your kids, you are a good father and they do know right from wrong deep down. Its just they still love their mother and will want to see her. And since your w is like mine she will force the issue so that they can be accepted as a "normal" family.<P>Because of my stbx'x attitude I decided I would not cooperate in helping her be involved with the kids. I give her copies of their sports schedules and that is about it. Today my daughter was in a spelling bee(finished 14th out of 45 and is 2nd replacement as the first 12 go to city wide spelling bee) and I went. Stbx was not there. I don't know if she even knew about it, but she had the kids part of last weekend and Wed nite so if they didn't tell her thats not my problem.<P>I wish I could tell you everything the minister told me about trusting the kids, in regards to there exposure to om. he helped me a great deal.<P>Please feel free to email me if you need to talk. Keep the faith and turn this all over to the Lord.<P>God Bless,<P>Bob

My thoughts and prayers are with you Jim. You can rest assured and hold your head up high that you have done everything possible to restore your marriage, and protect your kids. I'm sure your kids have a great love and respect for their dad. They will remember all you have done for them, and they WILL remember what your wife put the family through. Unfortuneately. You have been a great inspiration to everyone here on the forum.

Jim,<P>I'm sorry for the outcome, although it doesn't surprise me a bit. And I don't believe that courts should be put in a position of judging on morality---only on legal issues.<P>However, I'd like to remind you that you are a father who has primary custody of your children (as does Chris and RWD). That's a real blessing that you should look to as you begin to get overwhelmed by this crap. Your kids are bright, and they're not going to be substantially "harmed" by this situation. Their mother is setting a bad example, and it's hard to see the fantasy of a "parent as perfect" shattered, but they'll get through it, especially with your help.<P>God bless.

Jim,<BR>The battle may be lost...you know the rest.<P>My prayers are with you right now my friend.<P>Today is hell, tomorrow is a new day and all you can be is what God has made you.<P>You are so strong...it is remarkable.<P>Prayers for peace...<P>Peter<P>------------------<BR>"Love isn't someplace that we fall, it's something that we do"--Clint Black<BR>

Jim, <P>Please, please, please <B>know</B> that God has not forsaken you. He has given you a path in life that He knows you can handle and He also knows that you will be brought closer to Him through this. <P>Jim, I can't believe the volume of your posts on this forum in only a few months. You have touched the lives of most everyone here. Know that your time will come. Comfort and peace will be given to you when you least expect it. <P>God is good and He <B>will</B> honor you. I think He has already done a tremendous work in your life and the life of your kids by ensuring you have custody of them. Your kids are very lucky to have a father such as you.<P>There isn't much any of us can say to console your overwhelming grief, just know that we care for you. <P>Fool No more